I wonder if it will always be an internal struggle to attend my support group meetings. I look forward to it for a week, then the night of, I have to talk myself into going.
Monday night, it didn't help that I stayed late at work trying to fix a glitch with my phone - it wasn't receiving emails and I really like that it normally does. I finally got it working again around 6:30 and the support group started at 7:00. I had a little meat leftover from lunch, so I ate it, trying to decide what to do. A movie across the way tempted me. Going home and changing into my sweats tempted me. I finally decided on the movie and popped a Hershey's Kiss into my mouth (our FedEx driver gave a bag of Kisses to my coworker and me).
The Kiss changed my mind. I had rationalized eating it by saying that at least I was only eating one. Before my surgery I would have had more. I've been rationalizing a lot lately - especially Super Bowl Sunday when I ate more carbs in 5 hours than I had in over a month! I ate considerably less than I normally would have, but I definitely did not stick to my prescribed diet.
I changed directions and drove to the library instead of the theater. The whole time, I still had to convince myself to go. I know what I need to do to lose weight, I'd argue. Yes, but you're not doing it as well as you could. You need support, not just knowledge. This will keep you motivated. The angel on my shoulder won out. Thankfully.
The night's topic was self-talk, wouldn't ya know. The leader told us some of the things she says to herself and how she'd never let someone else get away with saying those things to her and that she certainly would never say them to anyone! I don't think I have a lot of negative self-talk, thankfully, but it does exist. Certain times are worse than others. Certain events bring it out - like my boss wanting to set me up on a blind date. I say to myself, I bet I know what he'll think when he sees me! or something along those lines.
We discussed ways to keep our internal conversations positive and to break the habit of negative self-talk. I came away with two things I'm going to do.
1. Love notes to myself. Okay, not really "love notes", but little sticky notes that have positive things about myself where I'll see them often. One lady puts sticky notes all over her mirror. I'm going to put some on the monitor of my exercise bike. I know it sounds corny, but it's worth a try.
2. Two things I did well today. Every night, before going to bed, I'm going to say out loud (to myself) two things that I am proud of myself for doing/being/etc. For example, Monday night, I said I was proud of myself for going to the meeting and for riding my bike for a record 35 minutes in one session! Woohoo!
The instructor said that she's going to start saying "Stop!" out loud every time she catches herself saying negative things to herself. I'm going to hold off on doing that - it's a little extreme for me. Maybe if my negative self-talk get worse I'll do it. That's good motivation to nip the bad self-talk in the bud early!
I was right, I didn't learn anything new about what I should be doing to lose weight, but I was also right in that it re-motivated me to keep doing the things I'm doing right and to recommit to doing other things better. It keeps me focused on my goal. I'm so independent, sometimes it's hard to need help, to admit that I can't do it by myself. I'm trying to learn that needing a support group doesn't make me weak or incapable. It's just another tool to help me.
Now, will someone please remind me of this next month when I'm trying to talk myself into going to the support group? Please!
8 comments:
Sure. When's the next meeting?
Thanks Cardine! The support groups are the first Monday of the month. The next one is March 2nd.
Cardine and I can corner you and make sure you're "motivated" to attend. Mafia-style motivation of course. :)
Missy, hopefully I won't need mafia-style motivation! :) Thanks, though, for being so supportive and for offering to help.
I have good friends.
People may look at me weird if I yelled "Stop" every time I thougth something bad about myself. I like thinking of two things you did right at the end of each day. You'd probably find lots more than two.
I was thinking I could try saying 2 good things I accomplished during the day, but then I realized that when I have done that it usually sounds so wimpy. "I dusted" or "I loaded the dishwasher" is a big thing for me on same days, but when I pat myself on the back and say them out loud I realize they're pretty puny.
I still think it's a good idea. It's pretty terrific that you road the bicycle for 35 min.
Framed, the weird looks is the main reason I opted to not say "Stop" when I think bad thoughts about myself. That and I think I'll forget to say it. Thinking of two things is easier. Sometimes. Last night it was hard. I was in a bad mood yesterday. :)
Book, um, sometimes my 2 things are totally wimpy! I figure that if it's something that I should do but don't want to and yet I do it anyway, it counts and isn't wimpy. Along those lines, if I dusted, I'd totally count it and be proud to do so because I never dust. So be proud that you dusted!!! :)
I notice that my self-talk sometimes includes the words, "I don't really need to eat this, but..." as the food goes into my mouth. Really. I even say it out loud to people with me at the time, like that'll help justify what I'm eating but shouldn't be.
So, maybe I need more help on self-listening.
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