Doctor Visit #???

I'm so sorry I've been neglecting this blog! Life has been so crazy! It didn't help that I changed jobs and lost my Virtual Route to New York. I've been recreating it on my new computer, but it's slow going, especially since the last three weeks I've had a roommate who has spent a lot of time on my computer, meaning I couldn't be on it. Although, to be fair, I wasn't really do a good job of working on my virtual route before he came along. :) Never fear, though, I AM keeping track of my exercising and will get a new route up soon. I'm interested to see where I am.

Until then, I thought I'd share with you my experience at the doctor's office this morning. My last appointment was the beginning of December and I've lost over 30 lbs since then (my weight loss has dramatically slowed, but I'm ok). I was supposed to have an appointment in February but I had just started a new job and didn't feel comfortable taking a morning off (my doctor is 45 minute away, remember) so soon after starting.

I walked in and immediately the nurses started oohing and aahing over me; "Oh Julie, you look amazing!", "Wow Julie, you look so pretty!", etc. It was super sweet of them. I caught them up on what I've been doing lately (new job, dating, softball, roommates, etc.) and found out about them. I love the people at my doctor's office - they are so nice! I was weighed and measured and congratulated for doing so well then was placed in the room to wait for the Dr.

Dr. S came in and smiled really big. "Julie," he said, "you look wonderful! You're doing so well!" It was great to hear that from him...especially since I've kind of been slipping lately. We talked about that and he remotivated me to do better with my diet but also congratulated me on my exercise levels. He's sure, and I agree, that exercising has been the secret to my success and will be the reason I'm able to keep off the weight long-term. Which is why I'm planning on exercising til the day I die. After some discussion, we decided to give me a little fill, something I hadn't expected, but after talking with him, I agreed to give it a try. I do find myself looking for food more often than I used to. If it's just because I needed a fill, it should be better now. If the feeling doesn't go away, then I'll know it's a mental thing I need to correct. My bet is on the latter, but I'm hoping the fill helps me conquer the mental urge to snack.

When Dr. S had given me the fill, he sat back down with a serious look on his face. He thanked me for coming in and for doing so well with my weight-loss. He confessed that sometimes he gets discouraged because people aren't taking full advantage of the surgery and either don't lose as much weight as they could or start gaining it back shortly after the surgery. He starts to wonder if what he's doing does any good. Then he sees me, a "minority" of WLS patients, and it rejuvenates him and helps him see that he is doing something good. I still have weight to lose, and I hear that maintaining weight loss is a million times harder than losing it, so I can't say I'm some perfect WLS patient, but hearing him say that really inspired me to do better. Not just so I don't let him down, but because it reminded me that it's my choice whether or not I take full advantage of my surgery and to have the body I want to have.

I thanked him for telling me and told him how much the surgery has changed my life...that it saved my life. I was so big, so obese, that I imagine I would have lived a shortened life, but that's not all. I wasn't living my life any more. I was existing, not living. Now I'm living and it feels amazing. I'm so much happier now. The surgery he performed on me DID ME GOOD. He smiled and thanked me for telling him. I said I'd do an ad for him whenever he wanted. We both chuckled. I drank some water (to make sure it would go down) and left, saying goodbye to all the nurses on my way out. My next appointment isn't for another 6 months, unless I need any adjustments or help before then.

I keep thinking how fortunate I am. I did absolutely no research about surgeons beyond the casual reference a lady my dad knows made. And yet, I ended up with a really great, compassionate surgeon who I trusted then and I still trust. He's a good man and it was great to reconnect with him as his patient. It amazes me how much that contact helps me recenter my weight loss efforts.

Oh, and I'm thinking of going back to support group. The one here fizzled, so I'll have to go to St. George, but it's only once a month! I used to go down there at least once a week to see my boyfriend, so once a month won't kill me. I think it'll really help me as I lose the remaining 20 or so pounds and definitely while I try to maintain the loss.

The next one is next week. I'll let you know how it goes.

What A Difference One Year Makes!

Yesterday, I celebrated one year since I began the SlimFast diet that proceeded my surgery. Even though I had surgery on the 23rd, I've always considered the 14th as the day I started down this weight-loss journey, since that is when I really started to lose weight. Heck, I lost almost 20 lbs the 10 days before my surgery! Boy, I'm glad I don't have to relive those 10 days. It would've helped if I would've read my instructions properly and known that I could drink 6 cans a day instead of the 3 I chugged down. 600 calories a day just isn't enough. I was so listless by the end of that period. Listless and totally sick of sweetness - I craved anything savory! To this day, I haven't fully regained my sweet tooth, though it's still quite present. :)

A year later, I've now lost 141 lbs, as of yesterday. 141 Pounds!! Isn't that crazy? Seriously, I know people who weigh 140 lbs. It's like I was walking around with one of those people strapped to my back. No wonder I have so much more energy now and everything is so much easier to do! I now weigh 210 lbs. I can't believe I'm only 11 lbs away from weighing under 200! Holy cow! I'm so excited to reach that goal.

Losing that much weight has really changed me. I didn't really think it would, if you can believe it, but it has. I mean, I'm still overweight, but I now realize how much being that heavy affected me. I didn't realize that I was slowly becoming a hermit because of it. I just thought I was going through a phase. Since losing the weight, I've learned to be good to myself. I certainly never would have spontaneously decided to fly to Paris if I still weighed 300+ lbs - I would have worried about being too uncomfortable in the airplane seats...among other concerns. I've always felt comfortable meeting new people, but deep down, I wondered what they thought about me and my weight. Especially guys. I placed restrictions on myself - I hesitated to do things because I worried that I'd look silly or wouldn't be able to do it because of my weight. And, restrictions were placed on me because of my weight - I was too heavy to go horseback riding on one of my cruises!

I'm a million times (hyperbole alert!) healthier than I used to be. Not that I had a lot of health complications because of my weight, but they were creeping up. Just the month before my surgery, my blood pressure was just above normal. It has since settled to around 115/78. I now exercise almost every day and have even started to RUN! I don't get heartburn any more...I used to get it almost daily and now it's been a year since I have!

Having lap band surgery saved my life. I'm sure physically (hopefully I won't die before reaching 40 now!) but also by letting me get back to who I am. Stripping away the fat has let me see me again.


What a difference a year makes!

Do I Look Different?

Monday evening, I went to the university gym with some friends to play wallyball. I ran into my coworker's husband who I see on a fairly regular basis, though it had been a few weeks since the last time. We chatted for several minutes, then I rejoined my friends and had a fun-filled evening.

The next morning, I mentioned seeing her husband at the gym, and my coworker said he hadn't recognized me! He said my voice was familiar but my looks weren't. He said it took him a few moments to realize who I was. I couldn't believe it!

Do I really look that different?

Logically, I know I must - I've lost 134 lbs to-date - how could I look the same? I definitely feel different. I have more energy and feel lighter. And yet, when I look in the mirror, I don't think I look so different that someone who knows me fairly well (like my coworker's husband) wouldn't recognize me.

I mean, I'm glad that I look different...that's one of the goals I had hoped to achieve with the band. It's just funny to me that people tell me I look so different and I think I look the same. I guess my brain just needs time to catch up with my changing body. *grin*

Slowing Down?

Sigh.

Since February I've been losing an average of 10 lbs a month. I feel good about that amount - not so much as to be unhealthy but enough to keep me motivated and excited about my progress. There have been some rough patches along the way where I stay the same for awhile, but never longer than two weeks, then the numbers plunge down and I still end up losing about 10 lbs for the month.

Something has changed.

I've lost just 5 lbs since the beginning of October - a month and a half ago! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the numbers on the scales are still going down, but it makes me wonder what's going on. Have I hit a plateau that is supposedly natural? Or, have I strayed far enough from the path I'm supposed to be on that it's affecting my weight loss? Because I have strayed. Quite a bit sometimes.

I still exercise a lot, about 6 days a week. And that's just the "formal" exercise I do like walking or riding my bike. I'm a lot more active than I once was - not just sitting around watching tv or reading. I'm up and doing things. I recently played wallyball for the first time and loved it! I feel really good about my activity level, and my level of activity makes me feel really good. *smile*

Typical of me, it's food that's doing me in. I still eat really small portions - my mind can't wrap itself around anything larger - but it's WHAT I eat that is killing me. Definitely a lot more carbs than I should eat...and not good carbs like vegetables. I'm talking about bread, pasta, and sweets. I know what caused this gradual trend away from solid, lean protein, but I can't make any excuses. I know I have to get back on track, but have you ever noticed how much harder it is to go back to doing something good than it is to stay doing good things and never straying? *Oh the possible life analogies!!!*

So, I know part of the slowing down is my fault, but I wonder if it's possible that I've hit a natural plateau. I've lost over 130 lbs in less than a year - does the body need a bit of time to adjust to that? I've heard a lot of stories about the last pounds being harder to lose than the first. I had hoped that I wouldn't hit a serious plateau until 150 lbs lost - that would put me at weighing under 200 lbs. Oh well. My first plan of attack is to get back on track with my eating. If that doesn't kick start the weight loss again, I'll figure out what to do next.

On a happy note, even though I haven't lost much weight in the past 45 days, I'm losing inches from my body. No, I've never measured, so I don't know this exactly, but the new clothes I bought at the beginning of October are fitting more loosely than they did when I bought them. For example, my jeans are almost to the point where I can slide them down without unzipping them. A button-up shirt my mom gave me used to be kind of tight around my hips and stomach, now it hangs quite loosely. Woohoo!

I'm a silver lining kind of gal.

If My Name Was Stan...

...I'd be "Stan with a Plan".

My name isn't Stan, though, and "Julie with a Plan" doesn't have the same ring to it. Unfortunately.

I do have a plan, however.

I'm failing when it comes to eating properly. If I weren't so devoted to exercising, I'd probably be in big trouble. So, I'm glad that I'm not in big trouble, but I know I could be doing even better if I was more faithful to eating the way my doctor recommends. To that end, I have made goals (aka, a plan) to help me get back to those recommendations.

1. No Snacking. I seriously struggle with this one, especially at work or if I'm home alone past 9pm. It's not that I'm actually hungry, I'm bored and decide to grab a quick snack. Fortunately, my snacks aren't very horrible (mostly tootsie rolls and peanuts) but the calories can quickly add up. So, for the next 30 days (starting today), I'm making a goal of no eating between meals. Yes, there will be the occasional exception, but as long as they remain an Exception instead of a Rule.

2. Protein. When my band was too tight the past couple months, I really steered away from lean protein. I couldn't eat very much of it without becoming too full, so I started to eat "softer" foods. Mmm. I love "soft" foods! Think bread, desserts, pasta, couscous - carbs basically. Now that my band has been loosened a bit, lean protein sits better with me, but I'm still eating more carbs than I should. So, I'm going to eat my portion of protein first, then if there's room, I'll eat a little something extra.

3. Water. It is so hard to get enough water if I don't stay focused on it. I wait for the 30 minutes after breakfast, but I get busy and then it's almost lunch, so I don't drink anything until after lunch. However, I get busy after lunch and it's mid-afternoon before I finally drink some water. I guzzle it down until I leave work, then I exercise and drink some more afterward, but then I get so busy that I don't drink the whole rest of the night! I need to make a more concerted effort to get in my 64 oz of water every day. I'm still not sure how I'm going to do it, but I've found that if I focus on making sure I'm drinking water, I tend to drink more water, ironically enough. *smile*

They seem like simple enough goals/plans, right? It's not like I'm committing to drink nothing but Slim Fast for 10 days! That, my friends, was hard. If I could do that, I can do anything.

I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Small Success #6

I'm totally out of control.

Let me correct that...I've totally been out of control lately, but hopefully I'm back in control. Otherwise, my bank account is really going to suffer.

Ever since I bought new clothes at the beginning of the month, I've wanted to buy more clothes. The smaller jeans are what killed me. After getting a taste of how it feels to wear clothes that fit (it feels GREAT, by the way), it was really hard to wear clothes that were too big. And, my work clothes were really, really big on me. I'd wear these cute, smaller tops then big baggy pants or skirts. It looked funny.

This past weekend, I traveled to Vegas for a cousins weekend. Had a really good time with my cousins. And, highly unusual for us, we did a bit of shopping. I really wanted to buy a couple new skirts and maybe a pair of dress pants, but I couldn't find any that were my style, so I bought a couple tops and two bras instead. *smile*

However, on the way home from Vegas, I stopped at Dress Barn and found exactly the kind of skirts I wanted! Woohoo! I tried on a size 20 and it fit. I was thrilled! My previous skirts were size 26s. However, I hadn't realized that one of the fun skirts I had grabbed (not really the style I want for work, but it was way cute) was actually a size 18. I tried it on anyway, just to see how close I was. It fit perfectly! Lots better than the 20. It didn't pinch anywhere, I could move/sit/walk/stand/bend comfortably, and it looked good (if I do say so myself). So, I tried on 18s for the two skirts I wanted for work and they fit perfectly too! Woohoo!

That's not all. When I went out to pick up the size 18s, I noticed the clearance rack. I decided to look for black dress pants. The only ones I liked in 18s were black with a fairly thick white pinstripe. I decided to try them on anyway. They hung on me! I ended up finding and buying two pairs of all-black dress pants in a size 16!!! They are so comfortable - not at all a tight fit. I almost started to cry in the dressing room. I haven't worn a size 16 since high school. At my heaviest, I couldn't wear my size 26 dress pants, they were too small. Oh, and my new pants were only $6 a piece! Woohoo!

To top it off, I bought new shoes. The skirts especially needed cute shoes - they aren't straight, boring skirts like my old ones. My favorite skirt is gray with a bit of a flair at the bottom. My old, scuffed up, flat Mary Janes are great for administering hearing tests, but they would totally kill the cute buzz created by the skirt! How's that for rationalization? *smile* Oh, and my new shoes are two sizes smaller than what I wore at my heaviest! Who knew that even my feet would get skinnier?

To summarize, because I know I tend to babble: 1) size 18 skirts, 2) size 16 pants, and 3) size 8 shoes.

I think I'm done buying clothes for a bit. It's been expensive (don't ask how much I spent on the bras!), but I feel great wearing my new clothes. And, I'm getting a lot more compliments about how I look. My old, huge clothes hid how much my body has changed.

And, I'm worth the splurge.

*smile*

Small Success #5

Do you remember me mentioning how frustrated I get with my clothes situation? I really hate the thought of spending money on clothes when I'm hopefully not going to be able to wear them for very long. However, lately I've become very unhappy with wearing clothes that don't fit me - that drown me. My pants barely stay up even with the help of a belt!

After some thought, today I went shopping. I gave myself a modest budget to spend on some new clothes. I ended up buying 2 pairs of jeans, a coat, a hoodie, 2 sweaters, and 3 nice shirts. A couple of the shirts are a little snug but wearable AND I'll be able to wear them even longer because of it. I was so excited about new jeans that fit, that as soon as I got to my dad's house after leaving the store, I immediately changed into them. What a difference!

Here's the great part: I bought some of the shirts in the normal clothes section! Not the plus size section! I don't know how long it has been since I've been able to do that. I started out in the plus size section out of habit. It wasn't until I was getting ready to go that I realized I could theoretically fit into clothes in the regular clothes section. I picked up a shirt, took it to the changing room, put it on, and it fit! I just stood in front of the mirror amazed and ever so pleased. I ended up getting a few shirts and the coat from this section.

I still smile about the whole thing - it definitely took the edge off of spending money on new clothes! *smile*

On Eating: I'm Glad I'm Me

I recently answered questions posed by friends about how I manage to live with the restrictions imposed on me by the Lap band. As I answered the questions, I realized I'm glad I'm me. If I weren't, this process could be a little more difficult.

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1. I love leftovers. Seriously, I think they are the best things since sliced bread. Wait, I take that back. I actually prefer bread that doesn't come pre-sliced, but you know what I meant. To me, leftovers = wonderfulness. Ofttimes, a meal tastes better after being reheated. Most casseroles. Some pasta. Meat, if you don't overcook it the first time around.

Even before my surgery, I ate a lot of leftovers. I love to cook but find it difficult to cook for just me. So, I'd cook as if feeding a family, then eat leftovers until the food was gone, or when 7 days had passed (I won't eat something that is older than 7 days). I can easily eat the same thing for lunch and dinner several days in a row.

This really helps with my surgery. Even if I had mastered the cooking-for-one mentality, I'd still have leftovers. Lately, it takes me three meals to finish one chicken breast. Imagine how long it takes me to eat a whole meatloaf! (A week, actually, since I'll throw away whatever is left after 7 days, weren't you paying attention?) When I go out to eat, I end up eating those leftovers for a good 3 or 4 meals. It saves me a lot of money and time.

I can't imagine how hard it would be if I didn't like leftovers. Talk about wasting a lot of food!

2. I like meat. I know people from the online WLS community that are vegetarians and they do fine with the high protein aspect of the diet, but they have to get creative. I'm not creative. I like that I can eat meat to get the necessary protein.

I can really tell a difference when I'm not getting enough protein. I feel sluggish. A little dizzy. This summer was tough. I could eat more food because my band was pretty loose. So, I started eating a lot of non-protein foods again. However, since I was able to eat fairly big (for me) portions, I felt okay. Now my band is tighter, maybe even a tad too tight, and I can't eat very large portions of anything. If I don't stick to meat or other protein-rich foods, I can tell that I don't get enough calories and nutrients. I think it even started to affect my period; I was two weeks late this month. If I were sexually active, I would've been freaking out. As it was, I was just kind of freaking out because I'm usually really regular. My mom was the one who suggested it could be because of my diet. I know I've been quite lax on the protein lately, so now I'm committed to getting in the recommended amounts.

Like I said earlier, it would be a lot harder if I couldn't just cook up a chicken breast, fish, or a nice juicy steak in order to get my protein fix.

3. I don't like soda. A lot of WLS patients struggle with the no soda rule. The carbonation causes the stomach to expand, allowing for more food to be eaten, and can eventually negate the surgery. Plus, soda is just a bunch of empty calories. Now, I'm not trying to convince all you soda drinkers to stop drinking it...I know a hopeless cause when I see it (teehee). I'm just grateful that soda was never something I really got into.

I thank my high school volleyball coach for that. He made us give it up if we wanted to be on the team. So I did. Over the years, I'll have the occasional soda. I especially enjoy a ginger ale every now and then. However, the times I drank soda were few and far between. I didn't have to give it up when I had my surgery. Woohoo!

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Not that everything is totally easy-cheesy about the band. I started "practicing" not drinking water with my meals a good two months before my surgery and still find it difficult. Yep, almost one year of not doing it and I could take up that habit again as easily as blinking. If I have something to distract me, it isn't too terrible, but if I don't, I count down the minutes before I can drink water again. And then, because my band is a smidgen too tight, I can't gulp it down like I'd like or I'll end up regretting it (regretting = throwing up).

Restaurants are especially difficult because they place the water right in front of me. With ice. And a straw. Sadists! Just after my surgery, when asked what I'd like to drink, I'd tell the waiter/waitress that I didn't want anything to drink. Not even water, they'd query. I'd say no, they'd look at me funny, ask me if I was sure, then walk away like I was some sort of weirdo. It wasn't worth it. So, now I practice uncharacteristic self-restraint by ordering the one beverage I love more than any other, the beverage that is totally off-limits while eating, and allow it to rest provocatively near my hand while I wait for my food to be delivered. (You see, I can't drink for 30 minutes before or after eating either.)

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When all is said and done, though, getting used to my new eating lifestyle hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. Mostly, this is due to how I lived and ate before the surgery. I'm so glad I'm me. *smile*

Small Success #4

Mom and I went on an impromptu walk last night that ended in an unexpected adventure.

I was getting a little stir-crazy in my house and decided to take a quick walk around the neighborhood. As I passed close to Mom's house, I decided to stop in to see how her kitchen was looking and to ask if she wanted to join me on my walk.

After looking at everything in her kitchen that had been accomplished since the last time I'd seen it, we headed out on the walk. I had planned to go around the neighborhood, but she suggested we take the walking trail instead since it was getting quite dark. I agreed. After a little while, we noticed two women from our church sitting on the trail with glow sticks. We stopped to chat with them and discovered that the 1st Annual Moon Walk and Run was about to start. We learned that for $15 we could walk 1 mile in the moonlight and get movie tickets, a t-shirt, and a glow stick to wear around our necks. Mom and I discussed it and decided to do it. Since the organizers know Mom, they let us walk without paying; we promised to pay them on Sunday.

Here's where the small success comes in. As we were signing up, a volunteer asked us what size shirt we wanted. This question at events such as these always cause me agony because it's rare that they have a shirt that would fit me. I always ask for the largest shirt possible (usually a 3x) and more often than not even the 3x is tight around my chest and hips. I looked at the volunteer and said I didn't need a shirt - why go through the humiliation? Then I remembered that I've lost weight. A lot of weight. I glanced over at Mom and asked what size shirt she thought I should get. She had the volunteer hold up a 1x so she could gauge how big it was, then pronounced that we'd both get a 1x.

A 1x??? Was she insane? I don't wear 1x's. A 2x maybe, but not a 1x! I took the shirt, figuring I could hold on to it until I've lost a little more weight, so it wouldn't be a total waste. Mom pulled her shirt on over the shirt she was already wearing and encouraged me to do the same. Yikes! I hate trying on clothes and having them end up too small - talk about a confidence deflator!

Sighing, I pulled it on and it fit! It even fit over my 3x, way-too-big-for-me shirt! I thought I'd start crying, it seemed so miraculous. I wear a 1x t-shirt. Woohoo!!!

I need to stop wearing my too big clothes. They are what I've known for so long that it's kind of hard to part with them. And, I hate buying new clothes, I think I've mentioned that before, haven't I? *smile* However, the rush I felt from being able to wear a 1x t-shirt was amazing. It made me realize how far I've come and motivates me to keep pushing forward. Who knows? Maybe someday soon I'll actually fit into a LARGE!

Sigh. That will be awesome.

On Clothes

There are a lot of positive aspects about losing weight. In fact, losing weight is a 98% positive thing. I'm healthier, more energetic, and more attractive (I hope). There's just one thing that kind of bugs me:

My clothes!

I've told you about the clothes that I've had in my closet for years, unable to wear because they were too small, that I can now fit into. Woohoo for those clothes! However, I've neglected to tell you about all the clothes that I've been able to wear for years that are now unwearable (or close to it) because they are too big. And then there are the clothes that are too big (or close to it) that I still wear even though I feel like I'm drowning in them. It's either wear pants that are baggy or not wear pants at all. Honestly, every article of clothing in my closet that is designed to cover my lower half is too big. Miraculously, this morning I stumbled onto a belt (I didn't think I owned any) and it has been a boon. Left to their own devices, the tan pants I'm wearing right now sit low at my hips with the hems of the legs dragging on the ground and the crotch hanging to my knees (or close to it). Now, with the belt, I can keep the waist where it's supposed to be...at my waist. Give Mr(s). Belt Inventor a gold star, please!

I don't think the clothes issue would be so frustrating if I lost weight slowly. I could replace my pants and know I would be able to get a good amount of use from the new pair before they got too big. The pants I wear now, the ones that are so baggy, were purchased the end of April - two months ago! I don't really want to buy new pants just to wear them for 2 months. Not to mention my shirts, shorts, skirts (which are actually holding up a lot better than the pants), and unmentionables. It would cost a fortune. And be a pain.

I'm not a shopper. Even if I took people's advice and bought "new" clothes at a discount store, it would still mean taking the time to go and look for clothes. I hate that. It's one of the reasons I wear something until there are holes in the elbows/knees/collar/whatever, the elastic has stretched beyond recognition, or I've grown out of it. Style is secondary to convenience, and not having to go shopping for new clothes is mega convenient.

Let me be clear - I'm not complaining about losing weight or even about losing weight as quickly as I have. I'm thrilled! It just never really occurred to me that I'd have to get new clothes. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. Here's what I've decided:

1. No new shorts. The 3 pairs I own are at varying degrees of bagginess but I'm pretty sure they'll all last me through the summer. Even if they get horribly baggy and I have to wear multiple belts to keep them up, I'm not replacing them.

2. No new unmentionables. I'm still not 100% sure of this decision. They are pretty loose currently and I can't imagine what they'll be like when I'm down another 70 or so pounds. However, I just can't see the benefit of buying new unmentionables just to have to replace them in a little while. And, they aren't something I could get at a discount store, even if I wanted to. Which I don't!

3. One new item a month, max. Hopefully this will minimize spending and shopping time but still give me a couple items to wear that actually fit me. I like wearing clothes that fit me. The one outfit that I think fits the best is my favorite because I feel like I can actually tell that I've lost weight. All my baggy clothes hide that fact to varying degrees. So, to sum up, fitting properly = looking skinnier; baggy = not being able to notice as much.

4. Try to lose as much weight as possible as fast as possible so I can wear all the clothes my mom gave me. Okay, this isn't really true. I'm not going to do anything special beyond what I'm currently doing, but I am looking forward to being able to wear the clothes Mom gave me. They are cute, free, and sitting in my spare bedroom, so it will involve no time at all to pull them out when the time comes. They are still a few sizes smaller than where I am, so I have to be patient. It'll be a great day, though, when I can fit into them! Hooray!

To reiterate, I'm a lot happier to be in this position than in the opposite position. Before I had my surgery, my jeans (which have been unwearable for over a month) were getting to the point of being unwearable for a different reason - I was growing out of them! I really didn't want to buy bigger jeans, that is so depressing, and honestly, Wal-Mart didn't sell a bigger size. I felt horrible. So, to be going in the reverse direction feel amazing! Liberating. Joyful. Woohoo!

Just don't be too surprised if you see me with belts around my waist, thighs, and knees to keep my shorts from falling down around my ankles. *smile*

A Little Venting

Please allow me to vent just a little bit. The following vent-ation has little or nothing to do with most of you, if not all of you, which is why I feel comfortable airing out my frustration in this venue.

Lately, there have been a few people who feel they need to comment on what I eat. It's crazy! I get more criticism of what I'm putting in my mouth now than I ever did when I weighed much, much more. For example:

Last week, having had no time to grocery shop, I brought leftover pasta salad (from family festivities) to work for lunch. Seriously, it was the only edible item in my house besides sticks of butter. My boss, coming into my office (the kitchen), scowled at my 1/2 cup of pasta salad and remarked, "I thought you weren't supposed to eat carbs." I brushed off the comment, but it really irritated me. I should have said, "I guess I don't have a personal chef/wife to shop while I work and make all my lunches and dinners for me, so I have to make do with whatever food I have." Grrrr.

This wasn't the first time since my surgery that he's made a little comment about what I'm eating. Nor is he the only one who does it. A couple other people have felt the need to question what I'm eating, too. It's really annoying. I eat about 1/3 (or less) of what most people eat, yet I don't sit and stare at their plates and judge how much they eat or what they eat. I wouldn't even think of doing that! So, why do some people do it to me?

I mean, I'm obviously doing ok - I've lost over 90 pounds in 6 months!! Yes, I cheat. I've cheated almost since day 1. Really. Two weeks after my surgery I ate 2 chocolate chip cookies (one a day) that were being offered at the front desk of the hotel at which I was staying. On the third day, the hotel didn't have the complimentary cookies out, so I ended up buying a Hostess cupcake out of the vending machine. TWO WEEKS after my surgery!

I'm not saying it wouldn't be helpful not to cheat. I'm sure I could have lost even more weight if I stuck to my doctor's prescribed diet, but I haven't. And, I don't see myself ever sticking to it 100%. I figure I have to live with how I lose weight for a long time. And, when I lose all the weight I need to lose, I'm going to have to keep it off for a very long time (my life). It would be completely unrealistic for me to never have Raisinets at a movie again for the rest of my life. So, I'm working at eating better than I used to, but in a way that is do-able on a long-term basis. No matter the reasons I eat what I eat, though, it's no one's business except my own. Humfph.

So, don't be surprised if you see me eating something that you think someone who is trying to lose weight should avoid. And please, PLEASE!, don't comment on it. I'm a woman on the edge!

In return, I promise not to wonder how someone can possibly eat a whole hamburger...on a bun...plus the side of french fries...and dessert. *smile*

Support and a Decision

I’ve always underestimated the importance of support when losing weight.

A couple years ago, when I tried Weight Watchers for three weeks, I thought the meetings were hokey and uninformative. The thought of attending one every week didn’t appeal to me, and I couldn’t figure out why my mom enjoyed them so much.

I tend to be a tad too independent for my own good sometimes.

I still think those meeting were a little hokey and now would probably enjoy them only marginally more than I did back then, but I get why they helped my mom. It’s helpful to have contact with people who are going through, or that have gone through, the same things you’re going through.

No one in my day-to-day life knows what it’s like to have had weight loss surgery. They don’t understand the challenges I face; what it’s like to get food stuck, the gas pain in my shoulder (just keeping it real), getting a fill, or a myriad of other things that you can’t totally get if you haven’t had WLS.

The people at my support group get it. They’ve had those same challenges, are working through the same difficulties I’m facing or will face. They have words of wisdom on how to cope with gas pain, menu ideas that stay within our guidelines, and suggestions on keeping on the path to weight loss. It’s a small group, but everyone is so different and has had so many similar and different experiences that a lot of ground is covered.

I didn’t attend last month’s meeting (for a stupid reason) and have been amazed by how much I missed it. The meetings motivate me to do what I “should be” doing. If for no other reason, I’d keep going just to be able to talk with people who know what I’m going through.

I had an “ah ha” moment last night. The theme of the meeting was Personal Accountability; accepting responsibility for everything we put in our mouths and for our choice to exercise or not. It was the perfect theme for me.

Peggy, the group leader, told us a story. She had strictly kept to the diet guidelines as outlined by her (and mine) doctor for just over a year after her surgery; three meals a day of mostly protein and no snacking. Then one day she saw a solitary peanut in an otherwise empty bowl at work. Without thinking, she ate the peanut. A day or two later, she ate a few more peanuts from the now full bowl, rationalizing that the one peanut the other day hadn’t derailed her weight loss, neither would these. Within no time, she was back to her old snacking ways – all the things she hadn’t eaten in months she now ate because every time she ate something new, she rationalized that the item she ate the day before hadn’t killed her, this wouldn’t either.

I totally recognized this in myself. I’ve slowly become more permissive in the things I’ll allow myself to eat (though still holding firm to others – ice cream is still a big “no, no” to me). It started with one Hershey’s kiss a day after lunch. Then it worked its way up to two a day. Then it was a tiny slice of chocolate cake at Sunday dinner with my family. Then I ate a slightly larger slice the next time, since the last slice didn’t stop me from losing weight. Slowly, I’ve started eating the odd cookie, handful or chips, slice of pizza, and other things that are not a part of my diet plan. Yes, I’m still losing weight, but I’m also re-establishing the habits that got me at my weight dilemma in the first place.

I decided to recommit to avoiding the foods that don’t fill me up, add empty calories into my body, and don’t really make me feel good. There are so many good foods that will nourish my body, keep me feeling full for hours, and taste delicious - why not enjoy them and forget about that other stuff? Not that I won’t have the occasional treat, but the idea is to make treats the exception instead of the rule – lately they’ve been well on their way to re-establishing themselves as the Rule in my life.

We joked that Peggy’s peanut was the “gateway drug” that led her down more dangerous paths. I looked at my gateway drug – chocolate kisses – and decided to give up my daily dose of chocolate. I’d like to think that someday I’ll be able to have one Hershey’s kiss and not have it lead to other indiscretions, but honestly, I may never be able to.

It’s a price I never realized I’m willing to pay.

Staying Motivated

I weigh myself every day.

I've read that I shouldn't weigh myself that often because weight fluctuates from day to day, but I do it anyway. I'm a rebel.

However, I've noticed that I get frustrated when my weight loss hits a plateau. It happened to me around 45 lbs. Nothing I did seemed to make any difference, my body refused to give up more than 45 lbs for almost 2 weeks. Right now I'm at 68 lbs lost and have been for a week. I keep telling myself it's ok; I lost almost 7 lbs in one week, so maybe my body is just adjusting to that weight loss before it loses any more. No matter what I say, I still feel frustrated. Quite frankly, seeing the numbers on the scale get smaller has been my major motivation for doing what I'm suppose to be doing.

Last night, in bed, trying to go to sleep because I had to wake up a couple hours earlier than normal but unable to because my brain wouldn't shut off, I decided that I need to weigh myself less and refocus on other motivations for staying with the changes I've made since having surgery. There are several. For example:

1. Looking better. Yesterday, I had Sunday dinner at my dad's house and saw my step-grandfather for the first time since having surgery. His reaction to how I look was priceless! He kept saying how lovely I look, how much slimmer my face is, how I "glow", etc. I've wondered recently if people just say I look thinner because they know I've lost over 60 lbs, but his reaction was definitely not an act - not that other people were acting - he could obviously see I looked different. It felt nice. More than nice.

2. Hiking. I went hiking with my mom, nephew, and niece Saturday and was amazed by how easily I walked along the path compared to last year or even the year before. A few times I even speed-walked while competing with my nephew and niece to be the "leader" and didn't even feel out-of-breath! On the return trip, my nephew wanted me to carry him because his feet hurt. I politely declined then started thinking about how he probably weighs roughly how much weight I've lost. I've been carrying around an 8-year old boy! Then I started to imagine how great I'll feel when I've lost another 60 lbs! Heavens, I'll probably feel like I'm floating when I've lost all my excess weight. It'll be great!

3. "New" Clothes. I don't do fitting rooms when I buy clothes. I either buy my clothes online or at Wal-Mart, and either way, I wait 'til in the comfort of my own home before I find out whether a garment fits me or not. Most times they do, but sometimes they don't. Most times I return the item when it doesn't fit, but sometimes I don't. I'm not sure why. Anyway, I have a stock of clothes that I've bought in my size throughout the years but that didn't fit so they've sat in my closet collecting dust. Now they fit! This weekend, I wore three shirts and a pair of capris that used to be too small but now fit perfectly. Woohoo! The capris were especially motivating because for the first time in ages, I felt like my waist and hips didn't stick out as much as they used to. I felt a little more...streamlined, for lack of a better word. In addition to knowing that I fit into these smaller clothes (though the same size I've worn for years), it made my pocketbook happy to know that items for which I've spent money are finally being put to good use.

4. Feeling better. I feel better than I have in years, probably since the last time I was at this weight, which was eight or nine years ago. Exercising, eating healthy, and accomplishing weight loss goals makes me feel good. I feel happier, more able to deal with problems, and I sleep better (usually). And, I'm seriously getting addicted to the feeling I get after riding my bike. My legs ache, my heart is pumping, sweat is sliding down my neck, back, and forehead, and I feel like I can fly. Nothing seems impossible when I step off my bike. It's a great feeling.

So, I'm hiding my scale when I get home and not getting on it for two weeks. Even as I typed that sentence, my mind shouted "NO!" but I'm going to do it anyway. Numbers on the scale are important, but so are all the other benefits of losing weight and getting healthy. And, I think those other benefits will help me stay motivated when things get tough and I feel like quitting.

Deep breath.

I'm going to miss my scale, though! *blinking away mock tears*

Back to Life

Today, I officially returned to the real world. I went back to work after almost 2 weeks off.

It wasn't too bad coming back. My boss isn't in today, so my coworker and I had plenty of time to catch up on our holidays. Also, not a lot of people come in when my boss is gone, giving me plenty of time to take care of a lot of the things that had piled up while I was off.

I hurt, though. Wearing real clothes is uncomfortable after lounging around in sweats and t-shirts for most of the past two weeks. The waist of my skirt hits my most sensitive and biggest incision, causing pain. And, I miss my slippers. They are so warm and comfortable and my "office" is the coldest room at work, so my feet are chilly.

There is big plus, though, about coming back to work. As I've started feeling better, I've started wanting to snack more frequently. My band doesn't get filled for another 2 weeks, so there's nothing keeping the food from going down to my stomach at a fairly normal pace. I can only handle a little less than 1/2 a cup (I've worked on eating about that much) before getting uncomfortably full, but within 2 hours I'm hungry again. At work, there are enough things to keep me busy so I don't think about being hungry. Woohoo! Once my band is filled, I should stay satiated for about 4 hours. I can handle this for 2 more weeks. Heck! I lived off of SlimFast for 10 days - this is easy! At least I get to chew my food!

Speaking of which, yesterday I finally got back in the kitchen and cooked! I made turkey bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin medallions (wow - what a name!) with a maple-mustard sauce. Mmmm. It was so yummy! The medallions aren't very big, smaller than my palm, but I can't eat a whole one. Last night, while talking to my roommates, I wasn't paying attention and almost ate the entire medallion (it was about 2/3 the size of my palm). All of a sudden, my chest started to hurt and I thought I was going to throw up. I had definitely consumed too much. Fortunately, the feeling didn't last long, but it taught me a valuable lesson: Pay attention to what I'm eating!! I took it slower when I had one for lunch today but still couldn't manage to eat the whole thing before starting to feel full. At least I stopped before I started feeling sick.

Even though the past week was pretty nice, laying around and watching tv, reading, and sleeping whenever I felt the urge, I'm glad to be back to normal life. It's great to be back at work, being able to eat, and feeling really good. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Woohoo!

Weight Lost: 34 pounds (give or take a few ounces) as of this morning.

The Day Before

The surgery is now a week behind me and I finally feel up to writing about the experience. However, it could be lengthy (I write like I talk), so I'm going to break it down into (hopefully) short segments.

The day before going on vacation is always hectic and full of trouble-shooting; however, since I wasn't going on vacation exactly, I had hoped for a peaceful last day at work last Monday. Twasn't to be.

I had a huge to-do list before leaving the office for practically two weeks; pay bills, payroll and paychecks, phone calls, errands, etc. I had settled in to work long and hard when Dixie Regional Hospital called me to verify my information. At the end of the call, the lady mentioned that they hadn't received my blood work yet and asked when I was having it done. What??? I'd never been told I needed blood work done! I ended up having to leave, at 10:30am, to run to the local hospital to wait for an hour before giving a lab tech two vials of my blood. To add to my stress, the Dixie Hospital lady had said they also needed a urine analysis, but the request she faxed to my hospital didn't have the UA marked. I told the lab tech I was told they'd need the UA, but she refused to do it since it wasn't marked on the form. I worried about this all day. Not enough to do anything about it, though, I figured when the woman got my blood work and not the urine analysis, she'd call me and I'd tell her I wasn't leaving work again and it was her fault for not marking it. I felt belligerent, so I'm glad she never called. And no, I never ended up having a UA. Of course.

I hurried back to the office and tried to get back into work. I received another phone call from the hospital around 1pm informing me that my surgery was scheduled for Tuesday at 3pm. I was stunned because I had been told I'd most likely be the first surgery since I was the first one to book the surgery AND because I was the only one travelling. I told the nurse that 3pm was unacceptable and they'd need to change it. I explained that I was travelling from the north, the weather was suppose to be bad and the roads icy, and by the time I was released from the hospital it'd be dark and I didn't want to drive home in bad weather and darkness. Plus, I'd been told to expect early morning so had already reserved a hotel room for Monday night so Mom and I wouldn't have to drive south mega early Tuesday morning. I was transferred several times and no one "had the authority" to change the schedule. Frustrated, I called my surgeon's office and spoke to the coordinator. She couldn't believe I'd been scheduled so late; she'd speak to the surgeon and get back to me with an earlier time. While I waited for her call, the hospital called telling me someone had cancelled and would I like my surgery to be at 12:30 instead of 3? I asked if they'd heard from my surgeon, explaining I had called his office, she said no. I said I'd take the 12:30 for now but was hoping for something earlier. A couple hours later, my surgeon's office called and said my surgery could be at 10am if I'd like that time. I took it. The hospital called a short time later to confirm the time change. Whew! I hate being the squeeky wheel, but I really wanted my way. Does that make me a brat? Honestly, I don't care if it does, I'm pleased with how it turned out. I should mention, though, that, having learned my lesson here, at no time did I get upset with the people to whom I spoke. I stayed pleasant but firm. I used honey, so I was never left with a bitter taste in my mouth. Yeah for me!

It snowed practically all day Monday. I worried about driving south in the dark with the roads slick, especially through a particular pass that had been closed numerous time in the recent weeks due to the weather. So, I decided to leave work a little early (wishing I had packed Sunday night like I knew I should but didn't want to at the time). Then Dad called and offered to give me a priesthood blessing before I headed south. I was thrilled with the offer, partly because it showed that Dad cares and because there was a long time when he couldn't give me one. However, it was another thing to fit into an already crammed day. At this point, my boss came in to the office and noted my stress. He has a way of getting me to tell him everything, and I broke down in his office. That man! He was really sweet and I actually felt a lot better after talking to him. He told me to get out of there right then, but I still had work to do, so I hurried to finish it and left 40 minutes later than I had originally planned. I rushed to Dad's house, wondering how in heck I was going to feel the Spirit when I was felling so hectic and worried. I chatted with Dad, Paula, and Macey for a little bit, calming down a little. As soon as Dad started the blessing, I was filled with peace and calm, it was amazing. And wonderful. I appreciate the blessing I received from my home teacher, but getting a blessing from my dad was so special. He knows me, loves me, and I believe that as my parent, he receives inspiration that no one else could get. He touched on more than my surgery, aspects of my life that had nothing to do with the next day's event. It was so sweet, so special. I renewed the pledge to myself and unborn children that I would only marry someone who was worthy to offer these blessings to my family.

Worried about the upcoming drive, Dad sent me on my way. I "rushed" home (it was snowing really hard), packed, then called Mom to say I was ready to go. Though I had left work late, we got on the road 20 minutes before we thought we would. A miracle. Another miracle - the roads cleared enough that the pass I worried about was not a problem. It was still snowing, but we made it to our hotel without a hitch.

The rest of the evening, Mom and I rested in our room. It was kind of nice to be in a hotel room with someone else - I've spent so much time alone in hotel rooms this year! I read up on pre- and post-surgery expectation, rules, etc. and found something interesting. The ten days I was on SlimFast, I drank 3 a day, supplemented by the occasional popsicle or glass of apple juice - about 600 calories a day. Well, I discovered that I should've been drinking SIX SlimFasts a day and averaging 1200 calories a day! Oops! No wonder I lost about 20 lbs in ten days! Teehee. Oh well, I'm kind of glad I didn't discover this until it was too late. I despise SlimFast and I'm not sure I could've had more than 3 a day. Plus, it took me about 2 hours to finish one, so I would've been sipping on a SlimFast from sun up to sun down. Yuck!

I went to bed around 11pm, drinking as much water as I could before the midnight cutoff - absolutely no liquid or food after that time! I was surprisingly calm and not worried about the surgery at all. I wasn't excited for it, but I wasn't stressed. I felt ready. The time had come and I was prepared.

And so ended the day before.

Two Weeks...

...and counting 'til the Big Day! (No, not Christmas, though that is close behind.)

Yesterday, I met my surgeon for the first time. We had a nice chat and he explained a few things and answered a couple of my questions. One thing he cleared up was the post-surgery diet. Instead of three weeks on liquids, it's only going to be 1 week! Yippee! He said that they say three weeks on the website and in the seminars to simplify matters; it's the diet for the gastric bypass and sleeve patients. I'll get to start adding small portions of solid proteins into my diet about a week after the surgery because I'm having Lap Band. Yet another reason I'm glad I chose that as my option.

I've lost my appetite. I'm not sure if it's because of the events of recent days (see here to learn about my first ever vehicular - I love that word - accident), how busy I am lately, the fact that I have no food in my home except popsicles, Ritz crackers, and a box of couscous, or that I'm nervous about the upcoming changes in my eating lifestyle. Or, most likely, it's a melange of all of them. I believe in melanges. (Can someone please tell me how to get blogger to do accents??)

This is my last week of eating food "normally" - at least, the last week for a very, very long time. You'd think I'd be living it up, eating everything I love and maybe won't partake of for who-knows-how-long. Even last week, in Denver, I ordered things that I'll be able to eat - in much smaller portions - after the surgery (except the bacon cheese burger). I even only ate half the meal each time (except the burger, but I did leave a lot of fries on the plate). I'm not worried about missing the foods I love. I'm more worried about not being prepared for this lifestyle change. I'm ready to change and want to get my foot in the door, so to speak.

I'm scared of failing. The last few years I was in school, I had this same fear, so I studied a lot. I made sure that when it came time to take a test I was prepared to be able to pass it with flying colors. I practiced presentations, looked over projects and papers with an eagle-eye for detail, and worked every homework problem religiously. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't always perfect, but that fear of not doing well drove me to do my best.

It's now driving me to get ready, especially emotionally, for life after Lap Band. I'm especially worried because I don't know what to expect, really. To continue the above analogy, it's kind of like having a professor for the first time and not knowing what his tests are going to be like, how well he'll prepare you for the tests, how generously he grades, etc. So, I'm doing my best to prepare for every eventuality I can think of without really knowing what it's going to be like for me.

I think I need more sleep. I'm sure I'd be able to deal with this better if I were sleeping. Sleep cures a lot of ills. Maybe then I'd relax just a tiny bit. Aaahhh. Relax.

Anyhoo, Thursday I get to travel down south yet again to have a pre-op class that will tell me in more detail everything that will go down before and after surgery, including diet and checking in and out of the hospital.

Just think, in two weeks at this time I'll have had the surgery and will be resting comfortably (hopefully) at my mom's. Wow.

Decisions

I'm kind of proud of myself.

Tonight, leaving work and contemplating the lack of food in my kitchen that belongs to me, Arctic Circle - which is right next door to my office building - tempted me almost to my breaking point. Lately under these circumstances I would have given in and turned into Arctic Circle. I almost did. I slowed considerably as I passed the turn and was thisclose to turning, but I decided that eating fast food tonight would completely cancel out this morning's fabulous exercise.

I had worked hard this morning. I got out of bed earlier than normal - my warm, comfortable bed - to ride my stationary bike for 20 minutes and 4.7 miles. I love this time of day; the bike is in front of my east-facing window and I get to watch as the horizon lightens and the sun finally peeks over the mountain. It's lovely. It's also a good workout for me. My legs start to ache and I have to work to keep going when it would be so easy to quit. So, the thought of this hard work becoming null and void just because I hadn't gone grocery shopping was unacceptable. I came home and ate cereal and swiss cheese and crackers.

I've made several good decisions lately. Small decisions, but together they add up to important changes. I'm going to do something very drastic to lose weight but that doesn't mean I'll be able to sit back and watch the weight melt off. The surgery is a tool. I use it to remind myself why I want to make good decisions. Once I have the surgery, it'll be harder, but not impossible, to make unhealthy food choices. Tough choices will still have to be made time after time after time. You might say that once I'm on the right path, I'll have to continue to work hard and endure to the end. (I love the gospel analogy game!) Small decisions, like waking up to exercise and eating cereal instead of french fries, are even more important, more necessary, than the big decision of having the surgery.

You might say that by small and simple things great things can be accomplished. :)

Honey, Vinegar, and Humble Pie

No, these aren’t the ingredients for some fabulously odd Thanksgiving dish I’m planning to make next week. You wish you were that lucky!

Today, I should have used honey, but instead used vinegar, so my slice of humble pie was even more difficult to eat.

I had a message on my cell phone from a psychiatrist’s receptionist informing me that they had received the medical history form and questionnaire I had filled out. She said their next available appointment was in January so I should call quickly to schedule an appointment. I already have an appointment! I said to myself, so I called her back, figuring she’d overlooked my appointment and all would be well in no time. Nope.

She looked in her book at the date I said I had scheduled for the psych evaluation and said my name was nowhere to be seen. She looked on the days before and after and still my name was not written down. I started to panic, and I don’t always function at my best when I panic, unfortunately. You see, December 23rd is really the best day for me to have the surgery and if I waited ‘til January to have the psych evaluation, I’d have to have the surgery some time in January. PANIC!

Leslie (not her real name) kept saying she wasn’t the one who I had spoken to because she wouldn’t have made this kind of mistake. It frustrated me that she wasn’t trying to come up with any solutions, just absolving herself from any wrongdoing. Finally, my voice dripping with vinegar, I asked her if she was willing or able to do anything to help me out of this predicament. She said she couldn’t think how she could. I asked if the doctor was willing to come in early or stay late at all. She wasn’t sure. I was really close to losing it, so I said I’d call my surgeon’s office and see if they had any suggestions. I didn’t mask my frustration as well as I could have.

So, I called my surgeon’s office and informed the receptionist of the problem. She was very sympathetic and gave me the name and phone number of a psychiatrist they don’t use very often but who is capable of doing the evaluation. I called his number and got the answering machine, so I left a message pleading with them to call me back.

I have a piece of paper in my bariatric surgery folder that lists the steps I need to take before I have the surgery. On this sheet, I have the names and phone numbers of the doctors and nutritionists that my surgeon’s assistant recommended I call to complete these steps. The doctor for whom Leslie works was on that list; next to his name was a notation I made after calling them in October, which reads, “Appointment avail mid-December, they’ll send packet, but calling somewhere else to see if earlier appt avail.” I looked at the other psychiatrist and found this notation next to her name, “Set appt for December 2nd, 9am”.

Two words: humble pie.

I called this psychiatrist's number to confirm the appointment, but no one answered, so I just left a message. I’m positive my appointment is with her, though, because at the bottom of the page I wrote her address and directions to the office. Yeah, I felt kind of stupid.

After basking in my foolishness for a bit, I called Leslie and explained what had happened and apologized profusely for getting frustrated earlier. She said she totally understood why I had become frustrated and apologized for not being more helpful. She informed me that they had some spots that had opened up due to cancellations and did I want to see the doctor tomorrow? I was tempted. I had already spent an hour filling out the mental health questionnaire (for the wrong doctor!!!) and it would be really nice to have this evaluation over and done with, but the open spots were around 3pm. My coworker would have to work late and she really doesn’t like to, so I thanked her and said I’d have to pass, explaining why.

Which led me to wonder if I had handled the situation better the first time I talked to her, would she have offered those open spots right then? Would the honey really have attracted the fly better than the vinegar?

By the way, have any of you actually tried this experiment with real honey, vinegar, and flies? I’m assuming the honey really does attract more flies, because it’s such a “tried and true” expression; however, I wouldn’t be surprised if flies liked the vinegar. I for one really enjoy vinegar, especially salt and vinegar chips or as a dip for French fries, so maybe flies like vinegar, too. Odder things could happen.

To sum up: in the future, I need to remember to express my frustration in a better, sweeter, way. Not only may I reap immediate rewards (the other person’s increased willingness to help) but the slice of humble pie will be smaller if it turns out that I play a part in causing the frustration.

In other words, not only does it attract more flies, but honey also makes a tastier humble pie than vinegar.