Julie's Losing It

Notice

2010-10-26T15:54:00.002-06:00

In case you haven't noticed (if anyone is still interested in noticing), I haven't posted on this blog for a long time.

I decided that I have reached a spot in my weight loss that I don't need a separate blog on which to chronicle my success/failures/etc. So, I am consolidating the two blogs. I'm leaving this one open because I like to go back to it every now and then to see where I was and how far I've come. However, until further notice, this will be my last post on Julie's Losing It.

To keep up with me and what's happening, you can go to my blog here. I'm not going to lie, I don't update it as often as I could, but there will be updates...sometimes more often than others.

Thank you to everyone for their continued support as I've lost IT. I'm still technically 10-15 lbs away from my goal weight, but I feel great and am happy with my results. They are a dream come true that took a lot of work. Your kind words and positive attitudes have been very, very helpful!

THANK YOU!

Virtual Route Sadness

2010-06-18T09:02:00.003-06:00

Do you wonder where I am on my virtual trip to the Empire State Building?

Me, too.

Leaving my last job definitely set me back a bit. I used Google Earth on my work computer and couldn't figure out how to transfer the settings from it to my new laptop. So, I started over. I was almost current when Google Earth mysteriously disappeared from my computer, along with everything I had already done. I fortunately have my exercise log still; otherwise, I'd just give up on the idea, sadly. I tried to re-install Google Earth but ran into difficulties then ran out of time to work on it.

This is all just to explain why I haven't been posting my virtual progress the last few months. Never fear, I will get this figured out and will eventually post where I am. I'm still recording my exercise every month, so I have the important data.

I wonder how close I am to New York! I can't wait to find out!

Doctor Visit #???

2010-05-26T21:23:00.003-06:00

I'm so sorry I've been neglecting this blog! Life has been so crazy! It didn't help that I changed jobs and lost my Virtual Route to New York. I've been recreating it on my new computer, but it's slow going, especially since the last three weeks I've had a roommate who has spent a lot of time on my computer, meaning I couldn't be on it. Although, to be fair, I wasn't really do a good job of working on my virtual route before he came along. :) Never fear, though, I AM keeping track of my exercising and will get a new route up soon. I'm interested to see where I am.

Until then, I thought I'd share with you my experience at the doctor's office this morning. My last appointment was the beginning of December and I've lost over 30 lbs since then (my weight loss has dramatically slowed, but I'm ok). I was supposed to have an appointment in February but I had just started a new job and didn't feel comfortable taking a morning off (my doctor is 45 minute away, remember) so soon after starting.

I walked in and immediately the nurses started oohing and aahing over me; "Oh Julie, you look amazing!", "Wow Julie, you look so pretty!", etc. It was super sweet of them. I caught them up on what I've been doing lately (new job, dating, softball, roommates, etc.) and found out about them. I love the people at my doctor's office - they are so nice! I was weighed and measured and congratulated for doing so well then was placed in the room to wait for the Dr.

Dr. S came in and smiled really big. "Julie," he said, "you look wonderful! You're doing so well!" It was great to hear that from him...especially since I've kind of been slipping lately. We talked about that and he remotivated me to do better with my diet but also congratulated me on my exercise levels. He's sure, and I agree, that exercising has been the secret to my success and will be the reason I'm able to keep off the weight long-term. Which is why I'm planning on exercising til the day I die. After some discussion, we decided to give me a little fill, something I hadn't expected, but after talking with him, I agreed to give it a try. I do find myself looking for food more often than I used to. If it's just because I needed a fill, it should be better now. If the feeling doesn't go away, then I'll know it's a mental thing I need to correct. My bet is on the latter, but I'm hoping the fill helps me conquer the mental urge to snack.

When Dr. S had given me the fill, he sat back down with a serious look on his face. He thanked me for coming in and for doing so well with my weight-loss. He confessed that sometimes he gets discouraged because people aren't taking full advantage of the surgery and either don't lose as much weight as they could or start gaining it back shortly after the surgery. He starts to wonder if what he's doing does any good. Then he sees me, a "minority" of WLS patients, and it rejuvenates him and helps him see that he is doing something good. I still have weight to lose, and I hear that maintaining weight loss is a million times harder than losing it, so I can't say I'm some perfect WLS patient, but hearing him say that really inspired me to do better. Not just so I don't let him down, but because it reminded me that it's my choice whether or not I take full advantage of my surgery and to have the body I want to have.

I thanked him for telling me and told him how much the surgery has changed my life...that it saved my life. I was so big, so obese, that I imagine I would have lived a shortened life, but that's not all. I wasn't living my life any more. I was existing, not living. Now I'm living and it feels amazing. I'm so much happier now. The surgery he performed on me DID ME GOOD. He smiled and thanked me for telling him. I said I'd do an ad for him whenever he wanted. We both chuckled. I drank some water (to make sure it would go down) and left, saying goodbye to all the nurses on my way out. My next appointment isn't for another 6 months, unless I need any adjustments or help before then.

I keep thinking how fortunate I am. I did absolutely no research about surgeons beyond the casual reference a lady my dad knows made. And yet, I ended up with a really great, compassionate surgeon who I trusted then and I still trust. He's a good man and it was great to reconnect with him as his patient. It amazes me how much that contact helps me recenter my weight loss efforts.

Oh, and I'm thinking of going back to support group. The one here fizzled, so I'll have to go to St. George, but it's only once a month! I used to go down there at least once a week to see my boyfriend, so once a month won't kill me. I think it'll really help me as I lose the remaining 20 or so pounds and definitely while I try to maintain the loss.

The next one is next week. I'll let you know how it goes.

Onederland

2010-01-19T16:16:00.003-07:00

This morning, I cried a little when I stepped on the scale and read how much I weigh.

I now weigh under 200 lbs!!!! Woohoo!

199.0 to be exact. I hit 199.8 yesterday, but I refused to believe it unless it was confirmed a second day. It was!!!

It feels incredible to weigh under 200 lbs again. Seriously, the last time I did was back in 1995, my freshman year in college.

So...now I have to decide what to do for my reward. Though really, feeling this good is a reward in and of itself. However, it's too big a milestone to go unacknowledged. I had thought about going skydiving when I reached under 200 lbs, but I think I'm going to save that for when I reach my "goal weight" (which I haven't determined yet). So, I need some help! Any suggestions on how I can celebrate this achievement?

I'll try to post a picture this week. Things are pretty crazy at work, what with my last day being the 29th, so I haven't had a lot of time to good around. I'll try, though!

A Very BIG Small Success #8

2010-01-06T10:40:00.003-07:00

I feel like I'm falling behind in my blogging.

I mean, there's no one saying how often I have to blog or anything, but there are a lot of things I want to blog about; my virtual route from December, for instance. However, there's no time. Life is so crazy busy right now that I barely have my head above water. Fortunately, all the stuff that is filling my life to the brim is all good stuff. I'm very blessed.

That said, I cannot let this current milestone pass by without mention:

Today, I hit 150 lbs lost!

I can't believe it! A year ago, the possibility of losing this much weight seemed like a distant dream. Now, I'm wearing a size 16 in pants and skirts and a Large in shirts. I haven't worn those sizes since high school! And, I'm in the best shape I've been in since high school - something that really helped when I was in Paris last week. I walked an average of 5 miles each day, basking in the wonderfulness that is Paris, and never felt sore or fatigued. Seriously, walking around is the best way to see a city, in my humble opinion. I climbed the 286 stairs at the Arc de Triomphe with minimal difficulty and bounded up my hotel stairs with none whatsoever. I felt wonderful!

Now, I'm just a bit away from achieving my next milestone...I'm sure I'll cry when I reach it. I'll keep you updated, you can be sure! Oh, and I'll try to get you a current picture. :)

What A Difference One Year Makes!

2009-12-15T16:28:00.003-07:00

Yesterday, I celebrated one year since I began the SlimFast diet that proceeded my surgery. Even though I had surgery on the 23rd, I've always considered the 14th as the day I started down this weight-loss journey, since that is when I really started to lose weight. Heck, I lost almost 20 lbs the 10 days before my surgery! Boy, I'm glad I don't have to relive those 10 days. It would've helped if I would've read my instructions properly and known that I could drink 6 cans a day instead of the 3 I chugged down. 600 calories a day just isn't enough. I was so listless by the end of that period. Listless and totally sick of sweetness - I craved anything savory! To this day, I haven't fully regained my sweet tooth, though it's still quite present. :)

A year later, I've now lost 141 lbs, as of yesterday. 141 Pounds!! Isn't that crazy? Seriously, I know people who weigh 140 lbs. It's like I was walking around with one of those people strapped to my back. No wonder I have so much more energy now and everything is so much easier to do! I now weigh 210 lbs. I can't believe I'm only 11 lbs away from weighing under 200! Holy cow! I'm so excited to reach that goal.

Losing that much weight has really changed me. I didn't really think it would, if you can believe it, but it has. I mean, I'm still overweight, but I now realize how much being that heavy affected me. I didn't realize that I was slowly becoming a hermit because of it. I just thought I was going through a phase. Since losing the weight, I've learned to be good to myself. I certainly never would have spontaneously decided to fly to Paris if I still weighed 300+ lbs - I would have worried about being too uncomfortable in the airplane seats...among other concerns. I've always felt comfortable meeting new people, but deep down, I wondered what they thought about me and my weight. Especially guys. I placed restrictions on myself - I hesitated to do things because I worried that I'd look silly or wouldn't be able to do it because of my weight. And, restrictions were placed on me because of my weight - I was too heavy to go horseback riding on one of my cruises!

I'm a million times (hyperbole alert!) healthier than I used to be. Not that I had a lot of health complications because of my weight, but they were creeping up. Just the month before my surgery, my blood pressure was just above normal. It has since settled to around 115/78. I now exercise almost every day and have even started to RUN! I don't get heartburn any more...I used to get it almost daily and now it's been a year since I have!

Having lap band surgery saved my life. I'm sure physically (hopefully I won't die before reaching 40 now!) but also by letting me get back to who I am. Stripping away the fat has let me see me again.

What a difference a year makes!

Virtual Route 13 and Small Success #7

2009-12-02T09:09:00.002-07:00

Still plugging along on my way to NYC. Have you voted on when you think I'll actually arrive? If not, the poll is on my sidebar.

Here's where I am right now. As always, you'll need to click on the picture to actually see anything.

I am thrilled to finally make it to Iowa! I love crossing into new states, especially since I've never really been to Iowa. Makes me want to go. Maybe someday I'll drive this virtual route. Wouldn't that be fun?!

Stats:
Start date of this leg: 11.01.09
# of days traveled: 26
# of stationary days: 4
Miles traveled: 95.2
Hours on the road: 23.75
Calories burned: 12,026
Total miles traveled: 1150
Miles 'til NYC: 1206.6

Thoughts:
This was a good exercise month. I worried as the weather turned colder that I would struggle to exercise, since walking outside is my favorite exercise. However, I think that dilemma has been solved; a friend and I started walking at the college indoor track together in the mornings. With the mornings being as dark as they are, I'd never be able to get myself out of bed at 6:10 am to go walking, especially if I had to drive somewhere first. Knowing that she's waiting for me is the push I need not only to get out of bed, but also to get to bed at a decent time the night before.

As far as my goals, I accomplished the goal of walking 15 times in the morning and of only missing 4 days of exercise! Woohoo! That morning number should go up with my new morning routine, so I'm not even going to worry about it as a goal for next month. I'm bummed that I missed the 100 mile mark by just a few miles; this month I'll have to make sure I go further when I exercise. I only managed three two-a-days, four short of my goal. Sigh. I've got to try harder.

I'm running longer periods now that I'm running around a track and can measure how far I'm running. I've been averaging about a mile a morning of running and 1.5 to 2 miles of walking, running one lap followed by one or two laps of walking. Yesterday, however, I had a Small Success - I ran 6 laps without stopping! I decided to see how far I could go before I couldn't run any more, and 6 is what I got. That's over 1/2 a mile! That's two times around a normal track! And, I didn't stop at that, I continued to run 2 laps at a time and ended up running 1.6 miles and walking 1 mile. It's the first day that I ran more than I walked. Woohoo! In case you don't remember from last month, here are my running goals:

1. Run once around the track (or 1/4 of a mile) without stopping. DONE!
2. Run a mile without stopping.
3. Run a 5k without stopping.

I really enjoy running. It feels amazing to have my body working so fluidly. I find myself looking forward to running again, though it's still hard dragging myself out of bed that early. My knees hurt a little bit after I've finished for the morning, especially since I have to go down a couple flights of stairs, but they don't hurt while I'm running and they feel fine by the time I get home. And, I think running has kick-started my weight loss again! All in all, I'm very pleased.

Next Month's Goals:
1. Only miss 4 days and travel 100+ miles. Totally do-able if I exert enough effort.

2. Have 7 "two-a-days". There's no reason I can't do this. I just need to make more time in the evenings.

3. Run a mile without stopping. Why not incorporate my running goals into my monthly goals? This may be a little lofty, but I know that I'll be able to accomplish it one day.

Do I Look Different?

2009-11-20T15:34:00.002-07:00

Monday evening, I went to the university gym with some friends to play wallyball. I ran into my coworker's husband who I see on a fairly regular basis, though it had been a few weeks since the last time. We chatted for several minutes, then I rejoined my friends and had a fun-filled evening.

The next morning, I mentioned seeing her husband at the gym, and my coworker said he hadn't recognized me! He said my voice was familiar but my looks weren't. He said it took him a few moments to realize who I was. I couldn't believe it!

Do I really look that different?

Logically, I know I must - I've lost 134 lbs to-date - how could I look the same? I definitely feel different. I have more energy and feel lighter. And yet, when I look in the mirror, I don't think I look so different that someone who knows me fairly well (like my coworker's husband) wouldn't recognize me.

I mean, I'm glad that I look different...that's one of the goals I had hoped to achieve with the band. It's just funny to me that people tell me I look so different and I think I look the same. I guess my brain just needs time to catch up with my changing body. *grin*

Slowing Down?

2009-11-13T14:41:00.001-07:00

Sigh.

Since February I've been losing an average of 10 lbs a month. I feel good about that amount - not so much as to be unhealthy but enough to keep me motivated and excited about my progress. There have been some rough patches along the way where I stay the same for awhile, but never longer than two weeks, then the numbers plunge down and I still end up losing about 10 lbs for the month.

Something has changed.

I've lost just 5 lbs since the beginning of October - a month and a half ago! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the numbers on the scales are still going down, but it makes me wonder what's going on. Have I hit a plateau that is supposedly natural? Or, have I strayed far enough from the path I'm supposed to be on that it's affecting my weight loss? Because I have strayed. Quite a bit sometimes.

I still exercise a lot, about 6 days a week. And that's just the "formal" exercise I do like walking or riding my bike. I'm a lot more active than I once was - not just sitting around watching tv or reading. I'm up and doing things. I recently played wallyball for the first time and loved it! I feel really good about my activity level, and my level of activity makes me feel really good. *smile*

Typical of me, it's food that's doing me in. I still eat really small portions - my mind can't wrap itself around anything larger - but it's WHAT I eat that is killing me. Definitely a lot more carbs than I should eat...and not good carbs like vegetables. I'm talking about bread, pasta, and sweets. I know what caused this gradual trend away from solid, lean protein, but I can't make any excuses. I know I have to get back on track, but have you ever noticed how much harder it is to go back to doing something good than it is to stay doing good things and never straying? *Oh the possible life analogies!!!*

So, I know part of the slowing down is my fault, but I wonder if it's possible that I've hit a natural plateau. I've lost over 130 lbs in less than a year - does the body need a bit of time to adjust to that? I've heard a lot of stories about the last pounds being harder to lose than the first. I had hoped that I wouldn't hit a serious plateau until 150 lbs lost - that would put me at weighing under 200 lbs. Oh well. My first plan of attack is to get back on track with my eating. If that doesn't kick start the weight loss again, I'll figure out what to do next.

On a happy note, even though I haven't lost much weight in the past 45 days, I'm losing inches from my body. No, I've never measured, so I don't know this exactly, but the new clothes I bought at the beginning of October are fitting more loosely than they did when I bought them. For example, my jeans are almost to the point where I can slide them down without unzipping them. A button-up shirt my mom gave me used to be kind of tight around my hips and stomach, now it hangs quite loosely. Woohoo!

I'm a silver lining kind of gal.

Virtual Route 12

2009-11-02T14:53:00.001-07:00

To be honest, I'm amazed sometimes how long I've lasted at recording my exercise. This virtual journey has really helped. Now, if only I could come up with something that motivates me to journal my food intake. Oh well. Here's my latest progress:

And, because I didn't really accomplish anything "fun" this trip, here is a picture of the whole trip so far. You'll definitely have to click on the picture to do it justice.

Stats:
Start date of this leg: 10.01.09
# of days traveled: 24
# of stationary days: 7
Miles traveled: 100.4
Hours on the road: 18.5
Calories burned: 9,217
Total miles traveled: 1054.8
Miles 'til NYC: 1301.8

Thoughts:
I definitely struggled this month. I accomplished just one of my goals from last month - traveling over 100 miles. I didn't even come close to my other goals; only exercised 8 mornings, only 3 days of exercising more than once, and missed 7 days. I'm glad that there's room for improvement, it gives me something to shoot for for next month.

Seriously, exercising in the morning has to become a priority! My evenings are so busy and promise to become even busier now that the holiday season is upon us. Plus, I'm a Pampered Chef consultant now - putting on cooking shows contributed to three of the days I missed because I didn't exercise the morning of the show. In order to wake up early enough to ride my bike, I have GOT to start going to bed earlier. Isn't it amazing how easy it is to break good habits? I remember when my lights were off by 11pm and I was consistently waking up at 6:30 to walk. Sigh. Those were the days. *smile*

On a positive note, I've started to run. I've wanted to run for years! I loved the idea of my whole body working so efficiently and smoothly, the wind blowing my hair. I sometimes wondered if the idea was better than the actual running would be since it had been so very long since the last time I had run (think middle school). So far, running is as good as I always dreamed it could be.

Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not talking about lengthy runs. I just run a little bit each time I go for a walk. So far, I haven't figured out the distance I'm able to run before stopping. However, I've noticed that I'm able to run a lot longer than I could at the beginning of the month. My legs feel so good after running, it makes me excited to run again! I have three running goals for the future:

1. Run once around the track without stopping.
2. Run a mile without stopping (4x around the track).
3. Run a 5k (3.2 miles) without stopping

I don't know when I'll accomplish these goals, but I'll definitely let you know when I do. In the meantime, I'm loving having something new to do. If only winter wasn't coming. I'm not looking forward to exercising indoors. Oh well.

Next Month's Goals:
1. Only miss 4 days and travel 100+ miles. Totally do-able if I exert enough effort.

2. Have 7 "two-a-days". This one is kind of tricky, but I really do believe I can accomplish it.

3. Exercise 15 times in the morning. I lowered the number of times, but it's still pretty lofty considering my current situation. I'm trying to shoot for the stars. *smile*

If My Name Was Stan...

2009-10-22T13:53:00.004-06:00

...I'd be "Stan with a Plan".

My name isn't Stan, though, and "Julie with a Plan" doesn't have the same ring to it. Unfortunately.

I do have a plan, however.

I'm failing when it comes to eating properly. If I weren't so devoted to exercising, I'd probably be in big trouble. So, I'm glad that I'm not in big trouble, but I know I could be doing even better if I was more faithful to eating the way my doctor recommends. To that end, I have made goals (aka, a plan) to help me get back to those recommendations.

1. No Snacking. I seriously struggle with this one, especially at work or if I'm home alone past 9pm. It's not that I'm actually hungry, I'm bored and decide to grab a quick snack. Fortunately, my snacks aren't very horrible (mostly tootsie rolls and peanuts) but the calories can quickly add up. So, for the next 30 days (starting today), I'm making a goal of no eating between meals. Yes, there will be the occasional exception, but as long as they remain an Exception instead of a Rule.

2. Protein. When my band was too tight the past couple months, I really steered away from lean protein. I couldn't eat very much of it without becoming too full, so I started to eat "softer" foods. Mmm. I love "soft" foods! Think bread, desserts, pasta, couscous - carbs basically. Now that my band has been loosened a bit, lean protein sits better with me, but I'm still eating more carbs than I should. So, I'm going to eat my portion of protein first, then if there's room, I'll eat a little something extra.

3. Water. It is so hard to get enough water if I don't stay focused on it. I wait for the 30 minutes after breakfast, but I get busy and then it's almost lunch, so I don't drink anything until after lunch. However, I get busy after lunch and it's mid-afternoon before I finally drink some water. I guzzle it down until I leave work, then I exercise and drink some more afterward, but then I get so busy that I don't drink the whole rest of the night! I need to make a more concerted effort to get in my 64 oz of water every day. I'm still not sure how I'm going to do it, but I've found that if I focus on making sure I'm drinking water, I tend to drink more water, ironically enough. *smile*

They seem like simple enough goals/plans, right? It's not like I'm committing to drink nothing but Slim Fast for 10 days! That, my friends, was hard. If I could do that, I can do anything.

I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Small Success #6

2009-10-21T15:31:00.000-06:00

I'm totally out of control.

Let me correct that...I've totally been out of control lately, but hopefully I'm back in control. Otherwise, my bank account is really going to suffer.

Ever since I bought new clothes at the beginning of the month, I've wanted to buy more clothes. The smaller jeans are what killed me. After getting a taste of how it feels to wear clothes that fit (it feels GREAT, by the way), it was really hard to wear clothes that were too big. And, my work clothes were really, really big on me. I'd wear these cute, smaller tops then big baggy pants or skirts. It looked funny.

This past weekend, I traveled to Vegas for a cousins weekend. Had a really good time with my cousins. And, highly unusual for us, we did a bit of shopping. I really wanted to buy a couple new skirts and maybe a pair of dress pants, but I couldn't find any that were my style, so I bought a couple tops and two bras instead. *smile*

However, on the way home from Vegas, I stopped at Dress Barn and found exactly the kind of skirts I wanted! Woohoo! I tried on a size 20 and it fit. I was thrilled! My previous skirts were size 26s. However, I hadn't realized that one of the fun skirts I had grabbed (not really the style I want for work, but it was way cute) was actually a size 18. I tried it on anyway, just to see how close I was. It fit perfectly! Lots better than the 20. It didn't pinch anywhere, I could move/sit/walk/stand/bend comfortably, and it looked good (if I do say so myself). So, I tried on 18s for the two skirts I wanted for work and they fit perfectly too! Woohoo!

That's not all. When I went out to pick up the size 18s, I noticed the clearance rack. I decided to look for black dress pants. The only ones I liked in 18s were black with a fairly thick white pinstripe. I decided to try them on anyway. They hung on me! I ended up finding and buying two pairs of all-black dress pants in a size 16!!! They are so comfortable - not at all a tight fit. I almost started to cry in the dressing room. I haven't worn a size 16 since high school. At my heaviest, I couldn't wear my size 26 dress pants, they were too small. Oh, and my new pants were only $6 a piece! Woohoo!

To top it off, I bought new shoes. The skirts especially needed cute shoes - they aren't straight, boring skirts like my old ones. My favorite skirt is gray with a bit of a flair at the bottom. My old, scuffed up, flat Mary Janes are great for administering hearing tests, but they would totally kill the cute buzz created by the skirt! How's that for rationalization? *smile* Oh, and my new shoes are two sizes smaller than what I wore at my heaviest! Who knew that even my feet would get skinnier?

To summarize, because I know I tend to babble: 1) size 18 skirts, 2) size 16 pants, and 3) size 8 shoes.

I think I'm done buying clothes for a bit. It's been expensive (don't ask how much I spent on the bras!), but I feel great wearing my new clothes. And, I'm getting a lot more compliments about how I look. My old, huge clothes hid how much my body has changed.

And, I'm worth the splurge.

*smile*

Small Success #5

2009-10-03T20:09:00.003-06:00

Do you remember me mentioning how frustrated I get with my clothes situation? I really hate the thought of spending money on clothes when I'm hopefully not going to be able to wear them for very long. However, lately I've become very unhappy with wearing clothes that don't fit me - that drown me. My pants barely stay up even with the help of a belt!

After some thought, today I went shopping. I gave myself a modest budget to spend on some new clothes. I ended up buying 2 pairs of jeans, a coat, a hoodie, 2 sweaters, and 3 nice shirts. A couple of the shirts are a little snug but wearable AND I'll be able to wear them even longer because of it. I was so excited about new jeans that fit, that as soon as I got to my dad's house after leaving the store, I immediately changed into them. What a difference!

Here's the great part: I bought some of the shirts in the normal clothes section! Not the plus size section! I don't know how long it has been since I've been able to do that. I started out in the plus size section out of habit. It wasn't until I was getting ready to go that I realized I could theoretically fit into clothes in the regular clothes section. I picked up a shirt, took it to the changing room, put it on, and it fit! I just stood in front of the mirror amazed and ever so pleased. I ended up getting a few shirts and the coat from this section.

I still smile about the whole thing - it definitely took the edge off of spending money on new clothes! *smile*

Virtual Route 11

2009-09-30T16:24:00.004-06:00

I'm back with another edition of "Where's Julie?" Be honest, that's a slightly better title than "Virtual Route ____", right? That's what I thought. Oh well, it's too late to change titles now.

I'm making pretty good time through Nebraska. I'm thinking I may get close to crossing into Iowa next month. We'll see. I love "watching" the cities go by. I've never heard of most of them and can't help wondering what they really look like. I wonder who lives there and what they are doing with their lives. Little do they know that some girl in Utah has just "traveled" through their town.

Anyway, on to the important bit - the Stats!

Stats:
Start date of this leg: 9.1.09
# of days traveled: 26
# of stationary days: 4 - woohoo!
Miles traveled: 107.6
Hours on the road: 23.5
Calories burned: 11,142
Total miles traveled: 954.4
Miles 'til NYC: 1402.2

Boy, I'm getting so close to New York that I can almost see the Empire State Building! Okay, so not really, but I've definitely made progress.

Thoughts:
I'm thrilled about accomplishing 2 of my goals from previous months! It took quite an effort to only miss 4 days of exercising, but that was the point of making it a goal - to encourage me to make the effort. Missing so few days really helps me achieve the goal of traveling 100+ miles. Now, I'm going to work on the goal that I didn't accomplish. I'm slowly getting back into the habit of going to bed at an earlier time. It usually takes my body awhile to realize it is getting enough sleep and can wake up at 6:30 to go for a walk or bike ride. I have high hopes for this next month.

I really enjoy exercising. Probably because I've chosen activities I enjoy doing. I love walking. I wish I lived somewhere that allowed for walking outside year-round. Oh well. Ever since I moved a tv in front of my stationary bike, I feel more inclined to ride it if I can't make it out for a walk. I'm sad that the weather is turning colder; I'll miss playing tennis, walking outside, and hiking. Really, I just need to find some fun cold weather activities!

Overall, a good month. I am definitely accomplishing my goals and can see room for improvement, which motivates me to keep working hard.

Next Month's Goals:
1. Exercise in the morning at least 18 times. In September, I logged 13 mornings.

2. Have 7 "two-a-days" during the month. This is 2 times more than I did in September.

3. The ever-present goals of missing 4 days or less of exercise and traveling 100+ miles.

Stating the Obvious

2009-09-18T14:37:00.003-06:00

So, you may have noticed that I changed my blog design. Yeah, my old design was pretty boring, so I decided to jump on the pretty-blog bandwagon. I've put off doing so for months, but now that I'm on, I'm enjoying the view. It was pretty fun looking at the different layouts and deciding which one best fit with my blog personality.

You may have also noticed that the poll results changed. Yeah, for some reason that is beyond my limited understanding of blog layouts, my poll wouldn't transfer over to this new layout. So, I put it up again after I changed the layout. Please vote again, knowing that I didn't redo the poll because I wasn't pleased by the results.

That's it, really.

Happy Friday!

On Eating: I'm Glad I'm Me

2009-09-14T14:59:00.001-06:00

I recently answered questions posed by friends about how I manage to live with the restrictions imposed on me by the Lap band. As I answered the questions, I realized I'm glad I'm me. If I weren't, this process could be a little more difficult.

********************

1. I love leftovers. Seriously, I think they are the best things since sliced bread. Wait, I take that back. I actually prefer bread that doesn't come pre-sliced, but you know what I meant. To me, leftovers = wonderfulness. Ofttimes, a meal tastes better after being reheated. Most casseroles. Some pasta. Meat, if you don't overcook it the first time around.

Even before my surgery, I ate a lot of leftovers. I love to cook but find it difficult to cook for just me. So, I'd cook as if feeding a family, then eat leftovers until the food was gone, or when 7 days had passed (I won't eat something that is older than 7 days). I can easily eat the same thing for lunch and dinner several days in a row.

This really helps with my surgery. Even if I had mastered the cooking-for-one mentality, I'd still have leftovers. Lately, it takes me three meals to finish one chicken breast. Imagine how long it takes me to eat a whole meatloaf! (A week, actually, since I'll throw away whatever is left after 7 days, weren't you paying attention?) When I go out to eat, I end up eating those leftovers for a good 3 or 4 meals. It saves me a lot of money and time.

I can't imagine how hard it would be if I didn't like leftovers. Talk about wasting a lot of food!

2. I like meat. I know people from the online WLS community that are vegetarians and they do fine with the high protein aspect of the diet, but they have to get creative. I'm not creative. I like that I can eat meat to get the necessary protein.

I can really tell a difference when I'm not getting enough protein. I feel sluggish. A little dizzy. This summer was tough. I could eat more food because my band was pretty loose. So, I started eating a lot of non-protein foods again. However, since I was able to eat fairly big (for me) portions, I felt okay. Now my band is tighter, maybe even a tad too tight, and I can't eat very large portions of anything. If I don't stick to meat or other protein-rich foods, I can tell that I don't get enough calories and nutrients. I think it even started to affect my period; I was two weeks late this month. If I were sexually active, I would've been freaking out. As it was, I was just kind of freaking out because I'm usually really regular. My mom was the one who suggested it could be because of my diet. I know I've been quite lax on the protein lately, so now I'm committed to getting in the recommended amounts.

Like I said earlier, it would be a lot harder if I couldn't just cook up a chicken breast, fish, or a nice juicy steak in order to get my protein fix.

3. I don't like soda. A lot of WLS patients struggle with the no soda rule. The carbonation causes the stomach to expand, allowing for more food to be eaten, and can eventually negate the surgery. Plus, soda is just a bunch of empty calories. Now, I'm not trying to convince all you soda drinkers to stop drinking it...I know a hopeless cause when I see it (teehee). I'm just grateful that soda was never something I really got into.

I thank my high school volleyball coach for that. He made us give it up if we wanted to be on the team. So I did. Over the years, I'll have the occasional soda. I especially enjoy a ginger ale every now and then. However, the times I drank soda were few and far between. I didn't have to give it up when I had my surgery. Woohoo!

*********************

Not that everything is totally easy-cheesy about the band. I started "practicing" not drinking water with my meals a good two months before my surgery and still find it difficult. Yep, almost one year of not doing it and I could take up that habit again as easily as blinking. If I have something to distract me, it isn't too terrible, but if I don't, I count down the minutes before I can drink water again. And then, because my band is a smidgen too tight, I can't gulp it down like I'd like or I'll end up regretting it (regretting = throwing up).

Restaurants are especially difficult because they place the water right in front of me. With ice. And a straw. Sadists! Just after my surgery, when asked what I'd like to drink, I'd tell the waiter/waitress that I didn't want anything to drink. Not even water, they'd query. I'd say no, they'd look at me funny, ask me if I was sure, then walk away like I was some sort of weirdo. It wasn't worth it. So, now I practice uncharacteristic self-restraint by ordering the one beverage I love more than any other, the beverage that is totally off-limits while eating, and allow it to rest provocatively near my hand while I wait for my food to be delivered. (You see, I can't drink for 30 minutes before or after eating either.)

********************

When all is said and done, though, getting used to my new eating lifestyle hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. Mostly, this is due to how I lived and ate before the surgery. I'm so glad I'm me. *smile*

Small Success #4

2009-09-05T21:17:00.003-06:00

Mom and I went on an impromptu walk last night that ended in an unexpected adventure.

I was getting a little stir-crazy in my house and decided to take a quick walk around the neighborhood. As I passed close to Mom's house, I decided to stop in to see how her kitchen was looking and to ask if she wanted to join me on my walk.

After looking at everything in her kitchen that had been accomplished since the last time I'd seen it, we headed out on the walk. I had planned to go around the neighborhood, but she suggested we take the walking trail instead since it was getting quite dark. I agreed. After a little while, we noticed two women from our church sitting on the trail with glow sticks. We stopped to chat with them and discovered that the 1st Annual Moon Walk and Run was about to start. We learned that for $15 we could walk 1 mile in the moonlight and get movie tickets, a t-shirt, and a glow stick to wear around our necks. Mom and I discussed it and decided to do it. Since the organizers know Mom, they let us walk without paying; we promised to pay them on Sunday.

Here's where the small success comes in. As we were signing up, a volunteer asked us what size shirt we wanted. This question at events such as these always cause me agony because it's rare that they have a shirt that would fit me. I always ask for the largest shirt possible (usually a 3x) and more often than not even the 3x is tight around my chest and hips. I looked at the volunteer and said I didn't need a shirt - why go through the humiliation? Then I remembered that I've lost weight. A lot of weight. I glanced over at Mom and asked what size shirt she thought I should get. She had the volunteer hold up a 1x so she could gauge how big it was, then pronounced that we'd both get a 1x.

A 1x??? Was she insane? I don't wear 1x's. A 2x maybe, but not a 1x! I took the shirt, figuring I could hold on to it until I've lost a little more weight, so it wouldn't be a total waste. Mom pulled her shirt on over the shirt she was already wearing and encouraged me to do the same. Yikes! I hate trying on clothes and having them end up too small - talk about a confidence deflator!

Sighing, I pulled it on and it fit! It even fit over my 3x, way-too-big-for-me shirt! I thought I'd start crying, it seemed so miraculous. I wear a 1x t-shirt. Woohoo!!!

I need to stop wearing my too big clothes. They are what I've known for so long that it's kind of hard to part with them. And, I hate buying new clothes, I think I've mentioned that before, haven't I? *smile* However, the rush I felt from being able to wear a 1x t-shirt was amazing. It made me realize how far I've come and motivates me to keep pushing forward. Who knows? Maybe someday soon I'll actually fit into a LARGE!

Sigh. That will be awesome.

Virtual Route 10

2009-08-31T11:49:00.000-06:00

I'm still plugging along on my trip to New York City. I honestly didn't realize it would take this long to get this far. I mean, I knew it would take awhile, but I thought I'd be closer after 7 months of steady exercising. Oh well. Just for fun, I'm going to put a poll up on my sidebar so you can vote when you think I'll arrive. Again, I stole the idea from Sarah. Without her, I wouldn't have a single good idea. *smile*

Anyhoo, here's where I am:

As you can see from the picture (if you click on it to enlarge it), I've finally entered Nebraska. I'm pretty excited whenever I enter a new state. It takes so long to get through a state! I'm really looking forward to getting back east; maybe it'll only take me a couple months to exercise my way through some of those smaller states instead of the 4+ it took me to get through Colorado.

Stats:
Start date of this leg: 7.28.09
# of days traveled: 28
# of stationary days: 5 - vast improvement from last month's 12!
Miles traveled: 104.2
Hours on the road: 26.6
Calories burned: 13,595
Total miles traveled: 846.8
Miles 'til NYC: 1509.8

Thoughts:
I definitely feel better with my performance this leg compared to July. I worked really hard to not miss as many days as last month. I didn't quite accomplish my goal of only missing 4 days, but I'm pleased that it was just one day off. I'm also pleased to have accomplished my goal of traveling 100 miles this month, especially since there were several days that I played tennis or racquetball, which I don't count towards my mileage since I don't know how to say how "far" I exercised. It's fun to have some variety, though, and they boost my Calories Burned and Days Traveled, so I'll keep adding them into the mix as often as possible.

Ideally, I'd wake up early every morning and ride my bike or walk, then either play tennis/racquetball or walk every evening. Ideally. The "problem" has been my new friends who are so much fun I stay up late to hang out with them, making it hard to wake up at 6:30. However, they are also the ones with whom I play tennis and racquetball. I just need to get better at saying goodnight earlier. Yeah, wish me luck with that! *smile*

Again, overall I'm pleased with the month. I feel really good and, despite the decreased sleep, feel pretty energetic. Oh, and playing tennis has become so much easier! It's easier to run after balls and even my swing is smoother. I didn't play tennis last year, but I bet I wouldn't have enjoyed it. I was so heavy, I probably wouldn't have been able to play for very long without dying of a heart attack. And, I know I wouldn't have liked racquetball - it takes quite a bit of energy and I wouldn't have had it. Now I love it! I can't help but think about how much better I'll be as I practice AND as I get even lighter! Something to work towards, definitely.

Next Month's Goals:
1. Miss 4 days or fewer. This is such a do-able goal! I'm going to accomplish this one in September even if it kills me!

2. Travel 100 miles or more for a 2nd month in a row. Really, if I'm ever going to get to NYC, this is going to have to become a regular occurrence.

3. Wake up 4 mornings a week to exercise - 3 times during the week (non-weekend). This is also totally do-able, I'm just not doing it lately. If I wake up to exercise, it'll really help out with goal #1.

Purple Purse and Other Things

2009-08-10T15:20:00.000-06:00

Purple Purse
I had decided to stop rewarding myself for 10 lb achievements - it was getting kind of costly - but this morning, when I discovered I'd reached 110 lbs lost, I couldn't help it. I had a doctor's appointment today, so I'd be close to Target, my favorite place to buy purses. I realized that I've had my yellow purse since January or February, so it was definitely time for a new one! teehee. I wanted a purple purse. Or maybe an orange one. I'll decide when I get there. Well, I found identical orange and purple purses and had the toughest time deciding, but I ended up choosing the purple purse because it would go with more of my clothes.

This summer has been tough, and my weight loss really slowed down for a bit. So, I was really happy to reach 110 lbs, especially since I achieved it 5 days before I'd hoped to. I really had to buckle down and get back on the "straight and narrow" in order to do it, so I'm pleased. I deserve a little reward. *smile*

Doctor Appointment
It's been two and a half months since my last visit, and it's been hard. Talking to Dr S helps me a lot because he knows what he's talking about and I trust him. He confirms the things I'm doing right then he steers me to do things that I'm not doing. Things that maybe I didn't need to do until now, when I've reached this point. For example, he's always complimented me on how well I keep up my exercising. Today, he asked me about strength training, and when I told him I don't do it, he encouraged me to add that to my exercise routine. He instructed me on certain exercises, advised me on how to know what weights to get (5lb, 10lb, etc.), and suggested how often I should lift weights. It was really helpful.

When it came time to decide whether or not to get a fill, we talked quite a bit. I really don't want to use the band as a crutch; I want to develop good habits that will last the rest of my life. However, I got the band for a reason, why not use it the way it's intended? Like I said, we discussed it for a long time and he asked me a lot of questions. In the end, we both came to the conclusion that a small fill would be worth a try.

Have I mentioned how much I like my doctor? I do. I can't believe how fortunate I am to have such a great doctor, especially since I didn't research him at all. *sheepish grin* I just went with my gut (pun intended); I guess my gut was right. Too bad I'm doing my best to get rid of it. *smile*

The Fill
This was the worst experience with getting a fill that I've had. A couple times, Dr S was the one who gave me the fill because his nurse practitioner wasn't available. Those were the best times because he's in and out with the needle in a heartbeat. No bruising afterward, no pain, and no nausea. Another NP gave me my first fill, and though not as smooth as Dr S, it still was ok, with minimal pain and nausea afterward. The NP today has worked on me before. She's the one who took out some saline when I entered the Red Zone in March. At that time, she'd only done it a couple times but I was desperate so didn't care that it took a little time for her to find the port. This time was worse.

She couldn't get the needle into the port to save her life. And let me just tell you that after losing 110 lbs, I have a lot less stomach so it's easier to feel the port. She kept saying she could feel the port, but she couldn't get the needle in it. So, she's got the needle in my body, swirling it every which way trying to find the port. Every so often, she'd hit a spot that wasn't numb because it wasn't even close to where the port is, and the pain would make me gasp. Seriously, it was making me nauseous just being able to feel the needle moving around, but at least there wasn't pain...until she hit another spot that hadn't been numbed. Finally, after several minutes, she pulled out the needle and let me relax a bit before she plunged it in for another attempt. More of the same; nausea, pain, pushing out my stomach as far as I could to try to help her find the port - lasting another 5 minutes or so. She took out the needle again, still unsuccessful, and told me she'd try one last time then go get Dr S. I wanted to plead with her not to try again, but I didn't. I'm too nice. After a few minutes of the same, she found the port. Thank heavens!

I now have three small puncture wounds from the three attempts, a growing bruise, and I still feel pretty nauseous and am in quite a bit of pain - 5 hours later! I know nothing has been permanently damaged, it's just going to take my body awhile to recover from the experience. I really want to lie down and not move for a very long time.

Fortunately, the fill wasn't too much, I can eat and drink without a problem. And, I can tell the difference with the amount of restriction I'm getting, and it feels good. It will help me as I work on getting back on track. So, it was worth the horribleness of getting the fill.

That's it. Other than not feeling very well, I feel great. My clothes are falling off of me, literally! I lost my slip at my mom's house last night. Stood up from the table, walked a couple steps, and felt something slip to my ankles. I thought at first that it was my skirt (which is also really loose), but it was "just" my slip. My family thought it was pretty funny. Yeah, well they don't have to buy a new slip. *smile*

Virtual Route 9

2009-07-27T16:57:00.000-06:00

Still going, slowly but surely!

I am so close to crossing into Nebraska! If only I would have had a more productive month. Sigh. More on that later. Here are the stats:

Stats:
Start date of this leg: 6.23.09
# of days traveled: 23
# of stationary days: 12 - *head hung in shame*
Miles traveled: 63.4
Hours on the road: 17.9
Calories burned: 9170
Total miles traveled: 742.6
Miles 'til NYC: 1614

Thoughts:
Summer is tough. It's amazing I managed to exercise as much as I did, I was so busy - and that's not just an excuse for missing so many days. Between work trips, fun trips, people visiting, camping, staying up too late talking to friends and neighbors, and other fun stuff, it's a wonder that I didn't miss more.

Waking up at 6:20 am to walk has become easier to do. There are still mornings when I have to drag myself out of bed, but that's usually due to staying up too late. On the days when I would rather sleep another hour, I warn myself that I've become so busy in the evenings that if I don't walk right then, it won't happen and I'll have more Missed Days on my Stats. Even evenings I think are empty have a way of filling up. I'm not complaining - I'm having lots of fun this summer - it's just something I've come to realize.

The only drawback to walking in the mornings is my hesitation to try a new walk. I know exactly how long it takes me to walk the three routes I normally walk and two of them are the perfect length for the morning. I'd love to try some new routes that Mom has mentioned, but I don't know how long it would take ME to walk them. I'd hate to get going on one and discover that it's taking too long, possibly causing me to be late for work. There's an easy solution to this problem - measuring the routes on Google Earth, like I do for my Virtual Route - but I just came up with it as I typed this paragraph, so I haven't done it yet. *smile* I already know it takes me 45 minutes to walk 2.5 miles, so it'll be easy to go from there. So, I guess there are no drawbacks to walking in the mornings. Woohoo!

Next Month's Goals:
1. Miss less than 4 days. This was last month's goal, too. Yeah, totally didn't happen. I have high hopes for August, though.

2. Travel over 100 miles. Again, last month's goal, but it's such a do-able goal if I really put some effort into exercising every day and twice a day whenever possible.

Two Small Successes and a Big Success

2009-07-16T15:08:00.002-06:00

Small Success #2
I didn't have to work on Friday, July 3rd, so I planned to really clean my house in preparation for the arrival of my cousin, Cassie. I still wanted to get in a walk, though, so I woke up a little early for a Saturday and headed out. I have three "walks" to choose from as I step out my door. Since I had a pretty free day, I chose the longer of the three, the 4-mile walk up the trail to East Canyon Park. Well, when I reached the park, I felt like going a little farther, so I decided I'd go to the pavilion at West Canyon Park. As I walked toward the pavilion, I figured I might as well go up the canyon to the bridge. When I got to the bridge, I thought I might as well go all the way to the end of the trail, since I'd gone that far already. I walked the whole walking trail! It had been a goal of mine for a few months, so I'm thrilled to have accomplished it. I walked a total of 2 hours and 7 miles and at the end of the walk, my feet hurt. And, my legs were sore the rest of the day. It was totally worth it, though! I'm hoping to walk the whole trail again someday - if I ever have enough free time to do it!

Small Success #3
Last week, my family arrived for our annual Utah Shakespearean Festival tradition. For more details about the experience, Cassie wrote a great posting here. Ever since I started attending all six performances, I've kind of dreaded the plays showing in the Adams outdoor theatre. It's a great venue for the plays, but I've always been really uncomfortable in the seats - my hips have been too big! This year, being quite a bit thinner, I fit into the seats a whole letter better! They still aren't the most comfortable seats in the world (even for skinny people), but it made a world of difference. I'm excited to be even skinnier for next year!

Big Success
I've now lost 100 lbs! This summer has been rough - no wonder I gained so much weight last year! With all the traveling, the BBQ's, special functions, Shakespeare, etc, it's a wonder I've lost any weight at all. I fell a bit behind my "schedule" of 10 lbs a month by 2 weeks, but I'm still feeling pretty good about where I am. I haven't weighed this little since I returned from my mission over 9 years ago! There are some emerging bad habits that I need to nip in the bud, and I'm confident that I'll be able to do so.

Anyway, here are some pictures:

The Before Shots:
Taken a few days before surgery at my doctor's office
Weight: 351 (WOW!)

(That poor sweater vest - it looks like it's about to pop!)

After Shots:

The beginning of June - 90 lbs lost
(And the two below)

Today - 100 lbs lost
(As of Sunday)

On Clothes

2009-07-02T14:19:00.000-06:00

There are a lot of positive aspects about losing weight. In fact, losing weight is a 98% positive thing. I'm healthier, more energetic, and more attractive (I hope). There's just one thing that kind of bugs me:

My clothes!

I've told you about the clothes that I've had in my closet for years, unable to wear because they were too small, that I can now fit into. Woohoo for those clothes! However, I've neglected to tell you about all the clothes that I've been able to wear for years that are now unwearable (or close to it) because they are too big. And then there are the clothes that are too big (or close to it) that I still wear even though I feel like I'm drowning in them. It's either wear pants that are baggy or not wear pants at all. Honestly, every article of clothing in my closet that is designed to cover my lower half is too big. Miraculously, this morning I stumbled onto a belt (I didn't think I owned any) and it has been a boon. Left to their own devices, the tan pants I'm wearing right now sit low at my hips with the hems of the legs dragging on the ground and the crotch hanging to my knees (or close to it). Now, with the belt, I can keep the waist where it's supposed to be...at my waist. Give Mr(s). Belt Inventor a gold star, please!

I don't think the clothes issue would be so frustrating if I lost weight slowly. I could replace my pants and know I would be able to get a good amount of use from the new pair before they got too big. The pants I wear now, the ones that are so baggy, were purchased the end of April - two months ago! I don't really want to buy new pants just to wear them for 2 months. Not to mention my shirts, shorts, skirts (which are actually holding up a lot better than the pants), and unmentionables. It would cost a fortune. And be a pain.

I'm not a shopper. Even if I took people's advice and bought "new" clothes at a discount store, it would still mean taking the time to go and look for clothes. I hate that. It's one of the reasons I wear something until there are holes in the elbows/knees/collar/whatever, the elastic has stretched beyond recognition, or I've grown out of it. Style is secondary to convenience, and not having to go shopping for new clothes is mega convenient.

Let me be clear - I'm not complaining about losing weight or even about losing weight as quickly as I have. I'm thrilled! It just never really occurred to me that I'd have to get new clothes. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. Here's what I've decided:

1. No new shorts. The 3 pairs I own are at varying degrees of bagginess but I'm pretty sure they'll all last me through the summer. Even if they get horribly baggy and I have to wear multiple belts to keep them up, I'm not replacing them.

2. No new unmentionables. I'm still not 100% sure of this decision. They are pretty loose currently and I can't imagine what they'll be like when I'm down another 70 or so pounds. However, I just can't see the benefit of buying new unmentionables just to have to replace them in a little while. And, they aren't something I could get at a discount store, even if I wanted to. Which I don't!

3. One new item a month, max. Hopefully this will minimize spending and shopping time but still give me a couple items to wear that actually fit me. I like wearing clothes that fit me. The one outfit that I think fits the best is my favorite because I feel like I can actually tell that I've lost weight. All my baggy clothes hide that fact to varying degrees. So, to sum up, fitting properly = looking skinnier; baggy = not being able to notice as much.

4. Try to lose as much weight as possible as fast as possible so I can wear all the clothes my mom gave me. Okay, this isn't really true. I'm not going to do anything special beyond what I'm currently doing, but I am looking forward to being able to wear the clothes Mom gave me. They are cute, free, and sitting in my spare bedroom, so it will involve no time at all to pull them out when the time comes. They are still a few sizes smaller than where I am, so I have to be patient. It'll be a great day, though, when I can fit into them! Hooray!

To reiterate, I'm a lot happier to be in this position than in the opposite position. Before I had my surgery, my jeans (which have been unwearable for over a month) were getting to the point of being unwearable for a different reason - I was growing out of them! I really didn't want to buy bigger jeans, that is so depressing, and honestly, Wal-Mart didn't sell a bigger size. I felt horrible. So, to be going in the reverse direction feel amazing! Liberating. Joyful. Woohoo!

Just don't be too surprised if you see me with belts around my waist, thighs, and knees to keep my shorts from falling down around my ankles. *smile*

A Little Venting

2009-06-30T15:28:00.001-06:00

Please allow me to vent just a little bit. The following vent-ation has little or nothing to do with most of you, if not all of you, which is why I feel comfortable airing out my frustration in this venue.

Lately, there have been a few people who feel they need to comment on what I eat. It's crazy! I get more criticism of what I'm putting in my mouth now than I ever did when I weighed much, much more. For example:

Last week, having had no time to grocery shop, I brought leftover pasta salad (from family festivities) to work for lunch. Seriously, it was the only edible item in my house besides sticks of butter. My boss, coming into my office (the kitchen), scowled at my 1/2 cup of pasta salad and remarked, "I thought you weren't supposed to eat carbs." I brushed off the comment, but it really irritated me. I should have said, "I guess I don't have a personal chef/wife to shop while I work and make all my lunches and dinners for me, so I have to make do with whatever food I have." Grrrr.

This wasn't the first time since my surgery that he's made a little comment about what I'm eating. Nor is he the only one who does it. A couple other people have felt the need to question what I'm eating, too. It's really annoying. I eat about 1/3 (or less) of what most people eat, yet I don't sit and stare at their plates and judge how much they eat or what they eat. I wouldn't even think of doing that! So, why do some people do it to me?

I mean, I'm obviously doing ok - I've lost over 90 pounds in 6 months!! Yes, I cheat. I've cheated almost since day 1. Really. Two weeks after my surgery I ate 2 chocolate chip cookies (one a day) that were being offered at the front desk of the hotel at which I was staying. On the third day, the hotel didn't have the complimentary cookies out, so I ended up buying a Hostess cupcake out of the vending machine. TWO WEEKS after my surgery!

I'm not saying it wouldn't be helpful not to cheat. I'm sure I could have lost even more weight if I stuck to my doctor's prescribed diet, but I haven't. And, I don't see myself ever sticking to it 100%. I figure I have to live with how I lose weight for a long time. And, when I lose all the weight I need to lose, I'm going to have to keep it off for a very long time (my life). It would be completely unrealistic for me to never have Raisinets at a movie again for the rest of my life. So, I'm working at eating better than I used to, but in a way that is do-able on a long-term basis. No matter the reasons I eat what I eat, though, it's no one's business except my own. Humfph.

So, don't be surprised if you see me eating something that you think someone who is trying to lose weight should avoid. And please, PLEASE!, don't comment on it. I'm a woman on the edge!

In return, I promise not to wonder how someone can possibly eat a whole hamburger...on a bun...plus the side of french fries...and dessert. *smile*

Virtual Route 8

2009-06-25T15:50:00.003-06:00

I'm still rolling along on my trip to New York City!

I'm almost through Colorado! I'd like to be through Nebraska in two months, that's my goal.

This leg's stats:

Start date of this leg: 5.26.09
# of days traveled: 22
# of stationary days: 8 - Double Yikes!
Miles traveled: 71.5
Hours on the road: 23.5
Calories burned: 11,450
Miles 'til NYC: 1677.4

Thoughts:
I missed quite a few days of exercise again this leg. In fact, today was the first time I've exercised since Saturday! Sigh. It's work. I tried to fit a walk or bike ride in but this last week has been a killer; working mega early and plans every evening. I still feel pretty good about the month, though. There were several days of exercising in the morning and evening, which kind of makes up for the missed days.

Ever since I started walking regularly, I've been estimating the number of calories I burn each walk. Well, I discovered a calories burned website that tells you approximately how many calories you burn for different activities, accounting for your weight, how long you did the activity, and how fast you were going. Turns out, I've been underestimating by quite a lot! I checked a few other sites to verify and they all said about the same thing. Very nice.

I've been walking longer routes. My current favorite is 4 miles long and has a good mix of inclines/declines, flat areas, and interesting scenery. AND, I feel great when I finish it - my legs feel like they've had a good workout. I mix up my walks, though, so I don't get bored. It really helps.

Next Month Goals:
1. To miss 4 days or less of exercising. That gives me 1 day a week to not exercise, though someday I'd love to not miss any days!

2. Travel over 100 miles.

Small Success #1

2009-06-17T16:27:00.003-06:00

Remember when I told you that I was going to try to stop weighing myself daily and focus more on how my clothes fit and how I feel?

Well, I still weigh myself every day, in the morning before I shower. I don't see myself stopping until I reach my goal weight. And, I'm okay with that. However, I want to do better at focusing on the other, non-scale-related signs of losing weight.

Today, I have a small success story to share that goes along with this idea. Do you remember me telling you here about the clothes I've bought throughout the years and never worn because they were too small? Well, one of the shirts I talked about then (March) is a white button-up shirt. At that time it fit wonderfully but now it's becoming too big! I actually feel kind of sloppy when I wear it to work because it just hangs on me. I have another white button-up shirt that I haven't been able to wear, and today I tried it on and it fit! Perfectly! (Well, except the puffy sleeves, but they're supposed to be puffy. My name is not Anne Shirley and I don't live on Prince Edward Island, so I'm not thrilled about the puffy sleeves.) However, since a white button-up shirt is a staple in my wardrobe, I'm relieved to have one that fits again. It's the last one I have that I pre-bought, so when this one gets too big, I guess I'll have to actually go out and buy one! The horror!!!

It's such a small thing, being able to fit into clothes that were previously too small, but it means the world to me. It totally made my day.

So, I've decided, in an effort to keep focusing on the small successes, I'm creating a new segment of this blog to track the small, seemingly insignificant successes I'm having. Oddly enough, it's called "Small Successes". I've never boasted about my creativity, people!

Feel free to comment about YOUR small successes - weight-related or not. I love motivational stories of all flavors!

90 Gone...Still Losing

2009-06-05T16:19:00.003-06:00

Yesterday morning, I hit the 90-lb mark!

It feels almost beyond belief that I've lost that much weight. If my clothes didn't fit so poorly (even my new pants and shorts are too big), I'm not sure I'd believe that I weigh 90 lbs less than I did five months ago. Except for the fact that I feel tons better than I did 5 months ago, too.

I keep discovering things I can do again after not being able to for many, many years. Case in point, I can now bend my knee and hold my ankle so my foot is near my bum. It used to be one of my favorite stretches but I haven't been able to do it for years. Last weekend, I did a cartwheel. Michelle, the only witness to this event, would laugh at my liberal use of the word, but it was a cartwheel! Not the most graceful of cartwheels, but a cartwheel nonetheless. My body's reaction: Holy cow! You haven't moved me like this for 20+ years! I know, body, I know.

My coworker asked me today what I'm doing to celebrate 90 lbs. I told her "Nothing since I spent so much money on 70, 75, and 80", but I realized that's a bit of an untruth. Tomorrow, I'm getting my highlights touched up and sometime this weekend, I'm going to try to buy jeans that don't fall to my ankles when I take a step. (Woohoo for jeans that have become too too large!!) So, I guess those can count as my rewards for 90 lbs. Really, though, I'm saving my energy for the big celebration hopefully coming up in the next few weeks - 100 lbs!!!!

Crazy.

Virtual Route 7

2009-05-26T16:05:00.001-06:00

I finally made it to Denver, CO!

Boy, it feels great to reach this mile post! The last week has been so crazy and busy that exercising has sort of fallen in my priorities. This achievement re-motivates me to make the time to exercise, even when life is crazy.

This segment's stats:

Start date of this leg: 4.27.09
# of days traveled: 21
# of stationary days: 6 - Yikes!
Miles traveled: 86.9
Hours on the road: 21
Calories burned: 4951
Miles 'til NYC: 1748.9

It's interesting to note that I missed SIX days of exercise during this segment and yet still burned more calories than I did last segment. Probably due to the hiking and increased speed/resistance on my bike. You can also tell that I'm walking more from the decreased miles traveled; however, all these numbers could have been much higher if I wouldn't have missed those six days. Sigh. At least it gives me something to improve this next month, right? *smile*

Some Interesting Facts About Denver:
1. I once started a long-distance relationship here. The guy didn't live in Denver, he lived in Arizona. I didn't live in Denver either, I lived in Utah.

2. My most recent kiss took place in Denver. December 2008.

3. I've only physically been to Denver twice. I wonder if something romantic will happen every time I go there. And, if I'm only there virtually, will the romantic occurrence happen virtually, too? I hope not. I hope it's in real life! *grin*

Virtual Route #6

2009-04-27T15:50:00.001-06:00

Start date of this leg: 4.3.09
# of days traveled: 21
# of stationary days: 3
Miles traveled: 101.0
Hours on the road: 16
Calories burned: 4731
Miles 'til NYC: 1835.8

Overall Impresssions
I feel really good about how well I did on this leg of the journey. I've come 520.8 miles in just over 3 months - not too shabby! I'm especially proud that I only missed 3 days during the whole 24-day leg. Last week, I exercised 7 days in a row - a first since I started keeping track. Woohoo! I really thought I would have made it to Denver this time, but I guess I was farther away than I thought. Oh well. Maybe next time! I feel like I'm doing well but don't seem to be getting anywhere on the map.

In addition:
On Saturday I weighed myself and I've lost 80 lbs! I had decided not to do anything to celebrate this marker because I spent so much money on 70 and 75 lbs. However, this morning I put on my black slacks and drowned in them. I have to pull them up a little because I step on the hem when I walk. I'm thrilled with this sign of my weight loss but am also a little annoyed that I have to buy new pants. I'm not a huge shopper for clothes. Sigh. Really, though, I'm thrilled with how much weight I've lost - it's like a dream! Woohoo!

Support and a Decision

2009-04-07T15:30:00.003-06:00

I’ve always underestimated the importance of support when losing weight.

A couple years ago, when I tried Weight Watchers for three weeks, I thought the meetings were hokey and uninformative. The thought of attending one every week didn’t appeal to me, and I couldn’t figure out why my mom enjoyed them so much.

I tend to be a tad too independent for my own good sometimes.

I still think those meeting were a little hokey and now would probably enjoy them only marginally more than I did back then, but I get why they helped my mom. It’s helpful to have contact with people who are going through, or that have gone through, the same things you’re going through.

No one in my day-to-day life knows what it’s like to have had weight loss surgery. They don’t understand the challenges I face; what it’s like to get food stuck, the gas pain in my shoulder (just keeping it real), getting a fill, or a myriad of other things that you can’t totally get if you haven’t had WLS.

The people at my support group get it. They’ve had those same challenges, are working through the same difficulties I’m facing or will face. They have words of wisdom on how to cope with gas pain, menu ideas that stay within our guidelines, and suggestions on keeping on the path to weight loss. It’s a small group, but everyone is so different and has had so many similar and different experiences that a lot of ground is covered.

I didn’t attend last month’s meeting (for a stupid reason) and have been amazed by how much I missed it. The meetings motivate me to do what I “should be” doing. If for no other reason, I’d keep going just to be able to talk with people who know what I’m going through.

I had an “ah ha” moment last night. The theme of the meeting was Personal Accountability; accepting responsibility for everything we put in our mouths and for our choice to exercise or not. It was the perfect theme for me.

Peggy, the group leader, told us a story. She had strictly kept to the diet guidelines as outlined by her (and mine) doctor for just over a year after her surgery; three meals a day of mostly protein and no snacking. Then one day she saw a solitary peanut in an otherwise empty bowl at work. Without thinking, she ate the peanut. A day or two later, she ate a few more peanuts from the now full bowl, rationalizing that the one peanut the other day hadn’t derailed her weight loss, neither would these. Within no time, she was back to her old snacking ways – all the things she hadn’t eaten in months she now ate because every time she ate something new, she rationalized that the item she ate the day before hadn’t killed her, this wouldn’t either.

I totally recognized this in myself. I’ve slowly become more permissive in the things I’ll allow myself to eat (though still holding firm to others – ice cream is still a big “no, no” to me). It started with one Hershey’s kiss a day after lunch. Then it worked its way up to two a day. Then it was a tiny slice of chocolate cake at Sunday dinner with my family. Then I ate a slightly larger slice the next time, since the last slice didn’t stop me from losing weight. Slowly, I’ve started eating the odd cookie, handful or chips, slice of pizza, and other things that are not a part of my diet plan. Yes, I’m still losing weight, but I’m also re-establishing the habits that got me at my weight dilemma in the first place.

I decided to recommit to avoiding the foods that don’t fill me up, add empty calories into my body, and don’t really make me feel good. There are so many good foods that will nourish my body, keep me feeling full for hours, and taste delicious - why not enjoy them and forget about that other stuff? Not that I won’t have the occasional treat, but the idea is to make treats the exception instead of the rule – lately they’ve been well on their way to re-establishing themselves as the Rule in my life.

We joked that Peggy’s peanut was the “gateway drug” that led her down more dangerous paths. I looked at my gateway drug – chocolate kisses – and decided to give up my daily dose of chocolate. I’d like to think that someday I’ll be able to have one Hershey’s kiss and not have it lead to other indiscretions, but honestly, I may never be able to.

It’s a price I never realized I’m willing to pay.

Virtual Route #5

2009-04-03T15:56:00.005-06:00

Are you ready to see where I am on my virtual trip to New York City? ( Hint: if not, now's the time to go to another site.)

As always, to get a better view of the route, just click on the picture. This picture is of the most recent leg of my trip. I recently drove this road (December) and remember thinking how pretty it was. In this virtual trip, I'm almost to the point where it started to snow and became really slippery (Glenwood Springs). While towing a 40ft trailer, "snow" and "slippery" combined with "mountain pass" are not fun words.

Stats:
Start date of this leg: 3.16.09
# of days traveled: 14
# of lazy days: 4
Miles traveled: 78.9
Hours traveled: 10.3
Calories burned: 3463
Miles 'til NYC: 1936.8

This segment had the most diverse activities of any other segment; I walked, biked, hiked, and swam! This sort of accounts for the lower miles traveled (along with the 4 missed days!) and definitely accounts for the most calories I've ever burned in one segment! Plus, I've been trying to push myself on the bike - going longer or at a harder level - and that has really increased how many calories I burn in one workout. I'm also really excited to get below 2000 miles 'til reaching my destination.

Now, because I want to and because I can, here's a picture of the whole route so far:

I wonder if I can make it to Denver next time? It's something to shoot for!

Finally!

2009-04-02T14:17:00.000-06:00

I finally hit 70 lbs! Even if I would have only lost 1 lb when I weighed myself this morning, I'd be thrilled to finally get off the 68 plateau on which I've been residing for two weeks, but it feels great to hit another benchmark.

Here are the flowers I bought myself this morning:

When I hit 80 lbs, I'm buying tulips even if I have to order them online! I couldn't find them anywhere. Sigh.

I bought this bouquet because it contained daisies (love 'em!) and pretty yellow flowers (love yellow!) and because the vase is square. I don't own any square vases, so it was a big selling point. I'm going to have quite the vase collection if I don't start remembering to take one of my vases with me when I buy flowers!

I pat myself on the back for thinking of flowers as a reward for losing weight; they don't add to my hips, they're pretty, they smell nice, and they make my office feel cheery - perfect!

Doctor Visit #3

2009-04-01T15:48:00.003-06:00

I wasn't looking forward to this visit, quite frankly.

1. I gave in to internal peer pressure and weighed myself on Monday (a week early) and still hadn't lost any weight. It was frustrating. I wondered what my doctor would say when I told him I had been stagnant for two weeks and hadn't lost as much weight as last month.

2. I worried about getting a fill. I kind of thought I needed one but really didn't want a repeat of last month when solid food wouldn't stay down. That was one of the worst nights of my life.

I almost canceled the appointment. The only reason I didn't was the realization that I haven't felt much restriction from my band since I went back last month and had some saline taken out. Most of the month, I thought it was just because I was in a good eating groove and wasn't eating enough to make me feel the band. Then I went to Las Vegas last weekend and had a meal that was a good deal bigger than I should have been able to eat. I kept the appointment.

I'm glad I did. It's nice to have a professional to talk to about my worries and about what's happening. Dr. S asked me all the usual questions then asked if I wanted a fill. I told him why I thought I should (the bigger meals, feeling no restriction, not losing any weight for two weeks) and why I worried about getting a fill (the Red zone). He advised that he put back most of the saline that was taken out last month and told me that the band isn't static; just because it's a good tightness for a month or more doesn't mean it will stay in the Green zone permanently. Also, just because a fill made me go into the Red zone one month doesn't mean it will make me the next month or in a couple months. Yeah, I don't totally get it either, but he knows what he's talking about, and I trust him.

As a precaution, I brought a small piece of leftover steak to eat after the fill; I didn't want to get home and realize the band was too tight and have to go back (remember, my doctor's office is 45 minutes away). The steak went down without a hitch. And, just that little bit kept me from feeling hungry for a few hours! Awesome!

Dr. S was very pleased with my weight loss results. He considers 4-8 lbs a month a good amount to lose, so my 9 lb loss (according to his scale) in slightly less than a month is fine. He said he'd worry if I lost 15+ lbs or less than 4 lbs (at this point in time). He congratulated me on regularly exercising and comforted me by saying that plateaus are normal and counseled not to get discouraged and give up my good habits.

Have I mentioned how much I like Dr. S? He has a great doctor personality; encouraging, caring, and friendly, but professional and trustworthy, too. I didn't really research my surgeon before the surgery (just went off a referral), so I'm very grateful that he's as good as he is.

My next appointment is May 13th. At first I thought I would get tired of having monthly appointments, but for now I'm happy because things can really change in a month.

Staying Motivated

2009-03-23T16:34:00.000-06:00

I weigh myself every day.

I've read that I shouldn't weigh myself that often because weight fluctuates from day to day, but I do it anyway. I'm a rebel.

However, I've noticed that I get frustrated when my weight loss hits a plateau. It happened to me around 45 lbs. Nothing I did seemed to make any difference, my body refused to give up more than 45 lbs for almost 2 weeks. Right now I'm at 68 lbs lost and have been for a week. I keep telling myself it's ok; I lost almost 7 lbs in one week, so maybe my body is just adjusting to that weight loss before it loses any more. No matter what I say, I still feel frustrated. Quite frankly, seeing the numbers on the scale get smaller has been my major motivation for doing what I'm suppose to be doing.

Last night, in bed, trying to go to sleep because I had to wake up a couple hours earlier than normal but unable to because my brain wouldn't shut off, I decided that I need to weigh myself less and refocus on other motivations for staying with the changes I've made since having surgery. There are several. For example:

1. Looking better. Yesterday, I had Sunday dinner at my dad's house and saw my step-grandfather for the first time since having surgery. His reaction to how I look was priceless! He kept saying how lovely I look, how much slimmer my face is, how I "glow", etc. I've wondered recently if people just say I look thinner because they know I've lost over 60 lbs, but his reaction was definitely not an act - not that other people were acting - he could obviously see I looked different. It felt nice. More than nice.

2. Hiking. I went hiking with my mom, nephew, and niece Saturday and was amazed by how easily I walked along the path compared to last year or even the year before. A few times I even speed-walked while competing with my nephew and niece to be the "leader" and didn't even feel out-of-breath! On the return trip, my nephew wanted me to carry him because his feet hurt. I politely declined then started thinking about how he probably weighs roughly how much weight I've lost. I've been carrying around an 8-year old boy! Then I started to imagine how great I'll feel when I've lost another 60 lbs! Heavens, I'll probably feel like I'm floating when I've lost all my excess weight. It'll be great!

3. "New" Clothes. I don't do fitting rooms when I buy clothes. I either buy my clothes online or at Wal-Mart, and either way, I wait 'til in the comfort of my own home before I find out whether a garment fits me or not. Most times they do, but sometimes they don't. Most times I return the item when it doesn't fit, but sometimes I don't. I'm not sure why. Anyway, I have a stock of clothes that I've bought in my size throughout the years but that didn't fit so they've sat in my closet collecting dust. Now they fit! This weekend, I wore three shirts and a pair of capris that used to be too small but now fit perfectly. Woohoo! The capris were especially motivating because for the first time in ages, I felt like my waist and hips didn't stick out as much as they used to. I felt a little more...streamlined, for lack of a better word. In addition to knowing that I fit into these smaller clothes (though the same size I've worn for years), it made my pocketbook happy to know that items for which I've spent money are finally being put to good use.

4. Feeling better. I feel better than I have in years, probably since the last time I was at this weight, which was eight or nine years ago. Exercising, eating healthy, and accomplishing weight loss goals makes me feel good. I feel happier, more able to deal with problems, and I sleep better (usually). And, I'm seriously getting addicted to the feeling I get after riding my bike. My legs ache, my heart is pumping, sweat is sliding down my neck, back, and forehead, and I feel like I can fly. Nothing seems impossible when I step off my bike. It's a great feeling.

So, I'm hiding my scale when I get home and not getting on it for two weeks. Even as I typed that sentence, my mind shouted "NO!" but I'm going to do it anyway. Numbers on the scale are important, but so are all the other benefits of losing weight and getting healthy. And, I think those other benefits will help me stay motivated when things get tough and I feel like quitting.

Deep breath.

I'm going to miss my scale, though! *blinking away mock tears*

Virtual Route 4

2009-03-16T15:01:00.003-06:00

Happy Trails, Everyone!

It's another installment of "Where Is She Now", otherwise known as my virtual route to New York City. Here's my progress to date:

You can't tell when the picture is this small, but I'm finally in Colorado and just passed Grand Junction; accomplishing my goal for this segment! Woohoo!

Here are the stats:
Start date of this section: 2.28.09
# of days traveled: 10
Miles traveled: 68.6
Hours traveled: 5.3
Calories burned: 2296
Miles 'til NYC: 2015.7

I missed a lot of days during this two-week section, partially due to traveling for work and partially due to being crazy-sick last week. That said, I'm proud that I didn't miss a day for any other reason, like not wanting to exercise. :)

I've bumped up my bike ride from level 2 to level 3 - this has increased the number of calories I burn and increases how far I ride during a 25-minute workout. My legs really feel the difference. Not wanting to neglect my arms, I bought two 5-lb weights and do a few reps of different arm exercises while I ride. So, overall, despite the several missed days, I feel really good about how I'm doing.

'Til Next Time!

61 Pounds Lighter!

2009-03-09T15:22:00.000-06:00

I have lost 61 lbs! Woohoo!

I actually hit 61 lbs last Thursday but didn't count it because the day before had been the hellish Red zone day and I'd abnormally lost 5 lbs. I left for Wyoming Thursday night and haven't had a chance to weigh myself until this morning. Needless to say, I'm thrilled that I have reached that goal - even after being on the road all weekend!

As promised, I bought myself flowers this morning as a reward for losing another 10 lbs. Here's a picture of the bouquet I bought:

I really wanted a vase full of white daisies, but Albertson's only had mixed flowers. They're pretty, pleasantly fragrant, and certainly liven up my office. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE getting flowers? Even when I get them for myself, I love it! They are cheery and Spring-y. Tucked away in my little office, without a window, I can fool myself into thinking it's Spring and not threatening to snow outside.

Speaking of being on the road - a BIG thank you to everyone who suggested Go-gurts! I took a couple boxes with me - in a cooler - and they were perfect! I ate them for breakfasts, for snacks, and for desserts. I especially enjoy them frozen! Mmmm. My favorite was Strawberry Milkshake.

Speaking of rewards, I've decided what I'll do as a reward when I hit 75 lbs - I'm going blond! I can't remember how long it's been since I've been blond, a couple years at least. I'm planning on going back to my current hair color in the Fall because I really like it, but it'll be fun to have a change for a few months. Once I have it done, I'll post a picture, of course, so stay tuned!

The Red Zone

2009-03-05T15:51:00.000-07:00

*Maybe not the best read if you have a sensitive stomach. I'm just saying.

Yesterday, I had my monthly appointment with my surgeon. I woke up in a great mood - it was sunny outside, I felt like a million bucks, and life seemed wonderful.

To add to my joy, my doctor was actually on time for the appointment - woohoo! We discussed how the previous month had gone for me, and he expressed his satisfaction with the weight I have lost so far. He asked me bunches of questions; do I get heartburn (no), do I vomit (no), how much of my diet is protein (70% or so), do I exercise (yes), what (walk/ride my bike), how often (5-7 days a week), etc.

He asked me if I wanted my band filled. In each of his rooms, there is a little chart that distinguishes the three "zones" of band filling. The first zone is Yellow. In this zone, you get hungry easily, eat "large" meals or snack constantly, and go looking for food. The second zone is Green. In this zone, satiety lasts at least 4 hours, you eat 2-3 meals a day that are 1/2 - 3/4 cup, and are able to eat solid proteins. The last zone is Red. While in this zone, you can't eat solid proteins, only liquids. You have heartburn and vomit if you eat anything. The goal is to be in the Green zone.

I decided I was in the last part of the Yellow zone and explained why - my meals are slowly getting larger than 3/4 cup. He agreed to fill my band just a little. Usually, a nurse practitioner does the fill, but they were both gone so he did it. What a difference! He found the port quickly and didn't show me the needles (thank heavens!) before sticking me with them. It was over before I knew it. He had me drink some water, and everything seemed perfectly fine, so I scheduled my April appointment and drove home.

When I got to work, I worked for a bit and at lunch time heated up my piece of chicken. I ate it while working, never a good idea, but tried to keep to the regulations - small bites, chew thoroughly, and pay attention to feelings of fullness. Before I finished, I started to feel full, so I stopped. The fullness increased to pain. A lot of pain. I couldn't breath so I left the office and went into the bathroom across the hall. I couldn't swallow my spit, the fullness in my chest was so painful. Eventually, I vomited up spit. The two other times I've overeaten, this step has reduced the fullness and I've quickly felt better. Not this time. It reduced the pain but it slowly increased again until I thought my chest would burst. Then I vomited spit again. This happened numerous times - too many to count - for a couple hours. Finally, more than spit came out. None of my lunch had made it through the band. At this point, the day was almost over but I was relieved to start feeling better.

As you might guess, I was in no hurry to eat again, so I didn't eat dinner until around 6:30. I hoped that maybe I had just eaten too much too quickly at lunch and that is what had caused the bad reaction. I made chicken breasts and cut one in half for my dinner. Not wanting a repeat of lunch, I ate very slowly, chewed my food 'til it was practically pureed, and ate tiny bites. Well, after just a few bites, I felt that same fullness from lunch. The next few hours were a repeat of my afternoon. Basically, it was hell. I called my doctor's office and left a message saying I'd be in the next day to get some of the saline out of my band, then called my office to let my coworker know I'd be in late. Fortunately, I felt much better by the time I went to bed - just after 11pm - so was able to get a decent night's sleep.

I awoke this morning feeling great. Maybe I wouldn't need to go down afterall, I hoped. I hopped on my bike and 5 minutes into it, took a sip of water. As needed, I'd take another sip. After 10 minutes, the fullness was back! I'd only had water! I stopped riding after 15 minutes because the pain was coming back, too. It was discouraging to know that even water wasn't making its way through the band. No wonder food caused me so much pain! I hurried to get ready and left for the doctor's office.

I was so hungry and thirsty by the time I arrived. And, did I mention that I'm PMSing? I am. So, I wasn't in the best emotional state when they told me that no one was there who could take some saline out of my band. I'd have to wait 30 minutes. No problem. Then they said no one would be there 'til this afternoon. I started to cry. I explained that I'm leaving for WY today for work and have lots to do to get ready and I can't go another day without eating or drinking water. Yeah, I cried. Not proud of it, but I did. The office staff was awesome! They quickly found someone who could come asap and kept comforting me. I was so embarrassed. While we waited, they weighed me again - I had lost 5 pounds in one day, no food or water will do that, I guess - and took my blood pressure, etc.

Finally, a nurse practitioner arrived and took out 75% of what my doctor had put in. We talked about it beforehand and decided to take most of it out to make sure I wouldn't have any issues while in WY but left some in to hopefully give me the help I needed to reduce my meal sizes. She admitted to being new to the process, and I could tell. It took her a long time to find the port and sometimes I felt pain despite the numbing stuff she'd injected. She'd apologize but I'd brush it off and thank her for being there. And, really, I'd suffer the pain gladly to get that saline out! She had me take a couple big gulps of water to make sure it felt better and suggested I eat something before leaving town to see if I could eat. I ate some peanuts when I got to my car and they went down fine. My lunch went fine, too, and I'm able to drink water. Also, I think the band is just tight enough to help me eat smaller meals. I think I'm finally in the Green zone. Woohoo!

Thank heavens I'm not in the Red zone anymore. That was NOT fun! According to my doctor, some people stay in the Red zone on purpose because they think it will help them lose weight faster. In reality, they start drinking high calorie liquids or eat easy-to-eat foods like ice cream and end up gaining weight instead. Honestly, I'd rather lose an ounce a week than go through another day like that. It was so miserable!

It certainly makes me hesitant to get another fill any time soon! *shudder* Hopefully, I'll stay in the Green zone for a long time!

Virtual Route 3

2009-02-27T15:29:00.003-07:00

I finally have time to post the latest progress on my virtual trip to New York. Here it is:

As you can see, I didn't quite make it to the Colorado border, but I came awfully close! I feel good about my progress, especially since I missed a couple days (cousins weekend) and walked two days (less miles when I walk).

Start date of this section: 2.9.09
Number of days traveled: 16 - remember I missed some days
Miles traveled: 110.4
Hours traveled: 9.0
Calories burned: 2924 - doesn't include calories burned while walking
Miles 'til New York City: 2084.3

My plan is to start riding my bike in the morning and walking in the evenings once Daylight Savings starts. It'll be light enough for me to walk after work. I enjoy both activities, so I want to do both.

Last Saturday, I walked for the first time in many months and was a little nervous about how I'd feel. I walked my favorite route - from my house to the cemetery, all around the cemetery, then home again. Even when I used to walk that route three or four times a week, it was really hard walking to the cemetery because of the incline and my legs would start to burn. It would be tempting to give up and go back home.

I prepared for this feeling, but it never came. It wasn't exactly easy - my legs were still working hard - but it was a lot easier than it used to be! Losing over 50 lbs must help a lot, but I bet that riding my bike so much for the last couple months has conditioned my legs and now they're a lot stronger. It was a small, but happy, victory.

Me: February 2009

2009-02-12T16:17:00.004-07:00

Okay, here's the picture that I promised you yesterday. I actually took it on Saturday, so it was before I had technically lost 50 lbs, but I'm not in the mood to take another picture. I took this picture to show Adam what I looked like after my hair had been in curlers. Maybe someday I'll show you the first picture I sent him - me with no makeup and curlers in my hair. It was funny.

Anyway, here's the picture:

Sorry it's a little fuzzy. I guess I'm not very good at taking pictures of myself with my cell phone. Maybe there's a class somewhere...

That teddy bear you see in the background? That's the teddy bear Anthony gave me last year for Valentine's Day. His name is Norman and this Saturday he'll be 1. I sleep with him every night because he's soft.

5 - 0

2009-02-11T14:15:00.001-07:00

As of this morning, I have lost 50 lbs!

It feels great to have lost that much weight. I feel wonderful. I feel lighter. I have more energy and want to be more active.

My clothes fit great, mostly. I've had most of my clothes for a long time and wore them even though they were getting tighter as I gained weight. Now, they fit the way they were meant to, though even some of the clothes I've had for years are beginning to be too loose. For example, on Monday I wore a pair of black pants that I haven't been able to wear comfortably for over a year. Not only do they fit comfortably now, they're bordering on being too baggy - especially in the legs. Woohoo! Some of my more recent clothes purchases are too big - sob - my favorite blue shirt! I still wear them but probably not for much longer.

At my support group last week, one of the things mentioned was finding non-food ways to reward ourselves for doing well. I've been thinking about ways and have decided that to celebrate losing 50 lbs, I'm going to buy myself jewelry. A necklace, specifically. Maybe this weekend my cousins won't mind going shopping with me to pick something out! I'm not thinking something terribly expensive, but not really something you'd get at Walmart, either. I'm excited! I've discovered that I quite like jewelry, particularly necklaces, and I wear one almost every day.

After this, I'm going to buy myself flowers for every 10 lbs I lose. Just a little arrangement from Albertson's to put on my kitchen table or in my office. I like flowers even more than necklaces. They are so cheerful.

When I've lost another 25 lbs, I'm going to get a manicure/pedicure. I'm still not sure I'll like a pedicure, but I'm willing to give it a try.

I'm still working out the details for when I've lost 100 lbs and for when I've reached my "goal weight". Maybe more jewelry or a party or something. Fortunately, I don't have to know right away.

Thank you, everyone, for being so supportive! It has really been helpful to know that there are people who care about me and want me to be healthy and happy. You guys rock!

P.S. I had planned on posting a picture of me at this point, but it'll have to wait a bit. I don't have a picture of me! I'll work on getting a current picture to post a.s.a.p.

Virtual Route 2

2009-02-09T17:05:00.000-07:00

I really like this idea of a virtual route. (Thanks, again, Sarah!)

It doesn't really motivate me to actually exercise, I'm already pretty motivated, but it definitely motivates me to record how much I've exercised. Otherwise, I'd just huff and puff away and not know how far I'd gone, how many calories I'd burned, etc.

Here's my updated route:

Again, I know it's small, feel free to click on it to enlarge it.

Here's a rundown of stats, because it's fun for me:

Start date (of this section): January 29, 2009
# of days traveled: 11
Miles traveled: 74.1
Hours traveled: 5.25
Calories burned: 2022
Miles left to go 'til NYC: 2194.7

Please don't think that just because there were 11 days for each interval that I did it on purpose and will always have 11 days for each interval. It's totally a coincidence. Basically, I'll just do it when I have the time and inclination to go on Google Earth. :)

I noticed that I spent less time on my bike these 11 days than the previous 11 days. Huh. Good to know. My ideal is to bike in the morning and in the evening, but there were too many days that I only biked once. However, unlike last time, I didn't skip a single day - I rode my bike every day. Woohoo! Also, I'm going faster. What used to be my "all out" pace (I go as fast as I can for 3 minutes towards the end of my ride), is now my normal pace. I used to burn 120 calories for 20 minutes, now it's over 130.

Nice.

My goal for next time is to cross into Colorado!

Support Group - February

2009-02-05T16:04:00.000-07:00

I wonder if it will always be an internal struggle to attend my support group meetings. I look forward to it for a week, then the night of, I have to talk myself into going.

Monday night, it didn't help that I stayed late at work trying to fix a glitch with my phone - it wasn't receiving emails and I really like that it normally does. I finally got it working again around 6:30 and the support group started at 7:00. I had a little meat leftover from lunch, so I ate it, trying to decide what to do. A movie across the way tempted me. Going home and changing into my sweats tempted me. I finally decided on the movie and popped a Hershey's Kiss into my mouth (our FedEx driver gave a bag of Kisses to my coworker and me).

The Kiss changed my mind. I had rationalized eating it by saying that at least I was only eating one. Before my surgery I would have had more. I've been rationalizing a lot lately - especially Super Bowl Sunday when I ate more carbs in 5 hours than I had in over a month! I ate considerably less than I normally would have, but I definitely did not stick to my prescribed diet.

I changed directions and drove to the library instead of the theater. The whole time, I still had to convince myself to go. I know what I need to do to lose weight, I'd argue. Yes, but you're not doing it as well as you could. You need support, not just knowledge. This will keep you motivated. The angel on my shoulder won out. Thankfully.

The night's topic was self-talk, wouldn't ya know. The leader told us some of the things she says to herself and how she'd never let someone else get away with saying those things to her and that she certainly would never say them to anyone! I don't think I have a lot of negative self-talk, thankfully, but it does exist. Certain times are worse than others. Certain events bring it out - like my boss wanting to set me up on a blind date. I say to myself, I bet I know what he'll think when he sees me! or something along those lines.

We discussed ways to keep our internal conversations positive and to break the habit of negative self-talk. I came away with two things I'm going to do.

1. Love notes to myself. Okay, not really "love notes", but little sticky notes that have positive things about myself where I'll see them often. One lady puts sticky notes all over her mirror. I'm going to put some on the monitor of my exercise bike. I know it sounds corny, but it's worth a try.

2. Two things I did well today. Every night, before going to bed, I'm going to say out loud (to myself) two things that I am proud of myself for doing/being/etc. For example, Monday night, I said I was proud of myself for going to the meeting and for riding my bike for a record 35 minutes in one session! Woohoo!

The instructor said that she's going to start saying "Stop!" out loud every time she catches herself saying negative things to herself. I'm going to hold off on doing that - it's a little extreme for me. Maybe if my negative self-talk get worse I'll do it. That's good motivation to nip the bad self-talk in the bud early!

I was right, I didn't learn anything new about what I should be doing to lose weight, but I was also right in that it re-motivated me to keep doing the things I'm doing right and to recommit to doing other things better. It keeps me focused on my goal. I'm so independent, sometimes it's hard to need help, to admit that I can't do it by myself. I'm trying to learn that needing a support group doesn't make me weak or incapable. It's just another tool to help me.

Now, will someone please remind me of this next month when I'm trying to talk myself into going to the support group? Please!

Virtual Route 1

2009-01-29T15:45:00.006-07:00

My friend, Sarah, came up with the idea of tracking exercise by traveling a virtual route from one place to another. I loved it and asked if I could copy the idea; she benevolently said I could. My goal is to go from my home town to the Empire State Building in New York City. I started last Monday; it will be interesting to see how long it takes me to get there. Like Sarah, I'll be tracking whatever exercise I do. Though now I'm only riding my stationary bike, when the weather gets warmer I hope to walk and swim as well. And hike.

Here's my virtual route so far:

I know it's kind of hard to see, but you can click on it to see it better. If you want. In case you don't want to, here's a summary:

Start date: January 18, 2009
# of "travel" days: 11
Miles traveled: 87.2
Hours traveled: 6.25
Calories burned: 2343
Miles left to go: 2268.8

New York City, here I come!

Doctor, Doctor

2009-01-26T15:34:00.001-07:00

Today, I had my first post-op appointment with my doctor.

It should have been my second, but last time I failed to turn on my alarm after setting it and slept late, missing my appointment. No biggie, I was feeling fine and dandy at the time so was happy to forgo the expense of driving south.

Instead, I waited to drive down in a snow storm. Woohoo! I woke up at 6 this morning to ride my bike before getting ready to go. I listened to the radio while getting ready and the announcer kept warning people to stay home if planning to drive on the freeway. Had I not missed my first appointment, I probably would have climbed back into bed (after riding my bike) and slept some more before calling to reschedule today's appointment. As it was, I kept the appointment. I'm not scared of a little snow! And, once I got through a certain pass, the roads were fine the rest of the way. And, there weren't a lot of cars on the road, which was nice.

I made it to my appointment on time (I plan ahead), but my doctor didn't (he must not). I hate waiting for doctors no matter what but especially when I'm their first patient. I can sort of understand that sometimes they have patients that take longer than expected, but I honestly believe that there are few times when a doctor should be late for their first patient. It's a sore spot with me because my boss is always late for his first patient and I think it's rude. At least Dr. S apologized for being late (my boss rarely does) and explained that he hadn't slept well the night before. What an excuse. He's lucky I was in a good mood and am such a nice person.

He asked me bunches of questions; how many meals a day do I eat, how frequently do I snack, how much water do I drink, do I exercise - what, how long, how frequently, do my bodily functions seem to be in working order, how much of my diet is protein, etc. He seemed pleased by my answers and suggested holding off on a fill 'til next month. I said that would be ok because I seem to be losing weight fairly consistently except I get hungry quickly. I eat a small amount of food and feel really full, but the fullness only lasts an hour and a half or so. Last week, I really struggled to not snack between meals because I felt hungry almost all the time. He nodded his head and said that a fill would definitely help. I told him of my worry that the band would be too tight and I wouldn't be able to eat solid protein, but he assuaged my worry by recommending "just" 2 cc's of saline.

He left to get the "fill nurse" (not their label, mine), telling me to be sure to come back before the next appointment (in a month) if I get any of the symptoms that come with having a too-tight band. Autumn, the fill nurse, came in and we chatted a little to become acquainted. She assured me that she'd explain the filling procedure while she went so I would know what was happening. I asked if there was any way I could get her to not because I didn't want to know. She laughed. She thought I was joking. I wasn't.

I laid down on the "bed" and adjusted my clothing so she could access the port. To my relief/delight, my breasts obstructed my view of the area in which she would be working, so I wouldn't be tempted to see what was going on. Not that the temptation would be great - so small, in fact, that a dust mite could step over it without breaking a sweat.

I commented on this fact, unfortunately, as she then felt the need to show me everything before using them. By everything, I mean the two needles. The first was to inject an anesthetic into the area to get it nice and numb. It poked a little going in (thank heavens I didn't have to watch) and burned as it spread, but soon I was nice and numb. Had she not shown me the second needle, I would have been sitting pretty. It was long. And thick. And curved at the end. It scared me. A lot. Bleh. *shudder*

Thank heavens for numbness and big breasts. I had no idea when she inserted the needle until she told me it was in the port. Couldn't feel the saline being injected. Didn't see the needle come out or the tiny spot of blood that arose from the puncture mark. Of course, she told me everything so I wasn't in the dark as much as I would've liked, but life isn't perfect, is it? After applying the Band-Aid, Autumn sat me up and had me sip some bottled water. Evidently, sometimes people get their band so tight that even water can't make it through. I noticed a difference immediately - the water didn't flow as easily as before, but it made it down. That was that. My first fill.

I scheduled my next appointment and was out of there. As a reward for a) being so brave through the fill and b) losing 44 lbs AND because I spilled chocolate in milk in my old one, I stopped at Target and bought a new purse. I wanted a yellow one so much. I crossed my fingers as I walked into the store, hoping they had a cute yellow one. They did. It was the last one that color in that style and I love it.

The drive home started off quite well despite the numbness fading and soreness setting in. The road was clear most of the way, which was a nice treat, but they got really bad before I got home. At times, I wouldn't have known where to drive had there not been a car in front of me. Had they gone off the side of the road, I would have soon followed. Well, probably not because I believe in following at a safe distance, but you know what I mean - I followed in their tracks. I made it home safely, and by home, I mean work. It's still snowing, so no one has come in. Our patients don't brave snow for something so trivial as their hearing.

Eating lunch was like eating right after my surgery. I had slowly started eating bigger bites of food without a problem, but today I had to go back to eating really small bites. And, I had to wait in between bites to determine how that bite affected me; could I eat another bite, how full was I feeling, was I finished? Three hours later, I still feel full. It's great. Before, I would have been starving by now. Woohoo! I wasn't going to get a fill, but now I'm glad I did.

New Support Group

2009-01-14T14:57:00.004-07:00

Before my surgery, I discovered that there is a weight loss surgery support group here in my home town. I was told it was small and still developing, so I wasn't sure if I'd attend it. I had really enjoyed the support group I attended in November in SG and had learned a lot. I wondered if I'd get enough support from a fledgling group. My frugal side argued that I could save money by attending the local group. If I felt it wasn't supporting me enough, I could switch to the SG group.

Last Monday, I attended my first meeting with the local group. It meets at the library, which pleases me because I'm always looking for an excuse to go to the library. I've decided to grab a couple books or so after every meeting. Woohoo! My informant was correct, it was a small group - the leader, her husband, two others, and me. As the newbie, lots of attention was focused on me. Fortunately, I don't mind being the center of attention for awhile.

The group leader, Peggy, had gastric bypass and within 9 months had lost 150 pounds! She still has a bit more to lose, especially since she gained 25 pounds back. Gaining some weight back motivated her to start attending the SG support group, but she grew tired of traveling south every month, so she became certified as a leader and started the group here a few months ago. She's really nice and funny. Her husband comes along to support her - he hasn't had weight loss surgery (WLS).

The other two members in attendance were Paul and Maylene. Paul had gastric bypass 8 years ago and lost 90 pounds. In 8 years he's put 10 pounds back on, spurring his attendance at the group - he's still overweight and would like to lose the 10 pounds plus more. Maylene has the band and had it put on in Mexico 1 1/2 years ago. She went from 202 lbs to 135 (her goal weight) and hasn't put any weight back on. Since we had the same procedure, Maylene and I chatted afterwards and she offered to answer any questions I have.

For part of the meeting, we discussed topics we'd like to cover throughout the year. I suggested Creative Cooking and Nutrition and WLS (something that really concerns me). We're also going to have speakers discuss exercising (someone is going to teach us yoga!), dealing with saboteurs, emotional changes with weight loss, setting goals, and a whole slew of other topics I can't recall right now.

The rest of the meeting involved discussing challenges we're facing right now. I wasn't facing any, so I listened to the others, taking notes on the suggestions for coping because I'm sure someday I'll be facing the same challenges. At the time I didn't know I'd be going on a work trip, or I would've asked for suggestions to help me drive without eating!

I decided I kind of like that it's a small group. I felt very welcomed and not just another person among 30 who could come and go without being noticed. We're going to plan activities outside of the meetings like walking the canyon trail, learning line dancing, and miniature golf. I think it will be a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone better, supporting each other, and learning more.

Driving and Eating, Eating and Driving

2009-01-12T15:56:00.003-07:00

To me, they go hand in hand, like peanut butter and jelly or Oreos and milk or...(trying to think of something unrelated to food)...or...pen and paper (aha!).

Not that I grew up eating in the car a lot. Mostly, I slept on our family trips, making the journey seem shorter. However, since sleeping while I drive isn't an option nowadays, I eat. I tried to eat healthy food while driving, but looking back on last year's plethora of trips, I definitely fit in a lot of unhealthy food. Seriously, whenever I'd stumble across a bag of mint crispy M&Ms I'd buy at least two bags - one for immediate consumption and the other for the next day. I'd eat out at diners (heavens, I still remember that delicious bacon, lettuce, tomato, and egg sandwich in Guernsey!), fast food, corn dogs at Flying J, and the occasional bag of chips. Even my "healthy" choices were nutritionally-lacking; licorice, pretzels, and sunflower seeds.

After my surgery, I figured I'd have awhile to figure out what I would do once I started driving again. I certainly didn't expect to get a job offer on my second day back to work! I panicked a little, not knowing what I would eat, how I'd stay awake, and if I would have the energy needed to get through a day of testing.

I consulted with my mom and she suggested almonds (good fats and protein) and string cheese. I bought both and caved in and bought a bag of BBQ sunflower seeds, too, just in case. (It's unbelievable how much they help me fight off fatigue!) Oh, and a bag of cinnamon hard candy to relieve my sweet tooth. Oh, and water. A big bottle of water because I get thirsty very easily nowadays. Finally, I brought along my leftover pork medallions for meals. I didn't want them to go to waste and they're the perfect size!

When I set out, I made a pact with myself to only eat when I was 1) physically hungry and not just bored and 2) going to fall asleep if I didn't. It worked quite well really. No mindless snacking. The two books on CD that Mom loaned me helped a lot, too. They were really interesting and kept my mind occupied. The pork gave me two healthy dinners then I had to throw the rest out because my Casper hotel didn't have a fridge. I ended up settling on Chicken Selects from McD's because I couldn't think of what else to buy. I ate one a meal. I've gotta say, I'm going to save a bundle on food now!

I did make some unwise choices, though. The hotel offered chocolate chip cookies at the desk. When I checked in, I took one. It took me a long time to eat it, but it was so good! The next night, I stopped by the desk and had another one. I couldn't finish it, but what I ate was divine. The last night, they didn't offer any cookies. I was so looking forward to one that I bought a package of Hostess cupcakes from the vending machine right next to my room. I could only eat 1/2 at a time, but throughout the night, I ate both cupcakes. I was so sick!!! Now the thought of them makes me want to puke. If only they would have had a cookie available! Really, if only I would have been strong at first and not taken the first cookie! I learned a lesson, though, I need to give myself healthy sweet options for after dinner or I'll turn to less healthy options. I wish I could say I'll never want dessert again, but I'm not there. I may never be there. At home I have sugar-free popsicles and sugar-free jello. When I'm out at a job, I'll need to come up with something so I don't eat cupcakes again. (Though I don't think it'll be cupcakes again. Bleh!)

All in all, though, I think I did fairly well. I even managed to exercise every day! Most of the time, I just walked up and down the hallway several times, but Saturday night I finally discovered where the fitness room was hiding and rode the stationary bike for 20 minutes while watching The Empire Strikes Back. It felt good. I love stationary bike rides.

Weight loss for the week: 4 pounds
Total weight loss: 36 pounds

Back to Life

2009-01-05T16:44:00.002-07:00

Today, I officially returned to the real world. I went back to work after almost 2 weeks off.

It wasn't too bad coming back. My boss isn't in today, so my coworker and I had plenty of time to catch up on our holidays. Also, not a lot of people come in when my boss is gone, giving me plenty of time to take care of a lot of the things that had piled up while I was off.

I hurt, though. Wearing real clothes is uncomfortable after lounging around in sweats and t-shirts for most of the past two weeks. The waist of my skirt hits my most sensitive and biggest incision, causing pain. And, I miss my slippers. They are so warm and comfortable and my "office" is the coldest room at work, so my feet are chilly.

There is big plus, though, about coming back to work. As I've started feeling better, I've started wanting to snack more frequently. My band doesn't get filled for another 2 weeks, so there's nothing keeping the food from going down to my stomach at a fairly normal pace. I can only handle a little less than 1/2 a cup (I've worked on eating about that much) before getting uncomfortably full, but within 2 hours I'm hungry again. At work, there are enough things to keep me busy so I don't think about being hungry. Woohoo! Once my band is filled, I should stay satiated for about 4 hours. I can handle this for 2 more weeks. Heck! I lived off of SlimFast for 10 days - this is easy! At least I get to chew my food!

Speaking of which, yesterday I finally got back in the kitchen and cooked! I made turkey bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin medallions (wow - what a name!) with a maple-mustard sauce. Mmmm. It was so yummy! The medallions aren't very big, smaller than my palm, but I can't eat a whole one. Last night, while talking to my roommates, I wasn't paying attention and almost ate the entire medallion (it was about 2/3 the size of my palm). All of a sudden, my chest started to hurt and I thought I was going to throw up. I had definitely consumed too much. Fortunately, the feeling didn't last long, but it taught me a valuable lesson: Pay attention to what I'm eating!! I took it slower when I had one for lunch today but still couldn't manage to eat the whole thing before starting to feel full. At least I stopped before I started feeling sick.

Even though the past week was pretty nice, laying around and watching tv, reading, and sleeping whenever I felt the urge, I'm glad to be back to normal life. It's great to be back at work, being able to eat, and feeling really good. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Woohoo!

Weight Lost: 34 pounds (give or take a few ounces) as of this morning.

What They Don't Tell You

2009-01-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot of experience with surgery, thank heavens, my only other surgery was on my hand - I broke it playing volleyball in 1995. They gave me a local anesthetic and some pain pills afterward. I didn't even have to have a cast because the screws inside my hand were holding the bones in place; I just had one of those Ace bandages wrapped around a splint. I only took 2 pain pills because I got sick after the second one.

That was my reference point when considering my Lap Band surgery. I figured I'd be up and going shortly afterward and that my body would be more-or-less what it was like beforehand. No one told me differently. These are some things they didn't tell me about life immediately after surgery.

1. Dry Throat. I woke up from the surgery and started talking. Probably not the best idea, but I didn't know better. My throat dried out instantly and it's never recovered. Seriously, to this day, if I talk more than three words in a row or do anything more active than walking to my bedroom, my throat dries out like an overcooked steak.* I carry water with me everywhere to combat dry throat, even to the grocery store!

2. Dry Skin. I never realized how much my shower poof helped my skin! At least, I've never had such dry skin as I did when I was only giving myself sponge baths or using the bar of soap at my mom's house when I was finally able to shower. My legs, stomach, arms, and everywhere else started to get flaky! Bleh! I used lotion, which helped, but now that I'm using a poof again, the dryness is disappearing. Being able to drink more water during the day has helped, too.

3. Loopiness. Pain medicine = drugged. I know that sounds like a "duh" statement, but since I don't really take a lot of pain medicine, I wasn't prepared for its affects. I had a hard time remembering some things, said things that didn't make sense, and sometimes couldn't make sense of what others were saying. I got dizzy easily and was constantly sleepy. I hated feeling that way, hence why I stopped taking it (that and it tasted like the devil).

4. Activity Level. I really felt I'd be up and going fine shortly after my surgery. I knew I was probably jumping the gun a little when I went to Dad's the day after, but I figured that by this week I'd be fairly normal. Nope. Yesterday, I exercised with a 20 minute walking tape, went grocery shopping, then went to a movie with Mom. By the time I made it home, I was in a lot of pain. Enough pain to make me consider taking pain medicine again. I didn't, of course. Bleh! I couldn't believe that such minimal activity could wipe me out this far removed from my surgery. How annoying!

5. Surgery tape. It's a pain. I have 5 incisions, 4 pretty small and 1 big (maybe an inch and a half long), and all 5 were covered with surgery tape. I was told to let the tape come off on its own, no helping it along, and that it should be off within a week to 10 days. Two of the small incisions lost their tape by New Years. The third was so close that I helped it along yesterday. The fourth small incision is really, really close but there are a couple stubborn spots. The big incision's tape sticks like it was put on yesterday. It's going to take a month for it to come off! It wouldn't bug me except the edges start collecting lint and turn dark, and I'm OCD enough that I can't stand less-than-pristine tape. Oh, and the tape smells funny and has since they put it on (not just because it's almost two weeks old).

Have I complained enough yet? Here's a positive one:

6. Eating less. Yes, yes, I had a band put around the top part of my stomach, but it hasn't been filled yet. My surgeon said that some people don't feel any sort of restriction with it on at this point, while others feel just a little restriction. I'm having a hard time wanting to eat anything more than about 1/4 cup of food. I know I need to work myself up to a 1/2 cup so my body is getting more nutrients, but it's hard. I'm enjoying solid food, but after a few bites, I'm ready to stop. I went to a New Years party with lots of yummy-looking food and wasn't even tempted! Amazing.

Weight Lost: 32 lbs, as of Thursday morning.

* I really wrote this post just so I could use this line. Teehee.

Thereafter 'til Now

2008-12-31T11:03:00.001-07:00

For earlier days, scroll down to previous posts. There's one about the day before, the day of, the day after, and Christmas day.

After Christmas Day, things started to improve. The day after Christmas is my brother Corey's birthday, the next day is his daughter Brooke's birthday, and two days later is his wife Audree's birthday. It's a lot of celebrating even when I'm feeling 100%. It was kind of nice to have the excuse of my surgery to take it easy when I needed to, though.

I didn't go to Dad's house on the 26th. I figured they'd just be eating and playing games. I still couldn't eat much, so why do that to myself? I called Dad and explained and of course he totally understood and told me to take it easy. Of course, everyone came to Mom's house for a few hours, so I couldn't totally take it easy 'til they headed to Dad's. Then I relaxed on the couch and "watched tv". Really, I slept. A lot. I couldn't believe how groggy I was! The longest consecutive amount of time I was awake was a little less than an hour. Shiree and Wendy came by at some point but I was dead to the world so they just dropped off a gift - a yummy smelling candle - and said they'd try again the next day. Everyone got back from Dad's that evening and had leftovers at Mom's. I started to hurt, so I went back to Mom's bed. Sarah came by, bringing a poinsettia, and we chatted for a little bit. I have such good friends. I played a game with the family after Sarah left, but couldn't stay awake for long, so I went to bed right after they left. Mom had invited Porter and Brooke over for a sleep-over, so I didn't get to sleep in long. They love to wake me up.

The 27th, I woke up feeling much better. I wasn't as sleepy and not in quite as much pain. It was at this point that I started going longer in between pain medicine. I could barely stand to put the cup to my lips - it was so nasty. I also showered for the first time, Mom's new hand-held shower head making it easy to avoid getting too much water on my healing wounds. I also felt up to putting on makeup and doing my hair myself. I started getting dizzy towards the end but was able to finish. I finally had real solid food - a small, thin slice of ham. It was so yummy! I couldn't finish the slice, but that was okay, it was just nice to have something solid in my stomach finally. Brooke's party was at 2pm at their house, so Mom and I headed out. Kevin got to have Scott again and had picked him up while Mom had taken the kids home around 11. They were playing when Mom and I arrived and it was fun to see how well they all get along. That Scott is so lively and cute. I wish we got to see him more often. We stayed at Corey's house 'til almost 7, leaving only because I was hurting. I refused to take medicine when we got home, though, and was able to relieve the pain by resting on Mom's bed for awhile. Corey's family came to Mom's shortly after we had arrived. They played games while I chatted with Shiree and Wendy, who had come back to visit. I got out of bed to walk them to the door and because I hadn't walked enough that day and my shoulder hurt like heck. I played with the kids a bit then they left and I went to bed.

I had horrible nightmares that night. The only one I remember now caused me to wake up in the middle of the night panicked because Emily Post was trying to take over the world. I couldn't breath I was so worried. The panic wouldn't dispel, so I turned on the bedside lamp and the tv to distract me. Eventually I fell asleep again, only to wake up more times, scared. I wondered if I was having bad dreams because I was in quite a bit of pain, so I broke down and took some pain med. I slept fine the rest of the night.

Sunday the 28th was a quiet day. No one's birthday. Kevin played games at Corey's house 'til noon then headed for home, so Mom and I had the house to ourselves. We enjoyed it most of the day, but by evening we were getting bored. We tried watching a movie but neither of us could get into it. We played a game her sister had given her and really enjoyed it. Then we read and watched tv. It was really relaxing and I'm sure the rest did my body good. I didn't want to, but in hopes of avoiding nightmares, I took some pain medicine before going to bed. It worked and I slept soundly more or less - changing positions still woke me up a few times but I was able to go back to sleep quickly.

Audree's birthday was the 29th. It was also the day I had set for me to move home. My mom was an excellent nurse the whole time I stayed with her. When I couldn't do things for myself, she was there to do it for me. However, she also knew when I wanted to start doing things myself and let me, even pushed me a little. I really appreciate how well she took care of me. It was time to go home, though. I love my home so much and was really missing it. She and I loaded up her car with most of my stuff and then she carried it up my stairs. I helped as much as she'd let me, which wasn't a lot, but I carried as much as she'd give me. She made sure I was settled, then she headed home. It was nice to sit in my home and relax. I overdid myself, of course, by putting away my Christmas decoration s and sweeping off my front porch which was littered with snow salt. So, I watched tv the rest of the afternoon 'til Mom picked me up for Audree's birthday party. Her birthday marks the last day of the week-long party after party that is Christmastime. We didn't stay long because Audree had siblings there that she doesn't see very much and we wanted to give her time to focus on them. Corey and Jason had put together my tv stand, so when Mom and I left, they brought it to my condo after a pit stop at Mom's to pick up my bar stools. Jason stayed after Corey left and helped Mom and me rearrange my living room to fit my new stand. I really like the result. Slowly, my home is becoming more like what I envision it becoming. The rest of the night I had to myself. It was lovely. I opted to not take any pain medicine and didn't regret my decision that night - no nightmares. I haven't taken any since Sunday and don't plan on taking it ever again. Thank Heavens!

Yesterday was perfect. I was feeling the best I had since my surgery. There's still pain, but not enough to warrant pain med. It just reminds me to eat carefully, to move carefully, and to keep walking around. The gas and resulting shoulder pain are gone finally. I decided it was time to write about the experience, so I spent most of the day writing posts. It kept me so preoccupied that I didn't eat. I had about 1/3 of a Yoplait yougurt for breakfast then didn't think about eating again until 3pm. I finished the final 1/3 (I ate the first 1/3 the night before for dinner), then had a little cottage cheese. Mom brought over leftover ham, clam chowder, and chicken. I had about 1/5 of the chicken breast for dinner - about 6pm or so - and was full! I didn't eat again until just before 9 when I treated myself to a sugar-free popsicle. It was a really nice day. I didn't go anywhere. I wrote a lot, read a little, watched a little tv, and I put things away and decorated a bit. I also talked a lot on the phone. All in all, definitely the best I'd felt for a week.

Today, I've set a few goals for myself. I'm going to finish blogging, then put in a walking cd. I need to start exercising a little every day now that I'm feeling better. Mom has offered to pay for a few months of a gym membership. After some thought, I've decided to take her up on her offer. I love my stationary bike, but I need to strength train, too. I'm going to put all my dvds into the tv stand cupboards, sweep off my stairs - darn snow salt! - and finish putting away my stuff from the stay at Mom's. I have no New Year's Eve plans. It's not a big deal unless you have someone to kiss at midnight, so I'm not expecting to do much. Maybe Mom will come over and watch a movie. Maybe I'll just read. Who knows. I feel really good. A cold might be coming on, but I think resting will thwart its advance. Only one wound still hurts with any force but even it is feeling better. The tape covering my wounds is finally starting to come off, so my stomach is beginning to look more normal. Woohoo! Basically, I'm set to enjoy all these days off, alone in my lovely, beloved home. Aaahhh. Does it get any better than this?

Oh, and I've lost over 30 pounds. :)

Happy New Year!

Christmas Day

2008-12-31T10:04:00.002-07:00

By Christmas day, I was tired of taking medicine, feeling pain, not being normal, and not being able to eat solid food. So, I was also a little cranky.

Mom came in to check on me and, when she realized I was already awake, wished me a Merry Christmas. Kevin came in a little later and we exchanged Feliz Navidads (not really). I had decided that rest would be the best thing for me, so I opted to stay home while Kevin and Mom drove out to Corey's house to watch the kids open presents and to see what Santa had brought them. Mom said they'd be back around 10am, so about 9 I drug myself out of bed, gave myself a sponge bath, medicated myself, and got ready for them to come back.

At 11:30, I started to feel neglected. Please remember that I hadn't slept well and was drugged. Oh, and I'm naturally ornery when people are late. I finally texted Mom and asked if they were coming back anytime soon. I tried to make it sound light-hearted, but I was feeling hurt. They finally came back and I tried to stay upbeat, but after everyone kept apologizing for being late almost jokingly, I lost it a little. Mom asked if I had felt lonely, and I nodded, trying not to cry. PLEASE remember I was on drugs! Everyone felt bad, so I felt bad. We all apologized then moved past it.

We opened presents and I enjoyed what I got and seeing everyone open their presents. I got to just sit there while everyone handed me my presents and babied me a little. I don't like to be babied too much, but they kept it to just the right point. :) See my other blog for a list of what I received and gave others.

For lunch, I had my first bite of solid food - a slice of a canned peach. I actually had to chew it! It was sweet, which was less-than-ideal, but at least it was solid. I managed to eat the whole thing even! Woohoo!

For the first time in forever, we didn't go to Dad's house on Christmas. I kind of felt bad that we weren't but was glad to be able to stay put and rest, especially after what happened the evening before. We played games, everyone ate yummy food, and I rested a lot. I did manage to steal a tiny handful of Chex Mix, though. Teehee. It tasted so good even though I didn't make it so it wasn't as overseasoned as I like it. Later that evening, Mom made her traditional clam chowder, one of her best batches ever. She gave me a couple tablespoons of just the chowder - nothing solid. Holy cow! It felt so good to eat something normal. I couldn't finish it all, believe it or not. So, so, so yummy.

It was a pretty mild day. None of the usual stress that I feel because we didn't go to Dad's. I was still taking pain med every four hours or so, so I was kind of out of it. And sleepy. I went back into Mom's room while everyone played some of the new games we'd received this year. Kevin came back at one point and played a couple games of checkers with me. He killed me the first game then I killed him the next time. We were going to play a third time, but the kids came in and wanted to hang out with me. Like the night before, people periodically came back to keep me company. I really appreciated it.

Eventually, Corey and his family left and we went to bed. Another day down and I was finally starting to feel a little better. Finally!

The Day After (aka Christmas Eve)

2008-12-31T09:55:00.001-07:00

I woke up the day after my surgery feeling loopy and not very well-rested. Oh, and thirsty. And a little hungry.

I was extra sore when I got out of bed - it had been a rough night. Like I mentioned in a prior post, I woke up several times throughout the night. Also, it was hard to sleep comfortably because I normally sleep on my stomach and it was off-limits. I was suppose to sleep on my back but I occasionally shifted over to one side or the other. It hurt to shift and it hurt to sleep on either side, making sleep difficult. Mom came in to check on me and to give me more medicine. I seriously couldn't stand the thought of drinking it, but I knew I needed to in order to help my body heal quickly. I walked a few times up and down the hall while Mom prepared my breakfast - beef broth and apple juice.

I rested awhile after eating, then Mom suggested I give myself a sponge bath. It hurt quite a bit to stand in the bathroom and gently wash my body. The five "cuts" hadn't bled since the day before, but they still looked pretty gross. The tape from the guaze had left marks on my skin (I'm pretty sensitive) which made the scene look even worse. Oh, and I started to get really dizzy. I hurried to put my contact lenses in after I had "bathed", but almost passed out before making it to Mom's bed. I rested for a bit, then when I felt better, Mom washed my hair in the sink - a painful process as I had to lean forward against the sink - then blew it dry and styled it for me. It felt really good to be relatively clean and to have my hair done. Totally worth the pain and dizziness.

Mom ran to the store while I rested some more and bought me extra food that my doctor said I could eat - pudding, cottage cheese, and applesauce. She forgot the applesauce. For lunch, while everyone else ate ham and funeral potatoes, I had cottage cheese and apple juice. The cottage cheese, though not exactly solid, was the closest thing to solid that I'd had in what felt like forever.

Kevin had his son Scott for the day, so he opened his presents from us and his dad. We let the other two kids open a few presents, too. I love watching them open presents! Brooke always says, "This is just what I've always wanted!" She says it sincerely, packed with enthusiasm and glee. She chose to open my present to her and insisted on wearing the tutu the rest of the day.

Though in a lot of pain, tired, and woozy, I decided to go to Dad's house because everyone was opening their presents from him and I wanted to watch. The trip across town hurt, but once I got to Dad's and was able to rest on the couch for a bit, I started to feel a little better. We opened presents and it was fun to see what everyone received. My dad gives the adult children money right after Thanksgiving and instructs us to buy whatever we want. Then we take our purchases to him and he and Paula wrap them. So, we already know what we're getting; the fun comes from seeing what others bought themselves. When I bought myself a PlayStation2 a couple years ago, my brothers, knowing I'm not much of a video game player, thought it was just the box - it was the big surprise that year.

After presents, everyone ate and I tried a little chicken broth. Not as tasty or filling as beef broth. The others had pizza and it sure looked good. I was just about sick of not eating solid food, but I also didn't really feel like I could handle anything beyond broth and apple juice. By the time everyone had finished eating, I was feeling really tired and sore, but I didn't want to ruin anyone's fun, so I agreed to play a new game Dad had gotten for the family. It was a lot of fun but took a long time. I was really close to winning but could have been stopped, but the others were ready for the game to be over and they could tell I was in a lot of pain, so they let me win. My sister-in-law told me later that I was really pale and my eyes showed I was in a lot of pain. I wish I was better at reading eyes. In stories the characters can always tell what someone is thinking/feeling by looking in their eyes, but I don't think I could.

Anyhoo, we packed up and headed back to Mom's house. I barely made it to Mom's bed before letting the tears start to fall. My neice had followed me back and became really worried when she saw me crying. She ran down the hall shouting for Grandma (my mom) to come quickly. Mom came, saw me crying, helped me into bed, and hurried to get my pain medicine. She gave me a sip, waited, then tilted the cup but nothing came out before she took the cup away again. I told her I didn't get any and it reminded me of the numerous times this had happened in the hospital and I started to laugh. Laughing hurt like a mug, so I cried more, then laughed. Mom started laughing while admonishing me to stop laughing so it wouldn't hurt more. We both couldn't stop laughing so Mom left the room, laughing down the hall. We finally calmed down enough for her to give me the rest of the medicine. Bleh! That stuff is so awful! It worked, though.

I stayed in bed most the evening, only getting out to say goodbye to Corey's family and wish them a Merry Christmas. I wasn't lonely, though. Every so often, someone would come talk to me, then someone else would take their place. The kids stopped by often. They thought it was fun hanging out with Aunt Julie on Grandma's bed. After awhile, Brooke became really worried that Santa would be coming soon and she didn't want him to pass by because they weren't there. We tried to explain that Santa doesn't come until midnight or later and it was only 9:30, but she wasn't taking any chances. So, they left.

I stayed up a little longer to talk to Kevin and Mom, but the medicine makes me tired, so I finally went to bed. Mom, Kevin, and I had decided to go to Corey's house the next morning to see what Santa had brought the kids and to watch them open up their family's presents, but as I laid there, still in quite a bit of pain, I wasn't sure I'd make it. It was hard to think about not being there and participating but after being in so much pain from overdoing it at Dad's, I didn't want to overdo it again. I decided to decide in the morning then drifted off into a troubled sleep - I still woke up everytime I changed positions and sometimes just because. It was a long night.

The Day Of

2008-12-30T17:32:00.004-07:00

Scroll down to the previous post for the day before.

I woke up on Tuesday the 23rd to my mom's excited "This is the first day of the rest of your life!" Ah, Mom, you gotta love her enthusiasm sometimes. I still felt calm and unworried. I showered, washing from the neck down with a special sponge the surgeon's office gave me. It smelled weird. I couldn't use lotion ,and my hands were already starting to panic - they like to be well-moisturized. I brushed my teeth, making sure not to swallow even a drop of water, as per my instructions. Mom was kind enough to eat the hotel's breakfast while I was in the shower, so I didn't feel any deprivation. Frankly, it was kind of a treat not to have to drink a SlimFast!

We drove to the hospital, later than I had wanted, but as usual, I had given us plenty of time, so we arrived perfectly on time. We checked in and only had to wait a few minutes before being called to the back to be weighed (just me, not her) and taken to my pre-op room. A kindly nurse came in, gave me my hospital gown, and instructed me to change into it. I did, thinking of the funny scene in As Good As It Gets where Jack Nicholas's character is loopy from the heart meds and runs around in the hospital gown with his bum peeking out - my mom and I couldn't stop laughing when we saw it the first time - it still makes me giggle. The surgeon and anesthesiologist came in to talk to us and see if we had any questions. I asked for clarification about my post-surgery diet, glad Mom was there so we'd both understand. My surgery was scheduled for 10am but the doctor before us finished early, so they wheeled me into the operating room about 9:40am. I don't remember a lot - they'd already given me the anesthetics - I was out before they even had me count backwards from 100. However, I heard afterward that I was cracking jokes, making the nurses, doctor, and anesthesiologist laugh.

I woke up wondering when they were going to ask me to count backward from 100. The pain hit and I realized I was post-op! Wow! That was fast. I found out from my mom later that I was in the operating room for about an hour and a half. I saw a nurse bustling around me and tried to tell her that I was in pain but couldn't make the words come out - my throat was so dry. Finally, I managed to tell her, she gave me meds, and I asked her how my liver had looked and if it had done nicely. She looked surprised and said that my liver was fine and had done fine. She later said she had never heard anyone ask how their liver was after a surgery for anything other than the liver. I was glad all that SlimFast hadn't been for naught. I started chatting with the nurse. I couldn't believe how talkative I was, especially since my throat was dry and my mouth was becoming more so with every word. I asked for water but she said I'd get some when I went into my room, I was still in Recovery. I still felt a bit of pain, so the nurse gave me more meds, keeping me in Recovery 30 minutes longer. Mom said she had started to worry when it had been over an hour and a half since the surgeon came out to tell her everything had gone well and they still hadn't brought her back to see me.

Finally, they took me to my room and I finally got a bit of water. I couldn't handle much, but the little bit I got sure felt great in my mouth. A few times, Mom would tilt the cup to give me water, nothing would manage to get into my mouth, but she'd pull the glass any way. I'd have to ask her to try again. Each time it made us giggle. I slept intermittedly, but surprising not a lot. I was pretty alert. After a seemingly short amount of time, the nurse had me get out of bed to try walking. I did so without a problem (thank heavens for pain med!) and even tried to use the restroom (to no avail). They finally released me. I dressed in my comfy exercise pants and t-shirt, Mom carrying my personal stuff, and headed out. Mom left before me to pull the car around to the front of the hospital. I got to be driven down in a wheelchair by a former NASCAR driver. Seriously, she took curves like she'd forgotten I had came out of surgery a few hours previously! I thought I was going to be sick.

The ride home wasn't bad. The weather had cleared, thankfully, and we were leaving before 3pm, so there was still plenty of light. The toughest times were when Mom stopped and started - it really pulled my stomach and hurt like a mug - even with the liquid loritab in me from before I left the hospital.

Speaking of which, that stuff is nasty! I realize they gave me liquid meds because of my particular surgery, but I really wish I could've had it in pill form. There were times I dreaded taking my pain med so much that I'd almost cry. A week later, I haven't had any since Sunday night. I'd rather suffer a little pain and try to relieve it with rest than take any more of that poison. Bleh!

Anyhoo, we got home and I laid down on the couch. More than anything, I craved water. I could only handle a couple drops at a time, but it was seriously the best thing in the world. I slept a bit, had the yummiest beef broth ever - it was warm and not sweet!!! - then got a visit from Cardine. She brought me flowers. (I'm pretty sure it was Tuesday that she visited, but details are a little sketchy due to the meds.) It was so nice of her to visit! My little brother arrived that evening and we chatted a bit. I'm always happy when he's in town. I watched a lot of tv and slept off and on. I remember having to drink that nasty loritab periodically. Yuck! Oh, and Mom kept making me walk up and down the hall a couple times every hour or so. I also remember my brother and mom discussing who was going to sleep where. Mom kindly gave up her uber-comfy bed to me for my entire stay with her. I was so relieved to be going to bed and getting to sleep.

I woke up a few times during the night, every time I changed positions, and a couple times to take more medicine. Oh, and to walk a couple times.

Let me explain the walking. The nurses and my surgeon all told me to walk to dispel gas. They had to inflate my stomach cavity with lots of gas so the surgeon could see what he was doing. Before sewing me up, they tried to get as much out as possible, but there was still a lot inside me. Walking is the best way to get rid of it. They warned me that I'd feel pain in my shoulder from the gas and they were right! It hurt so much! And the pain med didn't seem to help. So, I walked as much as possible. To keep it real, I'll tell you that it took a couple days before the gas started to...ahem...leave my body. The first time was such a relief. Okay, enough of this subject!

All in all, the day had gone smoothly. The nurses and doctor all expressed how impressed they were with how well I did in surgery and afterward. My body recovered so nicely that I left the hospital a couple hours earlier than Mom and I planned on. Really, it was as good an experience as surgery can be. Nice, caring people took care of me. No complications. Recovered quickly. What more could I ask for?

The Day Before

2008-12-30T11:35:00.004-07:00

The surgery is now a week behind me and I finally feel up to writing about the experience. However, it could be lengthy (I write like I talk), so I'm going to break it down into (hopefully) short segments.

The day before going on vacation is always hectic and full of trouble-shooting; however, since I wasn't going on vacation exactly, I had hoped for a peaceful last day at work last Monday. Twasn't to be.

I had a huge to-do list before leaving the office for practically two weeks; pay bills, payroll and paychecks, phone calls, errands, etc. I had settled in to work long and hard when Dixie Regional Hospital called me to verify my information. At the end of the call, the lady mentioned that they hadn't received my blood work yet and asked when I was having it done. What??? I'd never been told I needed blood work done! I ended up having to leave, at 10:30am, to run to the local hospital to wait for an hour before giving a lab tech two vials of my blood. To add to my stress, the Dixie Hospital lady had said they also needed a urine analysis, but the request she faxed to my hospital didn't have the UA marked. I told the lab tech I was told they'd need the UA, but she refused to do it since it wasn't marked on the form. I worried about this all day. Not enough to do anything about it, though, I figured when the woman got my blood work and not the urine analysis, she'd call me and I'd tell her I wasn't leaving work again and it was her fault for not marking it. I felt belligerent, so I'm glad she never called. And no, I never ended up having a UA. Of course.

I hurried back to the office and tried to get back into work. I received another phone call from the hospital around 1pm informing me that my surgery was scheduled for Tuesday at 3pm. I was stunned because I had been told I'd most likely be the first surgery since I was the first one to book the surgery AND because I was the only one travelling. I told the nurse that 3pm was unacceptable and they'd need to change it. I explained that I was travelling from the north, the weather was suppose to be bad and the roads icy, and by the time I was released from the hospital it'd be dark and I didn't want to drive home in bad weather and darkness. Plus, I'd been told to expect early morning so had already reserved a hotel room for Monday night so Mom and I wouldn't have to drive south mega early Tuesday morning. I was transferred several times and no one "had the authority" to change the schedule. Frustrated, I called my surgeon's office and spoke to the coordinator. She couldn't believe I'd been scheduled so late; she'd speak to the surgeon and get back to me with an earlier time. While I waited for her call, the hospital called telling me someone had cancelled and would I like my surgery to be at 12:30 instead of 3? I asked if they'd heard from my surgeon, explaining I had called his office, she said no. I said I'd take the 12:30 for now but was hoping for something earlier. A couple hours later, my surgeon's office called and said my surgery could be at 10am if I'd like that time. I took it. The hospital called a short time later to confirm the time change. Whew! I hate being the squeeky wheel, but I really wanted my way. Does that make me a brat? Honestly, I don't care if it does, I'm pleased with how it turned out. I should mention, though, that, having learned my lesson here, at no time did I get upset with the people to whom I spoke. I stayed pleasant but firm. I used honey, so I was never left with a bitter taste in my mouth. Yeah for me!

It snowed practically all day Monday. I worried about driving south in the dark with the roads slick, especially through a particular pass that had been closed numerous time in the recent weeks due to the weather. So, I decided to leave work a little early (wishing I had packed Sunday night like I knew I should but didn't want to at the time). Then Dad called and offered to give me a priesthood blessing before I headed south. I was thrilled with the offer, partly because it showed that Dad cares and because there was a long time when he couldn't give me one. However, it was another thing to fit into an already crammed day. At this point, my boss came in to the office and noted my stress. He has a way of getting me to tell him everything, and I broke down in his office. That man! He was really sweet and I actually felt a lot better after talking to him. He told me to get out of there right then, but I still had work to do, so I hurried to finish it and left 40 minutes later than I had originally planned. I rushed to Dad's house, wondering how in heck I was going to feel the Spirit when I was felling so hectic and worried. I chatted with Dad, Paula, and Macey for a little bit, calming down a little. As soon as Dad started the blessing, I was filled with peace and calm, it was amazing. And wonderful. I appreciate the blessing I received from my home teacher, but getting a blessing from my dad was so special. He knows me, loves me, and I believe that as my parent, he receives inspiration that no one else could get. He touched on more than my surgery, aspects of my life that had nothing to do with the next day's event. It was so sweet, so special. I renewed the pledge to myself and unborn children that I would only marry someone who was worthy to offer these blessings to my family.

Worried about the upcoming drive, Dad sent me on my way. I "rushed" home (it was snowing really hard), packed, then called Mom to say I was ready to go. Though I had left work late, we got on the road 20 minutes before we thought we would. A miracle. Another miracle - the roads cleared enough that the pass I worried about was not a problem. It was still snowing, but we made it to our hotel without a hitch.

The rest of the evening, Mom and I rested in our room. It was kind of nice to be in a hotel room with someone else - I've spent so much time alone in hotel rooms this year! I read up on pre- and post-surgery expectation, rules, etc. and found something interesting. The ten days I was on SlimFast, I drank 3 a day, supplemented by the occasional popsicle or glass of apple juice - about 600 calories a day. Well, I discovered that I should've been drinking SIX SlimFasts a day and averaging 1200 calories a day! Oops! No wonder I lost about 20 lbs in ten days! Teehee. Oh well, I'm kind of glad I didn't discover this until it was too late. I despise SlimFast and I'm not sure I could've had more than 3 a day. Plus, it took me about 2 hours to finish one, so I would've been sipping on a SlimFast from sun up to sun down. Yuck!

I went to bed around 11pm, drinking as much water as I could before the midnight cutoff - absolutely no liquid or food after that time! I was surprisingly calm and not worried about the surgery at all. I wasn't excited for it, but I wasn't stressed. I felt ready. The time had come and I was prepared.

And so ended the day before.

Holy Cow!

2008-12-18T16:55:00.003-07:00

I'm so hungry I could eat a holy cow!

Last night, my brother asked me if I'd do this "fast" if it weren't in preparation for surgery. I said "NO!" before he finished the question. It's not just the ever-present hunger that makes this so unpleasant. Here are a few other side-effects I've noticed:

1. Fatigue. I'm so tired. I have no energy whatsoever. I'm a car that has been running on fumes for the past 5 days. It's a little ironic, actually, because all day I dream of being able to go to bed, snuggle up in my blankets, and sleep. Instead, this diet has given me...

2. Sleep Deprivation. I'd been suffering from insomnia for a few weeks before I went on this diet, but it was waning. I had started getting some really good nights of sleep. Now, I'm on a sugar high and as soon as I lay down, my body starts fidgeting. It can't get comfortable and doesn't want to stay still to save its life. My legs are the worse.

3. Headaches. Speaking of a sugar high, I have a constant dull headache. I don't normally get headaches, and this isn't one caused by eye fatigue, stress, or anything else. Don't ask me how, I know I'm not a trained medical professional, but I know it's related to poor nutrition. It just feels the way I feel when I'm not getting enough healthy food. And, I'm not. Not even close. Everything, except the 64 oz of water I drink everyday and the French onion soup broth I had last night at my mom's birthday dinner, contains sugar and lots of it. The SlimFast has 17 grams of sugar. In between meals I suck on a Werther's Original. I add apple juice and a popsicle at dinner. Sugar, sugar, sugar.

4. Appearance. I'm sure part of this is due to the lack of sleep, but I look horrible! I took a picture of myself today with my cell phone and I looked 80-years old and on my death bed. Dark bags and wrinkles under my eyes, listless hair, pallid skin, dull eyes. Oh, and a big zit on my cheek, but I'll give the diet a break and not blame it for my acne.

5. Many, many trips to the bathroom. Sorry, I'm just keeping it real (as Pioneer Woman says). An all-liquid diet does this to you. This is definitely the cause of my...

6. Weight loss. The big positive about this ordeal: I've lost 13-16 pounds (depending on from which doctor's scales I measure) since Friday morning. That includes my office party at a steakhouse Friday night and pizza, chicken, mashed potatoes, and cheesecake on Saturday! Can you believe it?? I couldn't last night when I stood on my mom's scales and it showed my weight. I just hope this extreme diet is accomplishing its task of lowering the fatty content in my liver, making my surgery safer.

I know that this post sounds pretty negative, but I'm actually doing okay. I mean, it's killing me slowly, but I'm okay. I really thought I'd be irritable and mean, but I think I'm too tired to get mad. And, I know I'm doing this for a reason, that it isn't for forever, and it could save me money (leaner liver = safer surgery = less complications = smaller hospital bill). I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking to the regulations as well as I have AND for not becoming intolerable to be around in the process.

Thank heavens this diet didn't coincide with PMS - that could have been scary! Again, just keeping it real. :)

It's Official

2008-12-17T15:40:00.003-07:00

I'm ready to go for surgery on December 23rd.

I paid today. In full. I wish I could say I didn't have to go into debt for this surgery, but I can't. I'm counting on it being worth going into debt for. AND, I'm hoping to have it paid off as quickly as I paid off my teeth.

I still don't know what time I'm having surgery; the hospital will call on the 22nd to tell me. My surgeon's nurse speculated that I'd be the first in since I've had it scheduled for a couple months. That could mean being at the hospital at 6:30am and going into surgery at 8am. We have to leave at least an hour before we need to be there (depending on the weather and roads and how OCD I'm feeling). My beloved mom is driving me down and bringing me home, bless her. They're putting me under, so I'll get some good sleep. If she manages to catch a few winks, it'll be on uncomfortable hospital chairs. Now that's love.

You know, I really am blessed to have parents who care about me so much. One is helping me pay for the surgery and the other is supporting me physically (I'm staying with her for a few days) and emotionally.

Thanks, Mom and Dad! I love you!

One Week Away

2008-12-16T17:00:00.000-07:00

Hopefully this time next week, my surgery will be a fait accompli, and I'll be sleeping in my brother's uber-comfy bed, or at least dozing in front of the living room TV. It hardly seems possible that it's been three months since I started looking into having Lap Band and almost two since I decided to go through with it. Time flies.

Except this week. It's going slower than a snail with a broken leg*.

I'm hungry. I know I should try not to be hungry, but I haven't figured out how to convince my body that downing three cans of SlimFast, a glass of apple juice, and gallons of water is sufficient for its survival. Oh wait...it's not. Huh. I try to supplement this meager diet with the occasional hard candy (Werther's Originals) or piece of gum. Last night, I even treated myself to a Lemonade popsicle! I'm not sure these are exactly "by the rules" but figure that they have to be better than eating solid food. (You have no idea how appetizing the unadorned tortilla residing in my work refrigerator seems at this moment!)

At work, not eating really isn't too bad (despite the scrumptious-looking tortilla taunting me from the refridgerator!). I stay busy enough to not think too much about eating, even when my boss and coworker are warming up their lunches in the kitchen/my office. I sip on my can of SlimFast for about an hour, after which time I proceed to sipping on water and sucking on candy or chewing gum. Last night wasn't too bad, either. My roommates are really sympathetic and ate before I got home. Then they kept me occupied by playing games with me. I went to bed early, so the night was over before I knew it.

Sometimes I think, This isn't too bad, and at other times I can't fathom how I'm going to make it 'til next Tuesday. I'm doing some heavy praying and trying to remember to take it one day at a time.

Honestly, after 10 days of SlimFast and a week of clear liquids/jello, a half-cup of a food is going to seem like an absolute feast!

I'm really looking forward to that half-cup.

'Til then, I'll enjoy not having to decide what to eat, visiting the bathroom every couple hours, and losing 5 pounds in two days (true story).

There's always a silver lining, right? And being skinnier and healthier will be worth it, right?

Right???

*I know snails don't have legs - I was being funny. And witty. And a little bit charming. :)

Two Weeks...

2008-12-09T17:51:00.004-07:00

...and counting 'til the Big Day! (No, not Christmas, though that is close behind.)

Yesterday, I met my surgeon for the first time. We had a nice chat and he explained a few things and answered a couple of my questions. One thing he cleared up was the post-surgery diet. Instead of three weeks on liquids, it's only going to be 1 week! Yippee! He said that they say three weeks on the website and in the seminars to simplify matters; it's the diet for the gastric bypass and sleeve patients. I'll get to start adding small portions of solid proteins into my diet about a week after the surgery because I'm having Lap Band. Yet another reason I'm glad I chose that as my option.

I've lost my appetite. I'm not sure if it's because of the events of recent days (see here to learn about my first ever vehicular - I love that word - accident), how busy I am lately, the fact that I have no food in my home except popsicles, Ritz crackers, and a box of couscous, or that I'm nervous about the upcoming changes in my eating lifestyle. Or, most likely, it's a melange of all of them. I believe in melanges. (Can someone please tell me how to get blogger to do accents??)

This is my last week of eating food "normally" - at least, the last week for a very, very long time. You'd think I'd be living it up, eating everything I love and maybe won't partake of for who-knows-how-long. Even last week, in Denver, I ordered things that I'll be able to eat - in much smaller portions - after the surgery (except the bacon cheese burger). I even only ate half the meal each time (except the burger, but I did leave a lot of fries on the plate). I'm not worried about missing the foods I love. I'm more worried about not being prepared for this lifestyle change. I'm ready to change and want to get my foot in the door, so to speak.

I'm scared of failing. The last few years I was in school, I had this same fear, so I studied a lot. I made sure that when it came time to take a test I was prepared to be able to pass it with flying colors. I practiced presentations, looked over projects and papers with an eagle-eye for detail, and worked every homework problem religiously. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't always perfect, but that fear of not doing well drove me to do my best.

It's now driving me to get ready, especially emotionally, for life after Lap Band. I'm especially worried because I don't know what to expect, really. To continue the above analogy, it's kind of like having a professor for the first time and not knowing what his tests are going to be like, how well he'll prepare you for the tests, how generously he grades, etc. So, I'm doing my best to prepare for every eventuality I can think of without really knowing what it's going to be like for me.

I think I need more sleep. I'm sure I'd be able to deal with this better if I were sleeping. Sleep cures a lot of ills. Maybe then I'd relax just a tiny bit. Aaahhh. Relax.

Anyhoo, Thursday I get to travel down south yet again to have a pre-op class that will tell me in more detail everything that will go down before and after surgery, including diet and checking in and out of the hospital.

Just think, in two weeks at this time I'll have had the surgery and will be resting comfortably (hopefully) at my mom's. Wow.

10-Day Liquid Diet

2008-12-01T20:45:00.002-07:00

I discovered the reason why I can only have low-calorie liquids the 10 days before my surgery. Tonight after work, I checked my surgeon's website for some answers to other questions I had and found the answer to this one.

Ten days on a low-calorie liquid diet (think Slim Fast) reduces the fatty content of the liver. The liver sits directly over the upper part of the stomach (around which the band is placed) and needs to be moved during the surgery. Turns out that a fatty liver is more fragile and can be hard to lift. It can also more easily fracture and bleed. Not good. Ten days of Slim Fast is a small price to pay for a safer surgery.

This helps a lot. I needed a good reason to not eat solid foods before the surgery, now I have one.

Woohoo!

2008-11-20T16:47:00.002-07:00

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am a bastion of good mental health! Woohoo!

I ended up having my psych evaluation earlier than I planned and with the doctor that wasn't the one with whom I'd originally scheduled an appointment. Remember? Turns out that honey really works well, because Leslie called me yesterday and offered me an appointment for this morning. The doctor with whom I actually had the appointment has never called me back to confirm I have an appointment, so I decided not to risk saying no to this opportunity. Plus, I had already filled out Dr. M's hour-long questionnaire, which felt like a big waste of time when I realized my appointment was with Dr. C from a totally different practice. By the way, because we'll be talking about the questionnaire in a bit, I want to say for the record that I was absolutely as honest as humanly possible on it!

I arrived before my appointment, in case I needed to fill anything out, etc., which was good because they took height and weight measurements (I've lost 6 lbs since Oct. 28th!) and took my blood pressure (a tad high, but not too bad). I sat down and my cell phone showed 8:28, my appointment was for 8:30. I'm not a very patient person and am at the height of impatience when people are late, so imagine how not happy I was when I called my coworker at 9:25 to tell her I'd be back to work later than planned because I was still waiting to see the doctor. Yeah, not very happy at all. Fortunately, I only had to wait 5 minutes longer.

Fortunately, Dr. M is a really cool guy. AND he had lots of nice things to say to me - that always puts me in a better mood! He told me that the questionnaire contains 5 pysch tests and I passed all of them. He said that one of the tests shows that I'm a passionate person - dependable, loving, independent. Passionate! I've always wanted to be passionate! The tests also indicate that I'm not prone to depression, delusions, or anxiety disorders. Wow, I exclaimed, the good new just keeps coming! He laughed. I also don't have eating disorders (except for the obvious one that made me overweight), personality disorders, or anger management problems. Woohoo! And, here's the kicker - no signs of OCD! Awesome! I was kind of worried.

We chatted about my job, family, life goals, and some other stuff. We laughed a lot. I had him in stitches, quite honestly. I wasn't even trying that hard! Towards the end of the appointment, he checked something in my file then verified that I'm single. I nodded enthusiastically and he said, Are the men up there (I had to travel south for the appointment) crazy or what? How are you not taken, you're absolutely delightful! I blushed and beamed at the same time, I'm sure. (And, before you start thinking what you might be thinking, he was married and in his mid to late 40's.)

We talked about my expectations for life after the surgery and he said he feels confident telling the surgeon that my expectations are realistic and healthy and that I am a good candidate. I asked why a psych evaluation was necesssary, and he told me that one of the major reasons is to check for potential depression. In gastric bypass there is a 30% rate of depression after the surgery. The percentage is a lot lower for lap band, but it's still possible. So, I asked him if I should expect to feel kind of down afterward. He assured me that after looking at my results and talking to me that I should feel just fine. He said he'd be really surprised if I wasn't. No pressure. He laughed. We also talked about my support system and I was proud to say that I have a wonderful support system - lots of loving family and friends who are super supportive. (Thank you!!!)

I've never been psycho-analyzed before. It was kind of neat (probably because my results were so positive and happy!) but it was also a little disconcerting. I have self-diagnosed restless leg syndrome and halfway through the appointment my right leg started bouncing. When I realized it, I stopped it, wondering if the doctor would think it was a nervous twitch that meant I was lying. I wondered if he was analyzing my posture and body language. It was kind of weird to know I was being analyzed even if it wasn't to the degree I was imagining.

The end conclusion is that I'm mentally healthy and am clear for the surgery. Woohoo!

Decisions

2008-11-18T19:51:00.003-07:00

I'm kind of proud of myself.

Tonight, leaving work and contemplating the lack of food in my kitchen that belongs to me, Arctic Circle - which is right next door to my office building - tempted me almost to my breaking point. Lately under these circumstances I would have given in and turned into Arctic Circle. I almost did. I slowed considerably as I passed the turn and was thisclose to turning, but I decided that eating fast food tonight would completely cancel out this morning's fabulous exercise.

I had worked hard this morning. I got out of bed earlier than normal - my warm, comfortable bed - to ride my stationary bike for 20 minutes and 4.7 miles. I love this time of day; the bike is in front of my east-facing window and I get to watch as the horizon lightens and the sun finally peeks over the mountain. It's lovely. It's also a good workout for me. My legs start to ache and I have to work to keep going when it would be so easy to quit. So, the thought of this hard work becoming null and void just because I hadn't gone grocery shopping was unacceptable. I came home and ate cereal and swiss cheese and crackers.

I've made several good decisions lately. Small decisions, but together they add up to important changes. I'm going to do something very drastic to lose weight but that doesn't mean I'll be able to sit back and watch the weight melt off. The surgery is a tool. I use it to remind myself why I want to make good decisions. Once I have the surgery, it'll be harder, but not impossible, to make unhealthy food choices. Tough choices will still have to be made time after time after time. You might say that once I'm on the right path, I'll have to continue to work hard and endure to the end. (I love the gospel analogy game!) Small decisions, like waking up to exercise and eating cereal instead of french fries, are even more important, more necessary, than the big decision of having the surgery.

You might say that by small and simple things great things can be accomplished. :)

Honey, Vinegar, and Humble Pie

2008-11-17T17:30:00.002-07:00

No, these aren’t the ingredients for some fabulously odd Thanksgiving dish I’m planning to make next week. You wish you were that lucky!

Today, I should have used honey, but instead used vinegar, so my slice of humble pie was even more difficult to eat.

I had a message on my cell phone from a psychiatrist’s receptionist informing me that they had received the medical history form and questionnaire I had filled out. She said their next available appointment was in January so I should call quickly to schedule an appointment. I already have an appointment! I said to myself, so I called her back, figuring she’d overlooked my appointment and all would be well in no time. Nope.

She looked in her book at the date I said I had scheduled for the psych evaluation and said my name was nowhere to be seen. She looked on the days before and after and still my name was not written down. I started to panic, and I don’t always function at my best when I panic, unfortunately. You see, December 23rd is really the best day for me to have the surgery and if I waited ‘til January to have the psych evaluation, I’d have to have the surgery some time in January. PANIC!

Leslie (not her real name) kept saying she wasn’t the one who I had spoken to because she wouldn’t have made this kind of mistake. It frustrated me that she wasn’t trying to come up with any solutions, just absolving herself from any wrongdoing. Finally, my voice dripping with vinegar, I asked her if she was willing or able to do anything to help me out of this predicament. She said she couldn’t think how she could. I asked if the doctor was willing to come in early or stay late at all. She wasn’t sure. I was really close to losing it, so I said I’d call my surgeon’s office and see if they had any suggestions. I didn’t mask my frustration as well as I could have.

So, I called my surgeon’s office and informed the receptionist of the problem. She was very sympathetic and gave me the name and phone number of a psychiatrist they don’t use very often but who is capable of doing the evaluation. I called his number and got the answering machine, so I left a message pleading with them to call me back.

I have a piece of paper in my bariatric surgery folder that lists the steps I need to take before I have the surgery. On this sheet, I have the names and phone numbers of the doctors and nutritionists that my surgeon’s assistant recommended I call to complete these steps. The doctor for whom Leslie works was on that list; next to his name was a notation I made after calling them in October, which reads, “Appointment avail mid-December, they’ll send packet, but calling somewhere else to see if earlier appt avail.” I looked at the other psychiatrist and found this notation next to her name, “Set appt for December 2nd, 9am”.

Two words: humble pie.

I called this psychiatrist's number to confirm the appointment, but no one answered, so I just left a message. I’m positive my appointment is with her, though, because at the bottom of the page I wrote her address and directions to the office. Yeah, I felt kind of stupid.

After basking in my foolishness for a bit, I called Leslie and explained what had happened and apologized profusely for getting frustrated earlier. She said she totally understood why I had become frustrated and apologized for not being more helpful. She informed me that they had some spots that had opened up due to cancellations and did I want to see the doctor tomorrow? I was tempted. I had already spent an hour filling out the mental health questionnaire (for the wrong doctor!!!) and it would be really nice to have this evaluation over and done with, but the open spots were around 3pm. My coworker would have to work late and she really doesn’t like to, so I thanked her and said I’d have to pass, explaining why.

Which led me to wonder if I had handled the situation better the first time I talked to her, would she have offered those open spots right then? Would the honey really have attracted the fly better than the vinegar?

By the way, have any of you actually tried this experiment with real honey, vinegar, and flies? I’m assuming the honey really does attract more flies, because it’s such a “tried and true” expression; however, I wouldn’t be surprised if flies liked the vinegar. I for one really enjoy vinegar, especially salt and vinegar chips or as a dip for French fries, so maybe flies like vinegar, too. Odder things could happen.

To sum up: in the future, I need to remember to express my frustration in a better, sweeter, way. Not only may I reap immediate rewards (the other person’s increased willingness to help) but the slice of humble pie will be smaller if it turns out that I play a part in causing the frustration.

In other words, not only does it attract more flies, but honey also makes a tastier humble pie than vinegar.

Support Group - November

2008-11-12T17:08:00.003-07:00

Last week, I attended my first weight loss surgery support group. It was one of the requirements I had to complete in order to have the surgery. I'm glad it's a requirement because it was really helpful! And, since I have to travel 45 minutes to get to it, I needed the motivation. Now that I know how wonderful the group is, I'll be more likely to go.

I invited my mom to come with me. I felt like I need her more than anyone else to know what I'm going to be going through. We got into a little fight on the way down (we're too alike), but we cleared it up quickly and got along fine the rest of the time. We both learned a lot about what to expect and I know she'll be a lot of help to me after the surgery.

Here are some of the things I learned:

1. 4 oz = 1/2 cup NOT 1/4 cup. This was the best news! There was a girl my age sitting by Mom and me and I decided to become friends with her, so we did. When the group leaders mentioned that 4 oz is roughly 1/2 cup, Heather (my new friend) almost choked because she had just started to consider surgery and was appalled at how little food she'd be able to eat. I was THRILLED though! After a month or so of thinking I'll only be able to eat 1/4 cup, 1/2 cup seems almost like a feast! Woohoo!

2. One bite of vegetable/carb for every 3 bites of protein (mainly meat). I expressed my concern that all I'd be eating was protein and wasn't that kind of not good? What about fruits and vegetables (which I love)??? This is what I was told. They also said that the maintenance diet allows for fruit and more veggies. That's better, I guess.

3. Small bites (pea-sized) and chew each bite 20 times. I heard about the consequences for not following this and they are NOT pleasant! So, I've begun to practice. It's harder than you might think.

4. Tracking exercise and food intake helps you be more successful at weight loss. I've heard this so many times it makes me want to scream. I guess it makes sense, I just hate having to do it. To that end, I'm borrowing this idea and will have weekly updates on my exercise progress. I haven't figured out how I'm going to work the food intake part.

5. If you don't eat enough protein after the surgery, you'll lose hair! It's not like you go bald, your hair just gets thinner. And, they said that it comes back after awhile, but I'm not going to take any chances. I like my hair. I guess I'll be following that 3 bites protein, 1 bite carb rule after all!

6. To get rid of gas, walk! I guess gas is a bit of a problem after the surgery. Oh goodie! One lady felt it in her shoulder and chest! So much so that she went to the hospital thinking she was having a heart attack. Boy, the good news just keeps coming, doesn't it??? :)

7. My "ideal weight" is 135 lbs. There's a formula that supposedly tells what you should ideally weigh. The nutritionist said it isn't foolproof, nothing is. Yeah, I'm not aiming for 135; it may be a little extreme. I'd love to get to 170, maybe 165. 135???

It was really interesting to listen to people talk about their experiences and to get their advice for adjusting to post-surgery life. It was also really motivational! One woman had gastric bypass on Jan 2, this year, and has lost 105 lbs! She looked like a skinny person! I would never have guessed that she hadn't been skinny all her life. Another woman had Lap Band surgery a couple months ago and had already lost more than 30 lbs. One has lost almost 60 lbs in 4 months! Wow! It was good to see the positive results! None of them regretted having the surgery (maybe those people don't go to support groups) and all of them said they wished they'd had it done sooner.

Maybe next month I'll invite Dad and Paula to go with me.

Me: November 2008

2008-11-11T17:29:00.005-07:00

I'm not going to tell you how much I weigh yet. I'm too embarrassed. Maybe someday.

Every time I post a picture, I'll include any weight changes.

This first picture is special - it was done by a professional! Ooooo. I had to get it taken for work. I was super excited. (please note the excessive sarcasm) I had just cut about 5 inches off my hair and was unprepared to see how it looked in pictures (I hadn't figured out how to style it yet), so I opted for curls. I rarely do my hair this way, so I didn't have the I-can't-believe-I -look-like-that-everyday! reaction. So, it doesn't reflect how I usually look, but it accurately shows me at my current weight.

Enough chatter. Here I am:

Starting Weight: not telling
Current Weight: starting weight
Difference: 0 lbs

Let's Get Started

2008-11-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

I recently decided to finally do something to help me lose weight.

I'm having weight-loss surgery. Lap-Band, specifically. If I manage to pass my psych eval (fingers crossed!), the surgery will be December 23rd. I'm nervous and excited.

Not that I've done a whole lot to lose weight in the past, but the few times I've tried, I haven't done exceptionally well, mainly because I haven't stayed committed to losing weight. I didn't want to have to give up eating my favorite foods. I didn't want to walk in subzero temperatures (I kid, but it does get pretty cold!). I didn't want to have to wake up any earlier to exercise. I wanted to lose weight without trying, basically.

I need to be committed to this if I'm going to be successful in losing weight with this surgery. It isn't a free pass; it won't be easy. So, I decided to create a second blog (go here for my first) that is devoted to my weight-loss journey. I'll talk about the preparations before the surgery, what life is like post-surgery, and I how I feel about the whole process. And, I'll record my successes and failures, post goals and when I reach them. And, I'm going to be brave and post pictures of the journey so I can remind myself where I've been. Yikes!

Hopefully all this will help me stay committed to losing weight!