Sigh.
Since February I've been losing an average of 10 lbs a month. I feel good about that amount - not so much as to be unhealthy but enough to keep me motivated and excited about my progress. There have been some rough patches along the way where I stay the same for awhile, but never longer than two weeks, then the numbers plunge down and I still end up losing about 10 lbs for the month.
Something has changed.
I've lost just 5 lbs since the beginning of October - a month and a half ago! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the numbers on the scales are still going down, but it makes me wonder what's going on. Have I hit a plateau that is supposedly natural? Or, have I strayed far enough from the path I'm supposed to be on that it's affecting my weight loss? Because I have strayed. Quite a bit sometimes.
I still exercise a lot, about 6 days a week. And that's just the "formal" exercise I do like walking or riding my bike. I'm a lot more active than I once was - not just sitting around watching tv or reading. I'm up and doing things. I recently played wallyball for the first time and loved it! I feel really good about my activity level, and my level of activity makes me feel really good. *smile*
Typical of me, it's food that's doing me in. I still eat really small portions - my mind can't wrap itself around anything larger - but it's WHAT I eat that is killing me. Definitely a lot more carbs than I should eat...and not good carbs like vegetables. I'm talking about bread, pasta, and sweets. I know what caused this gradual trend away from solid, lean protein, but I can't make any excuses. I know I have to get back on track, but have you ever noticed how much harder it is to go back to doing something good than it is to stay doing good things and never straying? *Oh the possible life analogies!!!*
So, I know part of the slowing down is my fault, but I wonder if it's possible that I've hit a natural plateau. I've lost over 130 lbs in less than a year - does the body need a bit of time to adjust to that? I've heard a lot of stories about the last pounds being harder to lose than the first. I had hoped that I wouldn't hit a serious plateau until 150 lbs lost - that would put me at weighing under 200 lbs. Oh well. My first plan of attack is to get back on track with my eating. If that doesn't kick start the weight loss again, I'll figure out what to do next.
On a happy note, even though I haven't lost much weight in the past 45 days, I'm losing inches from my body. No, I've never measured, so I don't know this exactly, but the new clothes I bought at the beginning of October are fitting more loosely than they did when I bought them. For example, my jeans are almost to the point where I can slide them down without unzipping them. A button-up shirt my mom gave me used to be kind of tight around my hips and stomach, now it hangs quite loosely. Woohoo!
I'm a silver lining kind of gal.
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
If My Name Was Stan...
...I'd be "Stan with a Plan".
My name isn't Stan, though, and "Julie with a Plan" doesn't have the same ring to it. Unfortunately.
I do have a plan, however.
I'm failing when it comes to eating properly. If I weren't so devoted to exercising, I'd probably be in big trouble. So, I'm glad that I'm not in big trouble, but I know I could be doing even better if I was more faithful to eating the way my doctor recommends. To that end, I have made goals (aka, a plan) to help me get back to those recommendations.
1. No Snacking. I seriously struggle with this one, especially at work or if I'm home alone past 9pm. It's not that I'm actually hungry, I'm bored and decide to grab a quick snack. Fortunately, my snacks aren't very horrible (mostly tootsie rolls and peanuts) but the calories can quickly add up. So, for the next 30 days (starting today), I'm making a goal of no eating between meals. Yes, there will be the occasional exception, but as long as they remain an Exception instead of a Rule.
2. Protein. When my band was too tight the past couple months, I really steered away from lean protein. I couldn't eat very much of it without becoming too full, so I started to eat "softer" foods. Mmm. I love "soft" foods! Think bread, desserts, pasta, couscous - carbs basically. Now that my band has been loosened a bit, lean protein sits better with me, but I'm still eating more carbs than I should. So, I'm going to eat my portion of protein first, then if there's room, I'll eat a little something extra.
3. Water. It is so hard to get enough water if I don't stay focused on it. I wait for the 30 minutes after breakfast, but I get busy and then it's almost lunch, so I don't drink anything until after lunch. However, I get busy after lunch and it's mid-afternoon before I finally drink some water. I guzzle it down until I leave work, then I exercise and drink some more afterward, but then I get so busy that I don't drink the whole rest of the night! I need to make a more concerted effort to get in my 64 oz of water every day. I'm still not sure how I'm going to do it, but I've found that if I focus on making sure I'm drinking water, I tend to drink more water, ironically enough. *smile*
They seem like simple enough goals/plans, right? It's not like I'm committing to drink nothing but Slim Fast for 10 days! That, my friends, was hard. If I could do that, I can do anything.
I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
My name isn't Stan, though, and "Julie with a Plan" doesn't have the same ring to it. Unfortunately.
I do have a plan, however.
I'm failing when it comes to eating properly. If I weren't so devoted to exercising, I'd probably be in big trouble. So, I'm glad that I'm not in big trouble, but I know I could be doing even better if I was more faithful to eating the way my doctor recommends. To that end, I have made goals (aka, a plan) to help me get back to those recommendations.
1. No Snacking. I seriously struggle with this one, especially at work or if I'm home alone past 9pm. It's not that I'm actually hungry, I'm bored and decide to grab a quick snack. Fortunately, my snacks aren't very horrible (mostly tootsie rolls and peanuts) but the calories can quickly add up. So, for the next 30 days (starting today), I'm making a goal of no eating between meals. Yes, there will be the occasional exception, but as long as they remain an Exception instead of a Rule.
2. Protein. When my band was too tight the past couple months, I really steered away from lean protein. I couldn't eat very much of it without becoming too full, so I started to eat "softer" foods. Mmm. I love "soft" foods! Think bread, desserts, pasta, couscous - carbs basically. Now that my band has been loosened a bit, lean protein sits better with me, but I'm still eating more carbs than I should. So, I'm going to eat my portion of protein first, then if there's room, I'll eat a little something extra.
3. Water. It is so hard to get enough water if I don't stay focused on it. I wait for the 30 minutes after breakfast, but I get busy and then it's almost lunch, so I don't drink anything until after lunch. However, I get busy after lunch and it's mid-afternoon before I finally drink some water. I guzzle it down until I leave work, then I exercise and drink some more afterward, but then I get so busy that I don't drink the whole rest of the night! I need to make a more concerted effort to get in my 64 oz of water every day. I'm still not sure how I'm going to do it, but I've found that if I focus on making sure I'm drinking water, I tend to drink more water, ironically enough. *smile*
They seem like simple enough goals/plans, right? It's not like I'm committing to drink nothing but Slim Fast for 10 days! That, my friends, was hard. If I could do that, I can do anything.
I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
Monday, September 14, 2009
On Eating: I'm Glad I'm Me
I recently answered questions posed by friends about how I manage to live with the restrictions imposed on me by the Lap band. As I answered the questions, I realized I'm glad I'm me. If I weren't, this process could be a little more difficult.
********************
1. I love leftovers. Seriously, I think they are the best things since sliced bread. Wait, I take that back. I actually prefer bread that doesn't come pre-sliced, but you know what I meant. To me, leftovers = wonderfulness. Ofttimes, a meal tastes better after being reheated. Most casseroles. Some pasta. Meat, if you don't overcook it the first time around.
Even before my surgery, I ate a lot of leftovers. I love to cook but find it difficult to cook for just me. So, I'd cook as if feeding a family, then eat leftovers until the food was gone, or when 7 days had passed (I won't eat something that is older than 7 days). I can easily eat the same thing for lunch and dinner several days in a row.
This really helps with my surgery. Even if I had mastered the cooking-for-one mentality, I'd still have leftovers. Lately, it takes me three meals to finish one chicken breast. Imagine how long it takes me to eat a whole meatloaf! (A week, actually, since I'll throw away whatever is left after 7 days, weren't you paying attention?) When I go out to eat, I end up eating those leftovers for a good 3 or 4 meals. It saves me a lot of money and time.
I can't imagine how hard it would be if I didn't like leftovers. Talk about wasting a lot of food!
2. I like meat. I know people from the online WLS community that are vegetarians and they do fine with the high protein aspect of the diet, but they have to get creative. I'm not creative. I like that I can eat meat to get the necessary protein.
I can really tell a difference when I'm not getting enough protein. I feel sluggish. A little dizzy. This summer was tough. I could eat more food because my band was pretty loose. So, I started eating a lot of non-protein foods again. However, since I was able to eat fairly big (for me) portions, I felt okay. Now my band is tighter, maybe even a tad too tight, and I can't eat very large portions of anything. If I don't stick to meat or other protein-rich foods, I can tell that I don't get enough calories and nutrients. I think it even started to affect my period; I was two weeks late this month. If I were sexually active, I would've been freaking out. As it was, I was just kind of freaking out because I'm usually really regular. My mom was the one who suggested it could be because of my diet. I know I've been quite lax on the protein lately, so now I'm committed to getting in the recommended amounts.
Like I said earlier, it would be a lot harder if I couldn't just cook up a chicken breast, fish, or a nice juicy steak in order to get my protein fix.
3. I don't like soda. A lot of WLS patients struggle with the no soda rule. The carbonation causes the stomach to expand, allowing for more food to be eaten, and can eventually negate the surgery. Plus, soda is just a bunch of empty calories. Now, I'm not trying to convince all you soda drinkers to stop drinking it...I know a hopeless cause when I see it (teehee). I'm just grateful that soda was never something I really got into.
I thank my high school volleyball coach for that. He made us give it up if we wanted to be on the team. So I did. Over the years, I'll have the occasional soda. I especially enjoy a ginger ale every now and then. However, the times I drank soda were few and far between. I didn't have to give it up when I had my surgery. Woohoo!
*********************
Not that everything is totally easy-cheesy about the band. I started "practicing" not drinking water with my meals a good two months before my surgery and still find it difficult. Yep, almost one year of not doing it and I could take up that habit again as easily as blinking. If I have something to distract me, it isn't too terrible, but if I don't, I count down the minutes before I can drink water again. And then, because my band is a smidgen too tight, I can't gulp it down like I'd like or I'll end up regretting it (regretting = throwing up).
Restaurants are especially difficult because they place the water right in front of me. With ice. And a straw. Sadists! Just after my surgery, when asked what I'd like to drink, I'd tell the waiter/waitress that I didn't want anything to drink. Not even water, they'd query. I'd say no, they'd look at me funny, ask me if I was sure, then walk away like I was some sort of weirdo. It wasn't worth it. So, now I practice uncharacteristic self-restraint by ordering the one beverage I love more than any other, the beverage that is totally off-limits while eating, and allow it to rest provocatively near my hand while I wait for my food to be delivered. (You see, I can't drink for 30 minutes before or after eating either.)
********************
When all is said and done, though, getting used to my new eating lifestyle hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. Mostly, this is due to how I lived and ate before the surgery. I'm so glad I'm me. *smile*
********************
1. I love leftovers. Seriously, I think they are the best things since sliced bread. Wait, I take that back. I actually prefer bread that doesn't come pre-sliced, but you know what I meant. To me, leftovers = wonderfulness. Ofttimes, a meal tastes better after being reheated. Most casseroles. Some pasta. Meat, if you don't overcook it the first time around.
Even before my surgery, I ate a lot of leftovers. I love to cook but find it difficult to cook for just me. So, I'd cook as if feeding a family, then eat leftovers until the food was gone, or when 7 days had passed (I won't eat something that is older than 7 days). I can easily eat the same thing for lunch and dinner several days in a row.
This really helps with my surgery. Even if I had mastered the cooking-for-one mentality, I'd still have leftovers. Lately, it takes me three meals to finish one chicken breast. Imagine how long it takes me to eat a whole meatloaf! (A week, actually, since I'll throw away whatever is left after 7 days, weren't you paying attention?) When I go out to eat, I end up eating those leftovers for a good 3 or 4 meals. It saves me a lot of money and time.
I can't imagine how hard it would be if I didn't like leftovers. Talk about wasting a lot of food!
2. I like meat. I know people from the online WLS community that are vegetarians and they do fine with the high protein aspect of the diet, but they have to get creative. I'm not creative. I like that I can eat meat to get the necessary protein.
I can really tell a difference when I'm not getting enough protein. I feel sluggish. A little dizzy. This summer was tough. I could eat more food because my band was pretty loose. So, I started eating a lot of non-protein foods again. However, since I was able to eat fairly big (for me) portions, I felt okay. Now my band is tighter, maybe even a tad too tight, and I can't eat very large portions of anything. If I don't stick to meat or other protein-rich foods, I can tell that I don't get enough calories and nutrients. I think it even started to affect my period; I was two weeks late this month. If I were sexually active, I would've been freaking out. As it was, I was just kind of freaking out because I'm usually really regular. My mom was the one who suggested it could be because of my diet. I know I've been quite lax on the protein lately, so now I'm committed to getting in the recommended amounts.
Like I said earlier, it would be a lot harder if I couldn't just cook up a chicken breast, fish, or a nice juicy steak in order to get my protein fix.
3. I don't like soda. A lot of WLS patients struggle with the no soda rule. The carbonation causes the stomach to expand, allowing for more food to be eaten, and can eventually negate the surgery. Plus, soda is just a bunch of empty calories. Now, I'm not trying to convince all you soda drinkers to stop drinking it...I know a hopeless cause when I see it (teehee). I'm just grateful that soda was never something I really got into.
I thank my high school volleyball coach for that. He made us give it up if we wanted to be on the team. So I did. Over the years, I'll have the occasional soda. I especially enjoy a ginger ale every now and then. However, the times I drank soda were few and far between. I didn't have to give it up when I had my surgery. Woohoo!
*********************
Not that everything is totally easy-cheesy about the band. I started "practicing" not drinking water with my meals a good two months before my surgery and still find it difficult. Yep, almost one year of not doing it and I could take up that habit again as easily as blinking. If I have something to distract me, it isn't too terrible, but if I don't, I count down the minutes before I can drink water again. And then, because my band is a smidgen too tight, I can't gulp it down like I'd like or I'll end up regretting it (regretting = throwing up).
Restaurants are especially difficult because they place the water right in front of me. With ice. And a straw. Sadists! Just after my surgery, when asked what I'd like to drink, I'd tell the waiter/waitress that I didn't want anything to drink. Not even water, they'd query. I'd say no, they'd look at me funny, ask me if I was sure, then walk away like I was some sort of weirdo. It wasn't worth it. So, now I practice uncharacteristic self-restraint by ordering the one beverage I love more than any other, the beverage that is totally off-limits while eating, and allow it to rest provocatively near my hand while I wait for my food to be delivered. (You see, I can't drink for 30 minutes before or after eating either.)
********************
When all is said and done, though, getting used to my new eating lifestyle hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. Mostly, this is due to how I lived and ate before the surgery. I'm so glad I'm me. *smile*
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
A Little Venting
Please allow me to vent just a little bit. The following vent-ation has little or nothing to do with most of you, if not all of you, which is why I feel comfortable airing out my frustration in this venue.
Lately, there have been a few people who feel they need to comment on what I eat. It's crazy! I get more criticism of what I'm putting in my mouth now than I ever did when I weighed much, much more. For example:
Last week, having had no time to grocery shop, I brought leftover pasta salad (from family festivities) to work for lunch. Seriously, it was the only edible item in my house besides sticks of butter. My boss, coming into my office (the kitchen), scowled at my 1/2 cup of pasta salad and remarked, "I thought you weren't supposed to eat carbs." I brushed off the comment, but it really irritated me. I should have said, "I guess I don't have a personal chef/wife to shop while I work and make all my lunches and dinners for me, so I have to make do with whatever food I have." Grrrr.
This wasn't the first time since my surgery that he's made a little comment about what I'm eating. Nor is he the only one who does it. A couple other people have felt the need to question what I'm eating, too. It's really annoying. I eat about 1/3 (or less) of what most people eat, yet I don't sit and stare at their plates and judge how much they eat or what they eat. I wouldn't even think of doing that! So, why do some people do it to me?
I mean, I'm obviously doing ok - I've lost over 90 pounds in 6 months!! Yes, I cheat. I've cheated almost since day 1. Really. Two weeks after my surgery I ate 2 chocolate chip cookies (one a day) that were being offered at the front desk of the hotel at which I was staying. On the third day, the hotel didn't have the complimentary cookies out, so I ended up buying a Hostess cupcake out of the vending machine. TWO WEEKS after my surgery!
I'm not saying it wouldn't be helpful not to cheat. I'm sure I could have lost even more weight if I stuck to my doctor's prescribed diet, but I haven't. And, I don't see myself ever sticking to it 100%. I figure I have to live with how I lose weight for a long time. And, when I lose all the weight I need to lose, I'm going to have to keep it off for a very long time (my life). It would be completely unrealistic for me to never have Raisinets at a movie again for the rest of my life. So, I'm working at eating better than I used to, but in a way that is do-able on a long-term basis. No matter the reasons I eat what I eat, though, it's no one's business except my own. Humfph.
So, don't be surprised if you see me eating something that you think someone who is trying to lose weight should avoid. And please, PLEASE!, don't comment on it. I'm a woman on the edge!
In return, I promise not to wonder how someone can possibly eat a whole hamburger...on a bun...plus the side of french fries...and dessert. *smile*
Lately, there have been a few people who feel they need to comment on what I eat. It's crazy! I get more criticism of what I'm putting in my mouth now than I ever did when I weighed much, much more. For example:
Last week, having had no time to grocery shop, I brought leftover pasta salad (from family festivities) to work for lunch. Seriously, it was the only edible item in my house besides sticks of butter. My boss, coming into my office (the kitchen), scowled at my 1/2 cup of pasta salad and remarked, "I thought you weren't supposed to eat carbs." I brushed off the comment, but it really irritated me. I should have said, "I guess I don't have a personal chef/wife to shop while I work and make all my lunches and dinners for me, so I have to make do with whatever food I have." Grrrr.
This wasn't the first time since my surgery that he's made a little comment about what I'm eating. Nor is he the only one who does it. A couple other people have felt the need to question what I'm eating, too. It's really annoying. I eat about 1/3 (or less) of what most people eat, yet I don't sit and stare at their plates and judge how much they eat or what they eat. I wouldn't even think of doing that! So, why do some people do it to me?
I mean, I'm obviously doing ok - I've lost over 90 pounds in 6 months!! Yes, I cheat. I've cheated almost since day 1. Really. Two weeks after my surgery I ate 2 chocolate chip cookies (one a day) that were being offered at the front desk of the hotel at which I was staying. On the third day, the hotel didn't have the complimentary cookies out, so I ended up buying a Hostess cupcake out of the vending machine. TWO WEEKS after my surgery!
I'm not saying it wouldn't be helpful not to cheat. I'm sure I could have lost even more weight if I stuck to my doctor's prescribed diet, but I haven't. And, I don't see myself ever sticking to it 100%. I figure I have to live with how I lose weight for a long time. And, when I lose all the weight I need to lose, I'm going to have to keep it off for a very long time (my life). It would be completely unrealistic for me to never have Raisinets at a movie again for the rest of my life. So, I'm working at eating better than I used to, but in a way that is do-able on a long-term basis. No matter the reasons I eat what I eat, though, it's no one's business except my own. Humfph.
So, don't be surprised if you see me eating something that you think someone who is trying to lose weight should avoid. And please, PLEASE!, don't comment on it. I'm a woman on the edge!
In return, I promise not to wonder how someone can possibly eat a whole hamburger...on a bun...plus the side of french fries...and dessert. *smile*
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Support and a Decision
I’ve always underestimated the importance of support when losing weight.
A couple years ago, when I tried Weight Watchers for three weeks, I thought the meetings were hokey and uninformative. The thought of attending one every week didn’t appeal to me, and I couldn’t figure out why my mom enjoyed them so much.
I tend to be a tad too independent for my own good sometimes.
I still think those meeting were a little hokey and now would probably enjoy them only marginally more than I did back then, but I get why they helped my mom. It’s helpful to have contact with people who are going through, or that have gone through, the same things you’re going through.
No one in my day-to-day life knows what it’s like to have had weight loss surgery. They don’t understand the challenges I face; what it’s like to get food stuck, the gas pain in my shoulder (just keeping it real), getting a fill, or a myriad of other things that you can’t totally get if you haven’t had WLS.
The people at my support group get it. They’ve had those same challenges, are working through the same difficulties I’m facing or will face. They have words of wisdom on how to cope with gas pain, menu ideas that stay within our guidelines, and suggestions on keeping on the path to weight loss. It’s a small group, but everyone is so different and has had so many similar and different experiences that a lot of ground is covered.
I didn’t attend last month’s meeting (for a stupid reason) and have been amazed by how much I missed it. The meetings motivate me to do what I “should be” doing. If for no other reason, I’d keep going just to be able to talk with people who know what I’m going through.
I had an “ah ha” moment last night. The theme of the meeting was Personal Accountability; accepting responsibility for everything we put in our mouths and for our choice to exercise or not. It was the perfect theme for me.
Peggy, the group leader, told us a story. She had strictly kept to the diet guidelines as outlined by her (and mine) doctor for just over a year after her surgery; three meals a day of mostly protein and no snacking. Then one day she saw a solitary peanut in an otherwise empty bowl at work. Without thinking, she ate the peanut. A day or two later, she ate a few more peanuts from the now full bowl, rationalizing that the one peanut the other day hadn’t derailed her weight loss, neither would these. Within no time, she was back to her old snacking ways – all the things she hadn’t eaten in months she now ate because every time she ate something new, she rationalized that the item she ate the day before hadn’t killed her, this wouldn’t either.
I totally recognized this in myself. I’ve slowly become more permissive in the things I’ll allow myself to eat (though still holding firm to others – ice cream is still a big “no, no” to me). It started with one Hershey’s kiss a day after lunch. Then it worked its way up to two a day. Then it was a tiny slice of chocolate cake at Sunday dinner with my family. Then I ate a slightly larger slice the next time, since the last slice didn’t stop me from losing weight. Slowly, I’ve started eating the odd cookie, handful or chips, slice of pizza, and other things that are not a part of my diet plan. Yes, I’m still losing weight, but I’m also re-establishing the habits that got me at my weight dilemma in the first place.
I decided to recommit to avoiding the foods that don’t fill me up, add empty calories into my body, and don’t really make me feel good. There are so many good foods that will nourish my body, keep me feeling full for hours, and taste delicious - why not enjoy them and forget about that other stuff? Not that I won’t have the occasional treat, but the idea is to make treats the exception instead of the rule – lately they’ve been well on their way to re-establishing themselves as the Rule in my life.
We joked that Peggy’s peanut was the “gateway drug” that led her down more dangerous paths. I looked at my gateway drug – chocolate kisses – and decided to give up my daily dose of chocolate. I’d like to think that someday I’ll be able to have one Hershey’s kiss and not have it lead to other indiscretions, but honestly, I may never be able to.
It’s a price I never realized I’m willing to pay.
A couple years ago, when I tried Weight Watchers for three weeks, I thought the meetings were hokey and uninformative. The thought of attending one every week didn’t appeal to me, and I couldn’t figure out why my mom enjoyed them so much.
I tend to be a tad too independent for my own good sometimes.
I still think those meeting were a little hokey and now would probably enjoy them only marginally more than I did back then, but I get why they helped my mom. It’s helpful to have contact with people who are going through, or that have gone through, the same things you’re going through.
No one in my day-to-day life knows what it’s like to have had weight loss surgery. They don’t understand the challenges I face; what it’s like to get food stuck, the gas pain in my shoulder (just keeping it real), getting a fill, or a myriad of other things that you can’t totally get if you haven’t had WLS.
The people at my support group get it. They’ve had those same challenges, are working through the same difficulties I’m facing or will face. They have words of wisdom on how to cope with gas pain, menu ideas that stay within our guidelines, and suggestions on keeping on the path to weight loss. It’s a small group, but everyone is so different and has had so many similar and different experiences that a lot of ground is covered.
I didn’t attend last month’s meeting (for a stupid reason) and have been amazed by how much I missed it. The meetings motivate me to do what I “should be” doing. If for no other reason, I’d keep going just to be able to talk with people who know what I’m going through.
I had an “ah ha” moment last night. The theme of the meeting was Personal Accountability; accepting responsibility for everything we put in our mouths and for our choice to exercise or not. It was the perfect theme for me.
Peggy, the group leader, told us a story. She had strictly kept to the diet guidelines as outlined by her (and mine) doctor for just over a year after her surgery; three meals a day of mostly protein and no snacking. Then one day she saw a solitary peanut in an otherwise empty bowl at work. Without thinking, she ate the peanut. A day or two later, she ate a few more peanuts from the now full bowl, rationalizing that the one peanut the other day hadn’t derailed her weight loss, neither would these. Within no time, she was back to her old snacking ways – all the things she hadn’t eaten in months she now ate because every time she ate something new, she rationalized that the item she ate the day before hadn’t killed her, this wouldn’t either.
I totally recognized this in myself. I’ve slowly become more permissive in the things I’ll allow myself to eat (though still holding firm to others – ice cream is still a big “no, no” to me). It started with one Hershey’s kiss a day after lunch. Then it worked its way up to two a day. Then it was a tiny slice of chocolate cake at Sunday dinner with my family. Then I ate a slightly larger slice the next time, since the last slice didn’t stop me from losing weight. Slowly, I’ve started eating the odd cookie, handful or chips, slice of pizza, and other things that are not a part of my diet plan. Yes, I’m still losing weight, but I’m also re-establishing the habits that got me at my weight dilemma in the first place.
I decided to recommit to avoiding the foods that don’t fill me up, add empty calories into my body, and don’t really make me feel good. There are so many good foods that will nourish my body, keep me feeling full for hours, and taste delicious - why not enjoy them and forget about that other stuff? Not that I won’t have the occasional treat, but the idea is to make treats the exception instead of the rule – lately they’ve been well on their way to re-establishing themselves as the Rule in my life.
We joked that Peggy’s peanut was the “gateway drug” that led her down more dangerous paths. I looked at my gateway drug – chocolate kisses – and decided to give up my daily dose of chocolate. I’d like to think that someday I’ll be able to have one Hershey’s kiss and not have it lead to other indiscretions, but honestly, I may never be able to.
It’s a price I never realized I’m willing to pay.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
The Red Zone
*Maybe not the best read if you have a sensitive stomach. I'm just saying.
Yesterday, I had my monthly appointment with my surgeon. I woke up in a great mood - it was sunny outside, I felt like a million bucks, and life seemed wonderful.
To add to my joy, my doctor was actually on time for the appointment - woohoo! We discussed how the previous month had gone for me, and he expressed his satisfaction with the weight I have lost so far. He asked me bunches of questions; do I get heartburn (no), do I vomit (no), how much of my diet is protein (70% or so), do I exercise (yes), what (walk/ride my bike), how often (5-7 days a week), etc.
He asked me if I wanted my band filled. In each of his rooms, there is a little chart that distinguishes the three "zones" of band filling. The first zone is Yellow. In this zone, you get hungry easily, eat "large" meals or snack constantly, and go looking for food. The second zone is Green. In this zone, satiety lasts at least 4 hours, you eat 2-3 meals a day that are 1/2 - 3/4 cup, and are able to eat solid proteins. The last zone is Red. While in this zone, you can't eat solid proteins, only liquids. You have heartburn and vomit if you eat anything. The goal is to be in the Green zone.
I decided I was in the last part of the Yellow zone and explained why - my meals are slowly getting larger than 3/4 cup. He agreed to fill my band just a little. Usually, a nurse practitioner does the fill, but they were both gone so he did it. What a difference! He found the port quickly and didn't show me the needles (thank heavens!) before sticking me with them. It was over before I knew it. He had me drink some water, and everything seemed perfectly fine, so I scheduled my April appointment and drove home.
When I got to work, I worked for a bit and at lunch time heated up my piece of chicken. I ate it while working, never a good idea, but tried to keep to the regulations - small bites, chew thoroughly, and pay attention to feelings of fullness. Before I finished, I started to feel full, so I stopped. The fullness increased to pain. A lot of pain. I couldn't breath so I left the office and went into the bathroom across the hall. I couldn't swallow my spit, the fullness in my chest was so painful. Eventually, I vomited up spit. The two other times I've overeaten, this step has reduced the fullness and I've quickly felt better. Not this time. It reduced the pain but it slowly increased again until I thought my chest would burst. Then I vomited spit again. This happened numerous times - too many to count - for a couple hours. Finally, more than spit came out. None of my lunch had made it through the band. At this point, the day was almost over but I was relieved to start feeling better.
As you might guess, I was in no hurry to eat again, so I didn't eat dinner until around 6:30. I hoped that maybe I had just eaten too much too quickly at lunch and that is what had caused the bad reaction. I made chicken breasts and cut one in half for my dinner. Not wanting a repeat of lunch, I ate very slowly, chewed my food 'til it was practically pureed, and ate tiny bites. Well, after just a few bites, I felt that same fullness from lunch. The next few hours were a repeat of my afternoon. Basically, it was hell. I called my doctor's office and left a message saying I'd be in the next day to get some of the saline out of my band, then called my office to let my coworker know I'd be in late. Fortunately, I felt much better by the time I went to bed - just after 11pm - so was able to get a decent night's sleep.
I awoke this morning feeling great. Maybe I wouldn't need to go down afterall, I hoped. I hopped on my bike and 5 minutes into it, took a sip of water. As needed, I'd take another sip. After 10 minutes, the fullness was back! I'd only had water! I stopped riding after 15 minutes because the pain was coming back, too. It was discouraging to know that even water wasn't making its way through the band. No wonder food caused me so much pain! I hurried to get ready and left for the doctor's office.
I was so hungry and thirsty by the time I arrived. And, did I mention that I'm PMSing? I am. So, I wasn't in the best emotional state when they told me that no one was there who could take some saline out of my band. I'd have to wait 30 minutes. No problem. Then they said no one would be there 'til this afternoon. I started to cry. I explained that I'm leaving for WY today for work and have lots to do to get ready and I can't go another day without eating or drinking water. Yeah, I cried. Not proud of it, but I did. The office staff was awesome! They quickly found someone who could come asap and kept comforting me. I was so embarrassed. While we waited, they weighed me again - I had lost 5 pounds in one day, no food or water will do that, I guess - and took my blood pressure, etc.
Finally, a nurse practitioner arrived and took out 75% of what my doctor had put in. We talked about it beforehand and decided to take most of it out to make sure I wouldn't have any issues while in WY but left some in to hopefully give me the help I needed to reduce my meal sizes. She admitted to being new to the process, and I could tell. It took her a long time to find the port and sometimes I felt pain despite the numbing stuff she'd injected. She'd apologize but I'd brush it off and thank her for being there. And, really, I'd suffer the pain gladly to get that saline out! She had me take a couple big gulps of water to make sure it felt better and suggested I eat something before leaving town to see if I could eat. I ate some peanuts when I got to my car and they went down fine. My lunch went fine, too, and I'm able to drink water. Also, I think the band is just tight enough to help me eat smaller meals. I think I'm finally in the Green zone. Woohoo!
Thank heavens I'm not in the Red zone anymore. That was NOT fun! According to my doctor, some people stay in the Red zone on purpose because they think it will help them lose weight faster. In reality, they start drinking high calorie liquids or eat easy-to-eat foods like ice cream and end up gaining weight instead. Honestly, I'd rather lose an ounce a week than go through another day like that. It was so miserable!
It certainly makes me hesitant to get another fill any time soon! *shudder* Hopefully, I'll stay in the Green zone for a long time!
Yesterday, I had my monthly appointment with my surgeon. I woke up in a great mood - it was sunny outside, I felt like a million bucks, and life seemed wonderful.
To add to my joy, my doctor was actually on time for the appointment - woohoo! We discussed how the previous month had gone for me, and he expressed his satisfaction with the weight I have lost so far. He asked me bunches of questions; do I get heartburn (no), do I vomit (no), how much of my diet is protein (70% or so), do I exercise (yes), what (walk/ride my bike), how often (5-7 days a week), etc.
He asked me if I wanted my band filled. In each of his rooms, there is a little chart that distinguishes the three "zones" of band filling. The first zone is Yellow. In this zone, you get hungry easily, eat "large" meals or snack constantly, and go looking for food. The second zone is Green. In this zone, satiety lasts at least 4 hours, you eat 2-3 meals a day that are 1/2 - 3/4 cup, and are able to eat solid proteins. The last zone is Red. While in this zone, you can't eat solid proteins, only liquids. You have heartburn and vomit if you eat anything. The goal is to be in the Green zone.
I decided I was in the last part of the Yellow zone and explained why - my meals are slowly getting larger than 3/4 cup. He agreed to fill my band just a little. Usually, a nurse practitioner does the fill, but they were both gone so he did it. What a difference! He found the port quickly and didn't show me the needles (thank heavens!) before sticking me with them. It was over before I knew it. He had me drink some water, and everything seemed perfectly fine, so I scheduled my April appointment and drove home.
When I got to work, I worked for a bit and at lunch time heated up my piece of chicken. I ate it while working, never a good idea, but tried to keep to the regulations - small bites, chew thoroughly, and pay attention to feelings of fullness. Before I finished, I started to feel full, so I stopped. The fullness increased to pain. A lot of pain. I couldn't breath so I left the office and went into the bathroom across the hall. I couldn't swallow my spit, the fullness in my chest was so painful. Eventually, I vomited up spit. The two other times I've overeaten, this step has reduced the fullness and I've quickly felt better. Not this time. It reduced the pain but it slowly increased again until I thought my chest would burst. Then I vomited spit again. This happened numerous times - too many to count - for a couple hours. Finally, more than spit came out. None of my lunch had made it through the band. At this point, the day was almost over but I was relieved to start feeling better.
As you might guess, I was in no hurry to eat again, so I didn't eat dinner until around 6:30. I hoped that maybe I had just eaten too much too quickly at lunch and that is what had caused the bad reaction. I made chicken breasts and cut one in half for my dinner. Not wanting a repeat of lunch, I ate very slowly, chewed my food 'til it was practically pureed, and ate tiny bites. Well, after just a few bites, I felt that same fullness from lunch. The next few hours were a repeat of my afternoon. Basically, it was hell. I called my doctor's office and left a message saying I'd be in the next day to get some of the saline out of my band, then called my office to let my coworker know I'd be in late. Fortunately, I felt much better by the time I went to bed - just after 11pm - so was able to get a decent night's sleep.
I awoke this morning feeling great. Maybe I wouldn't need to go down afterall, I hoped. I hopped on my bike and 5 minutes into it, took a sip of water. As needed, I'd take another sip. After 10 minutes, the fullness was back! I'd only had water! I stopped riding after 15 minutes because the pain was coming back, too. It was discouraging to know that even water wasn't making its way through the band. No wonder food caused me so much pain! I hurried to get ready and left for the doctor's office.
I was so hungry and thirsty by the time I arrived. And, did I mention that I'm PMSing? I am. So, I wasn't in the best emotional state when they told me that no one was there who could take some saline out of my band. I'd have to wait 30 minutes. No problem. Then they said no one would be there 'til this afternoon. I started to cry. I explained that I'm leaving for WY today for work and have lots to do to get ready and I can't go another day without eating or drinking water. Yeah, I cried. Not proud of it, but I did. The office staff was awesome! They quickly found someone who could come asap and kept comforting me. I was so embarrassed. While we waited, they weighed me again - I had lost 5 pounds in one day, no food or water will do that, I guess - and took my blood pressure, etc.
Finally, a nurse practitioner arrived and took out 75% of what my doctor had put in. We talked about it beforehand and decided to take most of it out to make sure I wouldn't have any issues while in WY but left some in to hopefully give me the help I needed to reduce my meal sizes. She admitted to being new to the process, and I could tell. It took her a long time to find the port and sometimes I felt pain despite the numbing stuff she'd injected. She'd apologize but I'd brush it off and thank her for being there. And, really, I'd suffer the pain gladly to get that saline out! She had me take a couple big gulps of water to make sure it felt better and suggested I eat something before leaving town to see if I could eat. I ate some peanuts when I got to my car and they went down fine. My lunch went fine, too, and I'm able to drink water. Also, I think the band is just tight enough to help me eat smaller meals. I think I'm finally in the Green zone. Woohoo!
Thank heavens I'm not in the Red zone anymore. That was NOT fun! According to my doctor, some people stay in the Red zone on purpose because they think it will help them lose weight faster. In reality, they start drinking high calorie liquids or eat easy-to-eat foods like ice cream and end up gaining weight instead. Honestly, I'd rather lose an ounce a week than go through another day like that. It was so miserable!
It certainly makes me hesitant to get another fill any time soon! *shudder* Hopefully, I'll stay in the Green zone for a long time!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Driving and Eating, Eating and Driving
To me, they go hand in hand, like peanut butter and jelly or Oreos and milk or...(trying to think of something unrelated to food)...or...pen and paper (aha!).
Not that I grew up eating in the car a lot. Mostly, I slept on our family trips, making the journey seem shorter. However, since sleeping while I drive isn't an option nowadays, I eat. I tried to eat healthy food while driving, but looking back on last year's plethora of trips, I definitely fit in a lot of unhealthy food. Seriously, whenever I'd stumble across a bag of mint crispy M&Ms I'd buy at least two bags - one for immediate consumption and the other for the next day. I'd eat out at diners (heavens, I still remember that delicious bacon, lettuce, tomato, and egg sandwich in Guernsey!), fast food, corn dogs at Flying J, and the occasional bag of chips. Even my "healthy" choices were nutritionally-lacking; licorice, pretzels, and sunflower seeds.
After my surgery, I figured I'd have awhile to figure out what I would do once I started driving again. I certainly didn't expect to get a job offer on my second day back to work! I panicked a little, not knowing what I would eat, how I'd stay awake, and if I would have the energy needed to get through a day of testing.
I consulted with my mom and she suggested almonds (good fats and protein) and string cheese. I bought both and caved in and bought a bag of BBQ sunflower seeds, too, just in case. (It's unbelievable how much they help me fight off fatigue!) Oh, and a bag of cinnamon hard candy to relieve my sweet tooth. Oh, and water. A big bottle of water because I get thirsty very easily nowadays. Finally, I brought along my leftover pork medallions for meals. I didn't want them to go to waste and they're the perfect size!
When I set out, I made a pact with myself to only eat when I was 1) physically hungry and not just bored and 2) going to fall asleep if I didn't. It worked quite well really. No mindless snacking. The two books on CD that Mom loaned me helped a lot, too. They were really interesting and kept my mind occupied. The pork gave me two healthy dinners then I had to throw the rest out because my Casper hotel didn't have a fridge. I ended up settling on Chicken Selects from McD's because I couldn't think of what else to buy. I ate one a meal. I've gotta say, I'm going to save a bundle on food now!
I did make some unwise choices, though. The hotel offered chocolate chip cookies at the desk. When I checked in, I took one. It took me a long time to eat it, but it was so good! The next night, I stopped by the desk and had another one. I couldn't finish it, but what I ate was divine. The last night, they didn't offer any cookies. I was so looking forward to one that I bought a package of Hostess cupcakes from the vending machine right next to my room. I could only eat 1/2 at a time, but throughout the night, I ate both cupcakes. I was so sick!!! Now the thought of them makes me want to puke. If only they would have had a cookie available! Really, if only I would have been strong at first and not taken the first cookie! I learned a lesson, though, I need to give myself healthy sweet options for after dinner or I'll turn to less healthy options. I wish I could say I'll never want dessert again, but I'm not there. I may never be there. At home I have sugar-free popsicles and sugar-free jello. When I'm out at a job, I'll need to come up with something so I don't eat cupcakes again. (Though I don't think it'll be cupcakes again. Bleh!)
All in all, though, I think I did fairly well. I even managed to exercise every day! Most of the time, I just walked up and down the hallway several times, but Saturday night I finally discovered where the fitness room was hiding and rode the stationary bike for 20 minutes while watching The Empire Strikes Back. It felt good. I love stationary bike rides.
Weight loss for the week: 4 pounds
Total weight loss: 36 pounds
Not that I grew up eating in the car a lot. Mostly, I slept on our family trips, making the journey seem shorter. However, since sleeping while I drive isn't an option nowadays, I eat. I tried to eat healthy food while driving, but looking back on last year's plethora of trips, I definitely fit in a lot of unhealthy food. Seriously, whenever I'd stumble across a bag of mint crispy M&Ms I'd buy at least two bags - one for immediate consumption and the other for the next day. I'd eat out at diners (heavens, I still remember that delicious bacon, lettuce, tomato, and egg sandwich in Guernsey!), fast food, corn dogs at Flying J, and the occasional bag of chips. Even my "healthy" choices were nutritionally-lacking; licorice, pretzels, and sunflower seeds.
After my surgery, I figured I'd have awhile to figure out what I would do once I started driving again. I certainly didn't expect to get a job offer on my second day back to work! I panicked a little, not knowing what I would eat, how I'd stay awake, and if I would have the energy needed to get through a day of testing.
I consulted with my mom and she suggested almonds (good fats and protein) and string cheese. I bought both and caved in and bought a bag of BBQ sunflower seeds, too, just in case. (It's unbelievable how much they help me fight off fatigue!) Oh, and a bag of cinnamon hard candy to relieve my sweet tooth. Oh, and water. A big bottle of water because I get thirsty very easily nowadays. Finally, I brought along my leftover pork medallions for meals. I didn't want them to go to waste and they're the perfect size!
When I set out, I made a pact with myself to only eat when I was 1) physically hungry and not just bored and 2) going to fall asleep if I didn't. It worked quite well really. No mindless snacking. The two books on CD that Mom loaned me helped a lot, too. They were really interesting and kept my mind occupied. The pork gave me two healthy dinners then I had to throw the rest out because my Casper hotel didn't have a fridge. I ended up settling on Chicken Selects from McD's because I couldn't think of what else to buy. I ate one a meal. I've gotta say, I'm going to save a bundle on food now!
I did make some unwise choices, though. The hotel offered chocolate chip cookies at the desk. When I checked in, I took one. It took me a long time to eat it, but it was so good! The next night, I stopped by the desk and had another one. I couldn't finish it, but what I ate was divine. The last night, they didn't offer any cookies. I was so looking forward to one that I bought a package of Hostess cupcakes from the vending machine right next to my room. I could only eat 1/2 at a time, but throughout the night, I ate both cupcakes. I was so sick!!! Now the thought of them makes me want to puke. If only they would have had a cookie available! Really, if only I would have been strong at first and not taken the first cookie! I learned a lesson, though, I need to give myself healthy sweet options for after dinner or I'll turn to less healthy options. I wish I could say I'll never want dessert again, but I'm not there. I may never be there. At home I have sugar-free popsicles and sugar-free jello. When I'm out at a job, I'll need to come up with something so I don't eat cupcakes again. (Though I don't think it'll be cupcakes again. Bleh!)
All in all, though, I think I did fairly well. I even managed to exercise every day! Most of the time, I just walked up and down the hallway several times, but Saturday night I finally discovered where the fitness room was hiding and rode the stationary bike for 20 minutes while watching The Empire Strikes Back. It felt good. I love stationary bike rides.
Weight loss for the week: 4 pounds
Total weight loss: 36 pounds
Monday, January 5, 2009
Back to Life
Today, I officially returned to the real world. I went back to work after almost 2 weeks off.
It wasn't too bad coming back. My boss isn't in today, so my coworker and I had plenty of time to catch up on our holidays. Also, not a lot of people come in when my boss is gone, giving me plenty of time to take care of a lot of the things that had piled up while I was off.
I hurt, though. Wearing real clothes is uncomfortable after lounging around in sweats and t-shirts for most of the past two weeks. The waist of my skirt hits my most sensitive and biggest incision, causing pain. And, I miss my slippers. They are so warm and comfortable and my "office" is the coldest room at work, so my feet are chilly.
There is big plus, though, about coming back to work. As I've started feeling better, I've started wanting to snack more frequently. My band doesn't get filled for another 2 weeks, so there's nothing keeping the food from going down to my stomach at a fairly normal pace. I can only handle a little less than 1/2 a cup (I've worked on eating about that much) before getting uncomfortably full, but within 2 hours I'm hungry again. At work, there are enough things to keep me busy so I don't think about being hungry. Woohoo! Once my band is filled, I should stay satiated for about 4 hours. I can handle this for 2 more weeks. Heck! I lived off of SlimFast for 10 days - this is easy! At least I get to chew my food!
Speaking of which, yesterday I finally got back in the kitchen and cooked! I made turkey bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin medallions (wow - what a name!) with a maple-mustard sauce. Mmmm. It was so yummy! The medallions aren't very big, smaller than my palm, but I can't eat a whole one. Last night, while talking to my roommates, I wasn't paying attention and almost ate the entire medallion (it was about 2/3 the size of my palm). All of a sudden, my chest started to hurt and I thought I was going to throw up. I had definitely consumed too much. Fortunately, the feeling didn't last long, but it taught me a valuable lesson: Pay attention to what I'm eating!! I took it slower when I had one for lunch today but still couldn't manage to eat the whole thing before starting to feel full. At least I stopped before I started feeling sick.
Even though the past week was pretty nice, laying around and watching tv, reading, and sleeping whenever I felt the urge, I'm glad to be back to normal life. It's great to be back at work, being able to eat, and feeling really good. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Woohoo!
Weight Lost: 34 pounds (give or take a few ounces) as of this morning.
It wasn't too bad coming back. My boss isn't in today, so my coworker and I had plenty of time to catch up on our holidays. Also, not a lot of people come in when my boss is gone, giving me plenty of time to take care of a lot of the things that had piled up while I was off.
I hurt, though. Wearing real clothes is uncomfortable after lounging around in sweats and t-shirts for most of the past two weeks. The waist of my skirt hits my most sensitive and biggest incision, causing pain. And, I miss my slippers. They are so warm and comfortable and my "office" is the coldest room at work, so my feet are chilly.
There is big plus, though, about coming back to work. As I've started feeling better, I've started wanting to snack more frequently. My band doesn't get filled for another 2 weeks, so there's nothing keeping the food from going down to my stomach at a fairly normal pace. I can only handle a little less than 1/2 a cup (I've worked on eating about that much) before getting uncomfortably full, but within 2 hours I'm hungry again. At work, there are enough things to keep me busy so I don't think about being hungry. Woohoo! Once my band is filled, I should stay satiated for about 4 hours. I can handle this for 2 more weeks. Heck! I lived off of SlimFast for 10 days - this is easy! At least I get to chew my food!
Speaking of which, yesterday I finally got back in the kitchen and cooked! I made turkey bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin medallions (wow - what a name!) with a maple-mustard sauce. Mmmm. It was so yummy! The medallions aren't very big, smaller than my palm, but I can't eat a whole one. Last night, while talking to my roommates, I wasn't paying attention and almost ate the entire medallion (it was about 2/3 the size of my palm). All of a sudden, my chest started to hurt and I thought I was going to throw up. I had definitely consumed too much. Fortunately, the feeling didn't last long, but it taught me a valuable lesson: Pay attention to what I'm eating!! I took it slower when I had one for lunch today but still couldn't manage to eat the whole thing before starting to feel full. At least I stopped before I started feeling sick.
Even though the past week was pretty nice, laying around and watching tv, reading, and sleeping whenever I felt the urge, I'm glad to be back to normal life. It's great to be back at work, being able to eat, and feeling really good. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Woohoo!
Weight Lost: 34 pounds (give or take a few ounces) as of this morning.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
What They Don't Tell You
I don't have a lot of experience with surgery, thank heavens, my only other surgery was on my hand - I broke it playing volleyball in 1995. They gave me a local anesthetic and some pain pills afterward. I didn't even have to have a cast because the screws inside my hand were holding the bones in place; I just had one of those Ace bandages wrapped around a splint. I only took 2 pain pills because I got sick after the second one.
That was my reference point when considering my Lap Band surgery. I figured I'd be up and going shortly afterward and that my body would be more-or-less what it was like beforehand. No one told me differently. These are some things they didn't tell me about life immediately after surgery.
1. Dry Throat. I woke up from the surgery and started talking. Probably not the best idea, but I didn't know better. My throat dried out instantly and it's never recovered. Seriously, to this day, if I talk more than three words in a row or do anything more active than walking to my bedroom, my throat dries out like an overcooked steak.* I carry water with me everywhere to combat dry throat, even to the grocery store!
2. Dry Skin. I never realized how much my shower poof helped my skin! At least, I've never had such dry skin as I did when I was only giving myself sponge baths or using the bar of soap at my mom's house when I was finally able to shower. My legs, stomach, arms, and everywhere else started to get flaky! Bleh! I used lotion, which helped, but now that I'm using a poof again, the dryness is disappearing. Being able to drink more water during the day has helped, too.
3. Loopiness. Pain medicine = drugged. I know that sounds like a "duh" statement, but since I don't really take a lot of pain medicine, I wasn't prepared for its affects. I had a hard time remembering some things, said things that didn't make sense, and sometimes couldn't make sense of what others were saying. I got dizzy easily and was constantly sleepy. I hated feeling that way, hence why I stopped taking it (that and it tasted like the devil).
4. Activity Level. I really felt I'd be up and going fine shortly after my surgery. I knew I was probably jumping the gun a little when I went to Dad's the day after, but I figured that by this week I'd be fairly normal. Nope. Yesterday, I exercised with a 20 minute walking tape, went grocery shopping, then went to a movie with Mom. By the time I made it home, I was in a lot of pain. Enough pain to make me consider taking pain medicine again. I didn't, of course. Bleh! I couldn't believe that such minimal activity could wipe me out this far removed from my surgery. How annoying!
5. Surgery tape. It's a pain. I have 5 incisions, 4 pretty small and 1 big (maybe an inch and a half long), and all 5 were covered with surgery tape. I was told to let the tape come off on its own, no helping it along, and that it should be off within a week to 10 days. Two of the small incisions lost their tape by New Years. The third was so close that I helped it along yesterday. The fourth small incision is really, really close but there are a couple stubborn spots. The big incision's tape sticks like it was put on yesterday. It's going to take a month for it to come off! It wouldn't bug me except the edges start collecting lint and turn dark, and I'm OCD enough that I can't stand less-than-pristine tape. Oh, and the tape smells funny and has since they put it on (not just because it's almost two weeks old).
Have I complained enough yet? Here's a positive one:
6. Eating less. Yes, yes, I had a band put around the top part of my stomach, but it hasn't been filled yet. My surgeon said that some people don't feel any sort of restriction with it on at this point, while others feel just a little restriction. I'm having a hard time wanting to eat anything more than about 1/4 cup of food. I know I need to work myself up to a 1/2 cup so my body is getting more nutrients, but it's hard. I'm enjoying solid food, but after a few bites, I'm ready to stop. I went to a New Years party with lots of yummy-looking food and wasn't even tempted! Amazing.
Weight Lost: 32 lbs, as of Thursday morning.
* I really wrote this post just so I could use this line. Teehee.
That was my reference point when considering my Lap Band surgery. I figured I'd be up and going shortly afterward and that my body would be more-or-less what it was like beforehand. No one told me differently. These are some things they didn't tell me about life immediately after surgery.
1. Dry Throat. I woke up from the surgery and started talking. Probably not the best idea, but I didn't know better. My throat dried out instantly and it's never recovered. Seriously, to this day, if I talk more than three words in a row or do anything more active than walking to my bedroom, my throat dries out like an overcooked steak.* I carry water with me everywhere to combat dry throat, even to the grocery store!
2. Dry Skin. I never realized how much my shower poof helped my skin! At least, I've never had such dry skin as I did when I was only giving myself sponge baths or using the bar of soap at my mom's house when I was finally able to shower. My legs, stomach, arms, and everywhere else started to get flaky! Bleh! I used lotion, which helped, but now that I'm using a poof again, the dryness is disappearing. Being able to drink more water during the day has helped, too.
3. Loopiness. Pain medicine = drugged. I know that sounds like a "duh" statement, but since I don't really take a lot of pain medicine, I wasn't prepared for its affects. I had a hard time remembering some things, said things that didn't make sense, and sometimes couldn't make sense of what others were saying. I got dizzy easily and was constantly sleepy. I hated feeling that way, hence why I stopped taking it (that and it tasted like the devil).
4. Activity Level. I really felt I'd be up and going fine shortly after my surgery. I knew I was probably jumping the gun a little when I went to Dad's the day after, but I figured that by this week I'd be fairly normal. Nope. Yesterday, I exercised with a 20 minute walking tape, went grocery shopping, then went to a movie with Mom. By the time I made it home, I was in a lot of pain. Enough pain to make me consider taking pain medicine again. I didn't, of course. Bleh! I couldn't believe that such minimal activity could wipe me out this far removed from my surgery. How annoying!
5. Surgery tape. It's a pain. I have 5 incisions, 4 pretty small and 1 big (maybe an inch and a half long), and all 5 were covered with surgery tape. I was told to let the tape come off on its own, no helping it along, and that it should be off within a week to 10 days. Two of the small incisions lost their tape by New Years. The third was so close that I helped it along yesterday. The fourth small incision is really, really close but there are a couple stubborn spots. The big incision's tape sticks like it was put on yesterday. It's going to take a month for it to come off! It wouldn't bug me except the edges start collecting lint and turn dark, and I'm OCD enough that I can't stand less-than-pristine tape. Oh, and the tape smells funny and has since they put it on (not just because it's almost two weeks old).
Have I complained enough yet? Here's a positive one:
6. Eating less. Yes, yes, I had a band put around the top part of my stomach, but it hasn't been filled yet. My surgeon said that some people don't feel any sort of restriction with it on at this point, while others feel just a little restriction. I'm having a hard time wanting to eat anything more than about 1/4 cup of food. I know I need to work myself up to a 1/2 cup so my body is getting more nutrients, but it's hard. I'm enjoying solid food, but after a few bites, I'm ready to stop. I went to a New Years party with lots of yummy-looking food and wasn't even tempted! Amazing.
Weight Lost: 32 lbs, as of Thursday morning.
* I really wrote this post just so I could use this line. Teehee.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thereafter 'til Now
For earlier days, scroll down to previous posts. There's one about the day before, the day of, the day after, and Christmas day.
After Christmas Day, things started to improve. The day after Christmas is my brother Corey's birthday, the next day is his daughter Brooke's birthday, and two days later is his wife Audree's birthday. It's a lot of celebrating even when I'm feeling 100%. It was kind of nice to have the excuse of my surgery to take it easy when I needed to, though.
I didn't go to Dad's house on the 26th. I figured they'd just be eating and playing games. I still couldn't eat much, so why do that to myself? I called Dad and explained and of course he totally understood and told me to take it easy. Of course, everyone came to Mom's house for a few hours, so I couldn't totally take it easy 'til they headed to Dad's. Then I relaxed on the couch and "watched tv". Really, I slept. A lot. I couldn't believe how groggy I was! The longest consecutive amount of time I was awake was a little less than an hour. Shiree and Wendy came by at some point but I was dead to the world so they just dropped off a gift - a yummy smelling candle - and said they'd try again the next day. Everyone got back from Dad's that evening and had leftovers at Mom's. I started to hurt, so I went back to Mom's bed. Sarah came by, bringing a poinsettia, and we chatted for a little bit. I have such good friends. I played a game with the family after Sarah left, but couldn't stay awake for long, so I went to bed right after they left. Mom had invited Porter and Brooke over for a sleep-over, so I didn't get to sleep in long. They love to wake me up.
The 27th, I woke up feeling much better. I wasn't as sleepy and not in quite as much pain. It was at this point that I started going longer in between pain medicine. I could barely stand to put the cup to my lips - it was so nasty. I also showered for the first time, Mom's new hand-held shower head making it easy to avoid getting too much water on my healing wounds. I also felt up to putting on makeup and doing my hair myself. I started getting dizzy towards the end but was able to finish. I finally had real solid food - a small, thin slice of ham. It was so yummy! I couldn't finish the slice, but that was okay, it was just nice to have something solid in my stomach finally. Brooke's party was at 2pm at their house, so Mom and I headed out. Kevin got to have Scott again and had picked him up while Mom had taken the kids home around 11. They were playing when Mom and I arrived and it was fun to see how well they all get along. That Scott is so lively and cute. I wish we got to see him more often. We stayed at Corey's house 'til almost 7, leaving only because I was hurting. I refused to take medicine when we got home, though, and was able to relieve the pain by resting on Mom's bed for awhile. Corey's family came to Mom's shortly after we had arrived. They played games while I chatted with Shiree and Wendy, who had come back to visit. I got out of bed to walk them to the door and because I hadn't walked enough that day and my shoulder hurt like heck. I played with the kids a bit then they left and I went to bed.
I had horrible nightmares that night. The only one I remember now caused me to wake up in the middle of the night panicked because Emily Post was trying to take over the world. I couldn't breath I was so worried. The panic wouldn't dispel, so I turned on the bedside lamp and the tv to distract me. Eventually I fell asleep again, only to wake up more times, scared. I wondered if I was having bad dreams because I was in quite a bit of pain, so I broke down and took some pain med. I slept fine the rest of the night.
Sunday the 28th was a quiet day. No one's birthday. Kevin played games at Corey's house 'til noon then headed for home, so Mom and I had the house to ourselves. We enjoyed it most of the day, but by evening we were getting bored. We tried watching a movie but neither of us could get into it. We played a game her sister had given her and really enjoyed it. Then we read and watched tv. It was really relaxing and I'm sure the rest did my body good. I didn't want to, but in hopes of avoiding nightmares, I took some pain medicine before going to bed. It worked and I slept soundly more or less - changing positions still woke me up a few times but I was able to go back to sleep quickly.
Audree's birthday was the 29th. It was also the day I had set for me to move home. My mom was an excellent nurse the whole time I stayed with her. When I couldn't do things for myself, she was there to do it for me. However, she also knew when I wanted to start doing things myself and let me, even pushed me a little. I really appreciate how well she took care of me. It was time to go home, though. I love my home so much and was really missing it. She and I loaded up her car with most of my stuff and then she carried it up my stairs. I helped as much as she'd let me, which wasn't a lot, but I carried as much as she'd give me. She made sure I was settled, then she headed home. It was nice to sit in my home and relax. I overdid myself, of course, by putting away my Christmas decoration s and sweeping off my front porch which was littered with snow salt. So, I watched tv the rest of the afternoon 'til Mom picked me up for Audree's birthday party. Her birthday marks the last day of the week-long party after party that is Christmastime. We didn't stay long because Audree had siblings there that she doesn't see very much and we wanted to give her time to focus on them. Corey and Jason had put together my tv stand, so when Mom and I left, they brought it to my condo after a pit stop at Mom's to pick up my bar stools. Jason stayed after Corey left and helped Mom and me rearrange my living room to fit my new stand. I really like the result. Slowly, my home is becoming more like what I envision it becoming. The rest of the night I had to myself. It was lovely. I opted to not take any pain medicine and didn't regret my decision that night - no nightmares. I haven't taken any since Sunday and don't plan on taking it ever again. Thank Heavens!
Yesterday was perfect. I was feeling the best I had since my surgery. There's still pain, but not enough to warrant pain med. It just reminds me to eat carefully, to move carefully, and to keep walking around. The gas and resulting shoulder pain are gone finally. I decided it was time to write about the experience, so I spent most of the day writing posts. It kept me so preoccupied that I didn't eat. I had about 1/3 of a Yoplait yougurt for breakfast then didn't think about eating again until 3pm. I finished the final 1/3 (I ate the first 1/3 the night before for dinner), then had a little cottage cheese. Mom brought over leftover ham, clam chowder, and chicken. I had about 1/5 of the chicken breast for dinner - about 6pm or so - and was full! I didn't eat again until just before 9 when I treated myself to a sugar-free popsicle. It was a really nice day. I didn't go anywhere. I wrote a lot, read a little, watched a little tv, and I put things away and decorated a bit. I also talked a lot on the phone. All in all, definitely the best I'd felt for a week.
Today, I've set a few goals for myself. I'm going to finish blogging, then put in a walking cd. I need to start exercising a little every day now that I'm feeling better. Mom has offered to pay for a few months of a gym membership. After some thought, I've decided to take her up on her offer. I love my stationary bike, but I need to strength train, too. I'm going to put all my dvds into the tv stand cupboards, sweep off my stairs - darn snow salt! - and finish putting away my stuff from the stay at Mom's. I have no New Year's Eve plans. It's not a big deal unless you have someone to kiss at midnight, so I'm not expecting to do much. Maybe Mom will come over and watch a movie. Maybe I'll just read. Who knows. I feel really good. A cold might be coming on, but I think resting will thwart its advance. Only one wound still hurts with any force but even it is feeling better. The tape covering my wounds is finally starting to come off, so my stomach is beginning to look more normal. Woohoo! Basically, I'm set to enjoy all these days off, alone in my lovely, beloved home. Aaahhh. Does it get any better than this?
Oh, and I've lost over 30 pounds. :)
Happy New Year!
After Christmas Day, things started to improve. The day after Christmas is my brother Corey's birthday, the next day is his daughter Brooke's birthday, and two days later is his wife Audree's birthday. It's a lot of celebrating even when I'm feeling 100%. It was kind of nice to have the excuse of my surgery to take it easy when I needed to, though.
I didn't go to Dad's house on the 26th. I figured they'd just be eating and playing games. I still couldn't eat much, so why do that to myself? I called Dad and explained and of course he totally understood and told me to take it easy. Of course, everyone came to Mom's house for a few hours, so I couldn't totally take it easy 'til they headed to Dad's. Then I relaxed on the couch and "watched tv". Really, I slept. A lot. I couldn't believe how groggy I was! The longest consecutive amount of time I was awake was a little less than an hour. Shiree and Wendy came by at some point but I was dead to the world so they just dropped off a gift - a yummy smelling candle - and said they'd try again the next day. Everyone got back from Dad's that evening and had leftovers at Mom's. I started to hurt, so I went back to Mom's bed. Sarah came by, bringing a poinsettia, and we chatted for a little bit. I have such good friends. I played a game with the family after Sarah left, but couldn't stay awake for long, so I went to bed right after they left. Mom had invited Porter and Brooke over for a sleep-over, so I didn't get to sleep in long. They love to wake me up.
The 27th, I woke up feeling much better. I wasn't as sleepy and not in quite as much pain. It was at this point that I started going longer in between pain medicine. I could barely stand to put the cup to my lips - it was so nasty. I also showered for the first time, Mom's new hand-held shower head making it easy to avoid getting too much water on my healing wounds. I also felt up to putting on makeup and doing my hair myself. I started getting dizzy towards the end but was able to finish. I finally had real solid food - a small, thin slice of ham. It was so yummy! I couldn't finish the slice, but that was okay, it was just nice to have something solid in my stomach finally. Brooke's party was at 2pm at their house, so Mom and I headed out. Kevin got to have Scott again and had picked him up while Mom had taken the kids home around 11. They were playing when Mom and I arrived and it was fun to see how well they all get along. That Scott is so lively and cute. I wish we got to see him more often. We stayed at Corey's house 'til almost 7, leaving only because I was hurting. I refused to take medicine when we got home, though, and was able to relieve the pain by resting on Mom's bed for awhile. Corey's family came to Mom's shortly after we had arrived. They played games while I chatted with Shiree and Wendy, who had come back to visit. I got out of bed to walk them to the door and because I hadn't walked enough that day and my shoulder hurt like heck. I played with the kids a bit then they left and I went to bed.
I had horrible nightmares that night. The only one I remember now caused me to wake up in the middle of the night panicked because Emily Post was trying to take over the world. I couldn't breath I was so worried. The panic wouldn't dispel, so I turned on the bedside lamp and the tv to distract me. Eventually I fell asleep again, only to wake up more times, scared. I wondered if I was having bad dreams because I was in quite a bit of pain, so I broke down and took some pain med. I slept fine the rest of the night.
Sunday the 28th was a quiet day. No one's birthday. Kevin played games at Corey's house 'til noon then headed for home, so Mom and I had the house to ourselves. We enjoyed it most of the day, but by evening we were getting bored. We tried watching a movie but neither of us could get into it. We played a game her sister had given her and really enjoyed it. Then we read and watched tv. It was really relaxing and I'm sure the rest did my body good. I didn't want to, but in hopes of avoiding nightmares, I took some pain medicine before going to bed. It worked and I slept soundly more or less - changing positions still woke me up a few times but I was able to go back to sleep quickly.
Audree's birthday was the 29th. It was also the day I had set for me to move home. My mom was an excellent nurse the whole time I stayed with her. When I couldn't do things for myself, she was there to do it for me. However, she also knew when I wanted to start doing things myself and let me, even pushed me a little. I really appreciate how well she took care of me. It was time to go home, though. I love my home so much and was really missing it. She and I loaded up her car with most of my stuff and then she carried it up my stairs. I helped as much as she'd let me, which wasn't a lot, but I carried as much as she'd give me. She made sure I was settled, then she headed home. It was nice to sit in my home and relax. I overdid myself, of course, by putting away my Christmas decoration s and sweeping off my front porch which was littered with snow salt. So, I watched tv the rest of the afternoon 'til Mom picked me up for Audree's birthday party. Her birthday marks the last day of the week-long party after party that is Christmastime. We didn't stay long because Audree had siblings there that she doesn't see very much and we wanted to give her time to focus on them. Corey and Jason had put together my tv stand, so when Mom and I left, they brought it to my condo after a pit stop at Mom's to pick up my bar stools. Jason stayed after Corey left and helped Mom and me rearrange my living room to fit my new stand. I really like the result. Slowly, my home is becoming more like what I envision it becoming. The rest of the night I had to myself. It was lovely. I opted to not take any pain medicine and didn't regret my decision that night - no nightmares. I haven't taken any since Sunday and don't plan on taking it ever again. Thank Heavens!
Yesterday was perfect. I was feeling the best I had since my surgery. There's still pain, but not enough to warrant pain med. It just reminds me to eat carefully, to move carefully, and to keep walking around. The gas and resulting shoulder pain are gone finally. I decided it was time to write about the experience, so I spent most of the day writing posts. It kept me so preoccupied that I didn't eat. I had about 1/3 of a Yoplait yougurt for breakfast then didn't think about eating again until 3pm. I finished the final 1/3 (I ate the first 1/3 the night before for dinner), then had a little cottage cheese. Mom brought over leftover ham, clam chowder, and chicken. I had about 1/5 of the chicken breast for dinner - about 6pm or so - and was full! I didn't eat again until just before 9 when I treated myself to a sugar-free popsicle. It was a really nice day. I didn't go anywhere. I wrote a lot, read a little, watched a little tv, and I put things away and decorated a bit. I also talked a lot on the phone. All in all, definitely the best I'd felt for a week.
Today, I've set a few goals for myself. I'm going to finish blogging, then put in a walking cd. I need to start exercising a little every day now that I'm feeling better. Mom has offered to pay for a few months of a gym membership. After some thought, I've decided to take her up on her offer. I love my stationary bike, but I need to strength train, too. I'm going to put all my dvds into the tv stand cupboards, sweep off my stairs - darn snow salt! - and finish putting away my stuff from the stay at Mom's. I have no New Year's Eve plans. It's not a big deal unless you have someone to kiss at midnight, so I'm not expecting to do much. Maybe Mom will come over and watch a movie. Maybe I'll just read. Who knows. I feel really good. A cold might be coming on, but I think resting will thwart its advance. Only one wound still hurts with any force but even it is feeling better. The tape covering my wounds is finally starting to come off, so my stomach is beginning to look more normal. Woohoo! Basically, I'm set to enjoy all these days off, alone in my lovely, beloved home. Aaahhh. Does it get any better than this?
Oh, and I've lost over 30 pounds. :)
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The Day Before
The surgery is now a week behind me and I finally feel up to writing about the experience. However, it could be lengthy (I write like I talk), so I'm going to break it down into (hopefully) short segments.
The day before going on vacation is always hectic and full of trouble-shooting; however, since I wasn't going on vacation exactly, I had hoped for a peaceful last day at work last Monday. Twasn't to be.
I had a huge to-do list before leaving the office for practically two weeks; pay bills, payroll and paychecks, phone calls, errands, etc. I had settled in to work long and hard when Dixie Regional Hospital called me to verify my information. At the end of the call, the lady mentioned that they hadn't received my blood work yet and asked when I was having it done. What??? I'd never been told I needed blood work done! I ended up having to leave, at 10:30am, to run to the local hospital to wait for an hour before giving a lab tech two vials of my blood. To add to my stress, the Dixie Hospital lady had said they also needed a urine analysis, but the request she faxed to my hospital didn't have the UA marked. I told the lab tech I was told they'd need the UA, but she refused to do it since it wasn't marked on the form. I worried about this all day. Not enough to do anything about it, though, I figured when the woman got my blood work and not the urine analysis, she'd call me and I'd tell her I wasn't leaving work again and it was her fault for not marking it. I felt belligerent, so I'm glad she never called. And no, I never ended up having a UA. Of course.
I hurried back to the office and tried to get back into work. I received another phone call from the hospital around 1pm informing me that my surgery was scheduled for Tuesday at 3pm. I was stunned because I had been told I'd most likely be the first surgery since I was the first one to book the surgery AND because I was the only one travelling. I told the nurse that 3pm was unacceptable and they'd need to change it. I explained that I was travelling from the north, the weather was suppose to be bad and the roads icy, and by the time I was released from the hospital it'd be dark and I didn't want to drive home in bad weather and darkness. Plus, I'd been told to expect early morning so had already reserved a hotel room for Monday night so Mom and I wouldn't have to drive south mega early Tuesday morning. I was transferred several times and no one "had the authority" to change the schedule. Frustrated, I called my surgeon's office and spoke to the coordinator. She couldn't believe I'd been scheduled so late; she'd speak to the surgeon and get back to me with an earlier time. While I waited for her call, the hospital called telling me someone had cancelled and would I like my surgery to be at 12:30 instead of 3? I asked if they'd heard from my surgeon, explaining I had called his office, she said no. I said I'd take the 12:30 for now but was hoping for something earlier. A couple hours later, my surgeon's office called and said my surgery could be at 10am if I'd like that time. I took it. The hospital called a short time later to confirm the time change. Whew! I hate being the squeeky wheel, but I really wanted my way. Does that make me a brat? Honestly, I don't care if it does, I'm pleased with how it turned out. I should mention, though, that, having learned my lesson here, at no time did I get upset with the people to whom I spoke. I stayed pleasant but firm. I used honey, so I was never left with a bitter taste in my mouth. Yeah for me!
It snowed practically all day Monday. I worried about driving south in the dark with the roads slick, especially through a particular pass that had been closed numerous time in the recent weeks due to the weather. So, I decided to leave work a little early (wishing I had packed Sunday night like I knew I should but didn't want to at the time). Then Dad called and offered to give me a priesthood blessing before I headed south. I was thrilled with the offer, partly because it showed that Dad cares and because there was a long time when he couldn't give me one. However, it was another thing to fit into an already crammed day. At this point, my boss came in to the office and noted my stress. He has a way of getting me to tell him everything, and I broke down in his office. That man! He was really sweet and I actually felt a lot better after talking to him. He told me to get out of there right then, but I still had work to do, so I hurried to finish it and left 40 minutes later than I had originally planned. I rushed to Dad's house, wondering how in heck I was going to feel the Spirit when I was felling so hectic and worried. I chatted with Dad, Paula, and Macey for a little bit, calming down a little. As soon as Dad started the blessing, I was filled with peace and calm, it was amazing. And wonderful. I appreciate the blessing I received from my home teacher, but getting a blessing from my dad was so special. He knows me, loves me, and I believe that as my parent, he receives inspiration that no one else could get. He touched on more than my surgery, aspects of my life that had nothing to do with the next day's event. It was so sweet, so special. I renewed the pledge to myself and unborn children that I would only marry someone who was worthy to offer these blessings to my family.
Worried about the upcoming drive, Dad sent me on my way. I "rushed" home (it was snowing really hard), packed, then called Mom to say I was ready to go. Though I had left work late, we got on the road 20 minutes before we thought we would. A miracle. Another miracle - the roads cleared enough that the pass I worried about was not a problem. It was still snowing, but we made it to our hotel without a hitch.
The rest of the evening, Mom and I rested in our room. It was kind of nice to be in a hotel room with someone else - I've spent so much time alone in hotel rooms this year! I read up on pre- and post-surgery expectation, rules, etc. and found something interesting. The ten days I was on SlimFast, I drank 3 a day, supplemented by the occasional popsicle or glass of apple juice - about 600 calories a day. Well, I discovered that I should've been drinking SIX SlimFasts a day and averaging 1200 calories a day! Oops! No wonder I lost about 20 lbs in ten days! Teehee. Oh well, I'm kind of glad I didn't discover this until it was too late. I despise SlimFast and I'm not sure I could've had more than 3 a day. Plus, it took me about 2 hours to finish one, so I would've been sipping on a SlimFast from sun up to sun down. Yuck!
I went to bed around 11pm, drinking as much water as I could before the midnight cutoff - absolutely no liquid or food after that time! I was surprisingly calm and not worried about the surgery at all. I wasn't excited for it, but I wasn't stressed. I felt ready. The time had come and I was prepared.
And so ended the day before.
The day before going on vacation is always hectic and full of trouble-shooting; however, since I wasn't going on vacation exactly, I had hoped for a peaceful last day at work last Monday. Twasn't to be.
I had a huge to-do list before leaving the office for practically two weeks; pay bills, payroll and paychecks, phone calls, errands, etc. I had settled in to work long and hard when Dixie Regional Hospital called me to verify my information. At the end of the call, the lady mentioned that they hadn't received my blood work yet and asked when I was having it done. What??? I'd never been told I needed blood work done! I ended up having to leave, at 10:30am, to run to the local hospital to wait for an hour before giving a lab tech two vials of my blood. To add to my stress, the Dixie Hospital lady had said they also needed a urine analysis, but the request she faxed to my hospital didn't have the UA marked. I told the lab tech I was told they'd need the UA, but she refused to do it since it wasn't marked on the form. I worried about this all day. Not enough to do anything about it, though, I figured when the woman got my blood work and not the urine analysis, she'd call me and I'd tell her I wasn't leaving work again and it was her fault for not marking it. I felt belligerent, so I'm glad she never called. And no, I never ended up having a UA. Of course.
I hurried back to the office and tried to get back into work. I received another phone call from the hospital around 1pm informing me that my surgery was scheduled for Tuesday at 3pm. I was stunned because I had been told I'd most likely be the first surgery since I was the first one to book the surgery AND because I was the only one travelling. I told the nurse that 3pm was unacceptable and they'd need to change it. I explained that I was travelling from the north, the weather was suppose to be bad and the roads icy, and by the time I was released from the hospital it'd be dark and I didn't want to drive home in bad weather and darkness. Plus, I'd been told to expect early morning so had already reserved a hotel room for Monday night so Mom and I wouldn't have to drive south mega early Tuesday morning. I was transferred several times and no one "had the authority" to change the schedule. Frustrated, I called my surgeon's office and spoke to the coordinator. She couldn't believe I'd been scheduled so late; she'd speak to the surgeon and get back to me with an earlier time. While I waited for her call, the hospital called telling me someone had cancelled and would I like my surgery to be at 12:30 instead of 3? I asked if they'd heard from my surgeon, explaining I had called his office, she said no. I said I'd take the 12:30 for now but was hoping for something earlier. A couple hours later, my surgeon's office called and said my surgery could be at 10am if I'd like that time. I took it. The hospital called a short time later to confirm the time change. Whew! I hate being the squeeky wheel, but I really wanted my way. Does that make me a brat? Honestly, I don't care if it does, I'm pleased with how it turned out. I should mention, though, that, having learned my lesson here, at no time did I get upset with the people to whom I spoke. I stayed pleasant but firm. I used honey, so I was never left with a bitter taste in my mouth. Yeah for me!
It snowed practically all day Monday. I worried about driving south in the dark with the roads slick, especially through a particular pass that had been closed numerous time in the recent weeks due to the weather. So, I decided to leave work a little early (wishing I had packed Sunday night like I knew I should but didn't want to at the time). Then Dad called and offered to give me a priesthood blessing before I headed south. I was thrilled with the offer, partly because it showed that Dad cares and because there was a long time when he couldn't give me one. However, it was another thing to fit into an already crammed day. At this point, my boss came in to the office and noted my stress. He has a way of getting me to tell him everything, and I broke down in his office. That man! He was really sweet and I actually felt a lot better after talking to him. He told me to get out of there right then, but I still had work to do, so I hurried to finish it and left 40 minutes later than I had originally planned. I rushed to Dad's house, wondering how in heck I was going to feel the Spirit when I was felling so hectic and worried. I chatted with Dad, Paula, and Macey for a little bit, calming down a little. As soon as Dad started the blessing, I was filled with peace and calm, it was amazing. And wonderful. I appreciate the blessing I received from my home teacher, but getting a blessing from my dad was so special. He knows me, loves me, and I believe that as my parent, he receives inspiration that no one else could get. He touched on more than my surgery, aspects of my life that had nothing to do with the next day's event. It was so sweet, so special. I renewed the pledge to myself and unborn children that I would only marry someone who was worthy to offer these blessings to my family.
Worried about the upcoming drive, Dad sent me on my way. I "rushed" home (it was snowing really hard), packed, then called Mom to say I was ready to go. Though I had left work late, we got on the road 20 minutes before we thought we would. A miracle. Another miracle - the roads cleared enough that the pass I worried about was not a problem. It was still snowing, but we made it to our hotel without a hitch.
The rest of the evening, Mom and I rested in our room. It was kind of nice to be in a hotel room with someone else - I've spent so much time alone in hotel rooms this year! I read up on pre- and post-surgery expectation, rules, etc. and found something interesting. The ten days I was on SlimFast, I drank 3 a day, supplemented by the occasional popsicle or glass of apple juice - about 600 calories a day. Well, I discovered that I should've been drinking SIX SlimFasts a day and averaging 1200 calories a day! Oops! No wonder I lost about 20 lbs in ten days! Teehee. Oh well, I'm kind of glad I didn't discover this until it was too late. I despise SlimFast and I'm not sure I could've had more than 3 a day. Plus, it took me about 2 hours to finish one, so I would've been sipping on a SlimFast from sun up to sun down. Yuck!
I went to bed around 11pm, drinking as much water as I could before the midnight cutoff - absolutely no liquid or food after that time! I was surprisingly calm and not worried about the surgery at all. I wasn't excited for it, but I wasn't stressed. I felt ready. The time had come and I was prepared.
And so ended the day before.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Holy Cow!
I'm so hungry I could eat a holy cow!
Last night, my brother asked me if I'd do this "fast" if it weren't in preparation for surgery. I said "NO!" before he finished the question. It's not just the ever-present hunger that makes this so unpleasant. Here are a few other side-effects I've noticed:
1. Fatigue. I'm so tired. I have no energy whatsoever. I'm a car that has been running on fumes for the past 5 days. It's a little ironic, actually, because all day I dream of being able to go to bed, snuggle up in my blankets, and sleep. Instead, this diet has given me...
2. Sleep Deprivation. I'd been suffering from insomnia for a few weeks before I went on this diet, but it was waning. I had started getting some really good nights of sleep. Now, I'm on a sugar high and as soon as I lay down, my body starts fidgeting. It can't get comfortable and doesn't want to stay still to save its life. My legs are the worse.
3. Headaches. Speaking of a sugar high, I have a constant dull headache. I don't normally get headaches, and this isn't one caused by eye fatigue, stress, or anything else. Don't ask me how, I know I'm not a trained medical professional, but I know it's related to poor nutrition. It just feels the way I feel when I'm not getting enough healthy food. And, I'm not. Not even close. Everything, except the 64 oz of water I drink everyday and the French onion soup broth I had last night at my mom's birthday dinner, contains sugar and lots of it. The SlimFast has 17 grams of sugar. In between meals I suck on a Werther's Original. I add apple juice and a popsicle at dinner. Sugar, sugar, sugar.
4. Appearance. I'm sure part of this is due to the lack of sleep, but I look horrible! I took a picture of myself today with my cell phone and I looked 80-years old and on my death bed. Dark bags and wrinkles under my eyes, listless hair, pallid skin, dull eyes. Oh, and a big zit on my cheek, but I'll give the diet a break and not blame it for my acne.
5. Many, many trips to the bathroom. Sorry, I'm just keeping it real (as Pioneer Woman says). An all-liquid diet does this to you. This is definitely the cause of my...
6. Weight loss. The big positive about this ordeal: I've lost 13-16 pounds (depending on from which doctor's scales I measure) since Friday morning. That includes my office party at a steakhouse Friday night and pizza, chicken, mashed potatoes, and cheesecake on Saturday! Can you believe it?? I couldn't last night when I stood on my mom's scales and it showed my weight. I just hope this extreme diet is accomplishing its task of lowering the fatty content in my liver, making my surgery safer.
I know that this post sounds pretty negative, but I'm actually doing okay. I mean, it's killing me slowly, but I'm okay. I really thought I'd be irritable and mean, but I think I'm too tired to get mad. And, I know I'm doing this for a reason, that it isn't for forever, and it could save me money (leaner liver = safer surgery = less complications = smaller hospital bill). I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking to the regulations as well as I have AND for not becoming intolerable to be around in the process.
Thank heavens this diet didn't coincide with PMS - that could have been scary! Again, just keeping it real. :)
Last night, my brother asked me if I'd do this "fast" if it weren't in preparation for surgery. I said "NO!" before he finished the question. It's not just the ever-present hunger that makes this so unpleasant. Here are a few other side-effects I've noticed:
1. Fatigue. I'm so tired. I have no energy whatsoever. I'm a car that has been running on fumes for the past 5 days. It's a little ironic, actually, because all day I dream of being able to go to bed, snuggle up in my blankets, and sleep. Instead, this diet has given me...
2. Sleep Deprivation. I'd been suffering from insomnia for a few weeks before I went on this diet, but it was waning. I had started getting some really good nights of sleep. Now, I'm on a sugar high and as soon as I lay down, my body starts fidgeting. It can't get comfortable and doesn't want to stay still to save its life. My legs are the worse.
3. Headaches. Speaking of a sugar high, I have a constant dull headache. I don't normally get headaches, and this isn't one caused by eye fatigue, stress, or anything else. Don't ask me how, I know I'm not a trained medical professional, but I know it's related to poor nutrition. It just feels the way I feel when I'm not getting enough healthy food. And, I'm not. Not even close. Everything, except the 64 oz of water I drink everyday and the French onion soup broth I had last night at my mom's birthday dinner, contains sugar and lots of it. The SlimFast has 17 grams of sugar. In between meals I suck on a Werther's Original. I add apple juice and a popsicle at dinner. Sugar, sugar, sugar.
4. Appearance. I'm sure part of this is due to the lack of sleep, but I look horrible! I took a picture of myself today with my cell phone and I looked 80-years old and on my death bed. Dark bags and wrinkles under my eyes, listless hair, pallid skin, dull eyes. Oh, and a big zit on my cheek, but I'll give the diet a break and not blame it for my acne.
5. Many, many trips to the bathroom. Sorry, I'm just keeping it real (as Pioneer Woman says). An all-liquid diet does this to you. This is definitely the cause of my...
6. Weight loss. The big positive about this ordeal: I've lost 13-16 pounds (depending on from which doctor's scales I measure) since Friday morning. That includes my office party at a steakhouse Friday night and pizza, chicken, mashed potatoes, and cheesecake on Saturday! Can you believe it?? I couldn't last night when I stood on my mom's scales and it showed my weight. I just hope this extreme diet is accomplishing its task of lowering the fatty content in my liver, making my surgery safer.
I know that this post sounds pretty negative, but I'm actually doing okay. I mean, it's killing me slowly, but I'm okay. I really thought I'd be irritable and mean, but I think I'm too tired to get mad. And, I know I'm doing this for a reason, that it isn't for forever, and it could save me money (leaner liver = safer surgery = less complications = smaller hospital bill). I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking to the regulations as well as I have AND for not becoming intolerable to be around in the process.
Thank heavens this diet didn't coincide with PMS - that could have been scary! Again, just keeping it real. :)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
One Week Away
Hopefully this time next week, my surgery will be a fait accompli, and I'll be sleeping in my brother's uber-comfy bed, or at least dozing in front of the living room TV. It hardly seems possible that it's been three months since I started looking into having Lap Band and almost two since I decided to go through with it. Time flies.
Except this week. It's going slower than a snail with a broken leg*.
I'm hungry. I know I should try not to be hungry, but I haven't figured out how to convince my body that downing three cans of SlimFast, a glass of apple juice, and gallons of water is sufficient for its survival. Oh wait...it's not. Huh. I try to supplement this meager diet with the occasional hard candy (Werther's Originals) or piece of gum. Last night, I even treated myself to a Lemonade popsicle! I'm not sure these are exactly "by the rules" but figure that they have to be better than eating solid food. (You have no idea how appetizing the unadorned tortilla residing in my work refrigerator seems at this moment!)
At work, not eating really isn't too bad (despite the scrumptious-looking tortilla taunting me from the refridgerator!). I stay busy enough to not think too much about eating, even when my boss and coworker are warming up their lunches in the kitchen/my office. I sip on my can of SlimFast for about an hour, after which time I proceed to sipping on water and sucking on candy or chewing gum. Last night wasn't too bad, either. My roommates are really sympathetic and ate before I got home. Then they kept me occupied by playing games with me. I went to bed early, so the night was over before I knew it.
Sometimes I think, This isn't too bad, and at other times I can't fathom how I'm going to make it 'til next Tuesday. I'm doing some heavy praying and trying to remember to take it one day at a time.
Honestly, after 10 days of SlimFast and a week of clear liquids/jello, a half-cup of a food is going to seem like an absolute feast!
I'm really looking forward to that half-cup.
'Til then, I'll enjoy not having to decide what to eat, visiting the bathroom every couple hours, and losing 5 pounds in two days (true story).
There's always a silver lining, right? And being skinnier and healthier will be worth it, right?
Right???
*I know snails don't have legs - I was being funny. And witty. And a little bit charming. :)
Except this week. It's going slower than a snail with a broken leg*.
I'm hungry. I know I should try not to be hungry, but I haven't figured out how to convince my body that downing three cans of SlimFast, a glass of apple juice, and gallons of water is sufficient for its survival. Oh wait...it's not. Huh. I try to supplement this meager diet with the occasional hard candy (Werther's Originals) or piece of gum. Last night, I even treated myself to a Lemonade popsicle! I'm not sure these are exactly "by the rules" but figure that they have to be better than eating solid food. (You have no idea how appetizing the unadorned tortilla residing in my work refrigerator seems at this moment!)
At work, not eating really isn't too bad (despite the scrumptious-looking tortilla taunting me from the refridgerator!). I stay busy enough to not think too much about eating, even when my boss and coworker are warming up their lunches in the kitchen/my office. I sip on my can of SlimFast for about an hour, after which time I proceed to sipping on water and sucking on candy or chewing gum. Last night wasn't too bad, either. My roommates are really sympathetic and ate before I got home. Then they kept me occupied by playing games with me. I went to bed early, so the night was over before I knew it.
Sometimes I think, This isn't too bad, and at other times I can't fathom how I'm going to make it 'til next Tuesday. I'm doing some heavy praying and trying to remember to take it one day at a time.
Honestly, after 10 days of SlimFast and a week of clear liquids/jello, a half-cup of a food is going to seem like an absolute feast!
I'm really looking forward to that half-cup.
'Til then, I'll enjoy not having to decide what to eat, visiting the bathroom every couple hours, and losing 5 pounds in two days (true story).
There's always a silver lining, right? And being skinnier and healthier will be worth it, right?
Right???
*I know snails don't have legs - I was being funny. And witty. And a little bit charming. :)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Two Weeks...
...and counting 'til the Big Day! (No, not Christmas, though that is close behind.)
Yesterday, I met my surgeon for the first time. We had a nice chat and he explained a few things and answered a couple of my questions. One thing he cleared up was the post-surgery diet. Instead of three weeks on liquids, it's only going to be 1 week! Yippee! He said that they say three weeks on the website and in the seminars to simplify matters; it's the diet for the gastric bypass and sleeve patients. I'll get to start adding small portions of solid proteins into my diet about a week after the surgery because I'm having Lap Band. Yet another reason I'm glad I chose that as my option.
I've lost my appetite. I'm not sure if it's because of the events of recent days (see here to learn about my first ever vehicular - I love that word - accident), how busy I am lately, the fact that I have no food in my home except popsicles, Ritz crackers, and a box of couscous, or that I'm nervous about the upcoming changes in my eating lifestyle. Or, most likely, it's a melange of all of them. I believe in melanges. (Can someone please tell me how to get blogger to do accents??)
This is my last week of eating food "normally" - at least, the last week for a very, very long time. You'd think I'd be living it up, eating everything I love and maybe won't partake of for who-knows-how-long. Even last week, in Denver, I ordered things that I'll be able to eat - in much smaller portions - after the surgery (except the bacon cheese burger). I even only ate half the meal each time (except the burger, but I did leave a lot of fries on the plate). I'm not worried about missing the foods I love. I'm more worried about not being prepared for this lifestyle change. I'm ready to change and want to get my foot in the door, so to speak.
I'm scared of failing. The last few years I was in school, I had this same fear, so I studied a lot. I made sure that when it came time to take a test I was prepared to be able to pass it with flying colors. I practiced presentations, looked over projects and papers with an eagle-eye for detail, and worked every homework problem religiously. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't always perfect, but that fear of not doing well drove me to do my best.
It's now driving me to get ready, especially emotionally, for life after Lap Band. I'm especially worried because I don't know what to expect, really. To continue the above analogy, it's kind of like having a professor for the first time and not knowing what his tests are going to be like, how well he'll prepare you for the tests, how generously he grades, etc. So, I'm doing my best to prepare for every eventuality I can think of without really knowing what it's going to be like for me.
I think I need more sleep. I'm sure I'd be able to deal with this better if I were sleeping. Sleep cures a lot of ills. Maybe then I'd relax just a tiny bit. Aaahhh. Relax.
Anyhoo, Thursday I get to travel down south yet again to have a pre-op class that will tell me in more detail everything that will go down before and after surgery, including diet and checking in and out of the hospital.
Just think, in two weeks at this time I'll have had the surgery and will be resting comfortably (hopefully) at my mom's. Wow.
Yesterday, I met my surgeon for the first time. We had a nice chat and he explained a few things and answered a couple of my questions. One thing he cleared up was the post-surgery diet. Instead of three weeks on liquids, it's only going to be 1 week! Yippee! He said that they say three weeks on the website and in the seminars to simplify matters; it's the diet for the gastric bypass and sleeve patients. I'll get to start adding small portions of solid proteins into my diet about a week after the surgery because I'm having Lap Band. Yet another reason I'm glad I chose that as my option.
I've lost my appetite. I'm not sure if it's because of the events of recent days (see here to learn about my first ever vehicular - I love that word - accident), how busy I am lately, the fact that I have no food in my home except popsicles, Ritz crackers, and a box of couscous, or that I'm nervous about the upcoming changes in my eating lifestyle. Or, most likely, it's a melange of all of them. I believe in melanges. (Can someone please tell me how to get blogger to do accents??)
This is my last week of eating food "normally" - at least, the last week for a very, very long time. You'd think I'd be living it up, eating everything I love and maybe won't partake of for who-knows-how-long. Even last week, in Denver, I ordered things that I'll be able to eat - in much smaller portions - after the surgery (except the bacon cheese burger). I even only ate half the meal each time (except the burger, but I did leave a lot of fries on the plate). I'm not worried about missing the foods I love. I'm more worried about not being prepared for this lifestyle change. I'm ready to change and want to get my foot in the door, so to speak.
I'm scared of failing. The last few years I was in school, I had this same fear, so I studied a lot. I made sure that when it came time to take a test I was prepared to be able to pass it with flying colors. I practiced presentations, looked over projects and papers with an eagle-eye for detail, and worked every homework problem religiously. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't always perfect, but that fear of not doing well drove me to do my best.
It's now driving me to get ready, especially emotionally, for life after Lap Band. I'm especially worried because I don't know what to expect, really. To continue the above analogy, it's kind of like having a professor for the first time and not knowing what his tests are going to be like, how well he'll prepare you for the tests, how generously he grades, etc. So, I'm doing my best to prepare for every eventuality I can think of without really knowing what it's going to be like for me.
I think I need more sleep. I'm sure I'd be able to deal with this better if I were sleeping. Sleep cures a lot of ills. Maybe then I'd relax just a tiny bit. Aaahhh. Relax.
Anyhoo, Thursday I get to travel down south yet again to have a pre-op class that will tell me in more detail everything that will go down before and after surgery, including diet and checking in and out of the hospital.
Just think, in two weeks at this time I'll have had the surgery and will be resting comfortably (hopefully) at my mom's. Wow.
Monday, December 1, 2008
10-Day Liquid Diet
I discovered the reason why I can only have low-calorie liquids the 10 days before my surgery. Tonight after work, I checked my surgeon's website for some answers to other questions I had and found the answer to this one.
Ten days on a low-calorie liquid diet (think Slim Fast) reduces the fatty content of the liver. The liver sits directly over the upper part of the stomach (around which the band is placed) and needs to be moved during the surgery. Turns out that a fatty liver is more fragile and can be hard to lift. It can also more easily fracture and bleed. Not good. Ten days of Slim Fast is a small price to pay for a safer surgery.
This helps a lot. I needed a good reason to not eat solid foods before the surgery, now I have one.
Ten days on a low-calorie liquid diet (think Slim Fast) reduces the fatty content of the liver. The liver sits directly over the upper part of the stomach (around which the band is placed) and needs to be moved during the surgery. Turns out that a fatty liver is more fragile and can be hard to lift. It can also more easily fracture and bleed. Not good. Ten days of Slim Fast is a small price to pay for a safer surgery.
This helps a lot. I needed a good reason to not eat solid foods before the surgery, now I have one.
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